Is it ok to drink occasionally if you are an alcoholic

[Fibbke]

And by alcoholic i mean drinking every day, needing alcohol first thing in the morning, drinking the equivalent of 3 bottles a day?

Yes pookie so much manipulation. I'm really struggling with how much I've been manipulated over the years.

Do they drive drunk with their kid in the car? If so you should report them. How would you feel if there was an accident and you'd said nothing?

You have to inform ss op. I know it probably feels like you're being disloyal , but you are aware that someone is driving whilst over the limit. You can't let that go.

Yep sorry, you don't go from 3 bottles a day to none for two weeks.

I did. I drank a minimum of two bottles a day for 20 odd years. Much more if I was out socialising. And I havent drunk for three years. I dont appear to be dead or suffered any sundry ill effects from stopping either. I do wish people would stop passing opinion off as fact. Alcohol affects everyone differently. And yes, I have seen my GP and had a full MOT.

OP - your friend hasnt given up. She might think she has, but she hasnt

Do they drive drunk with their kid in the car i dont know. I suspect that they have, yes. But i don't know for sure as all i know is what she tells me.

It's hard but don't enable. They are an alcoholic, they are addicted, and the planning is a huge part of this. They need to recognise their addiction and be willing to change - be supportive but firm, and get them to look at AA website if possible. It's so hard. Huge hugs xxxx

So if they message me to say that they are fine but might have a drink next weekend, what do i say?

It sounds to me like your friend is trying to convince you that it's OK for her to drink at this event so that she can tell other people/herself "Fibbke thought it was fine." You know? As justification. If I were you I'd be saying to her she should be asking the GP if it's OK, that you can't advise.

Depends whether you subscribe to the 'complete abstinence' approach to alcoholism. AA's approach is all pervasive but it's worth remembering that it's not the only approach (nor is it particularly successful).

There are plenty of people who manage their drinking by generally abstaining but drinking sometimes. Only in the AA world is this seen as failure because their model is one of 100% abstinence.

Obviously, alcoholism is difficult to manage and allowing yourself to drink occasionally might well lead to drinking every day again. But it might not. The narrative for nearly 100 years since AA started that it's all or nothing. It's also got the monopoly on what alcoholism is, ie. that it's a disease that you can't control and only by handing responsibility over to a 'higher power' can you be healed.

Actually life is more complicated than that and there's a huge choice element to drinking. By denying this, AA essentially says that people have no personal responsibility or control. This is patently not true.

Reading up on AA's limitations is quite interesting actually.

@PookieDo Yup, the mental load of addiction is huge. Planning, hiding, the deceit, manipulation.

If I were you I'd be saying to her she should be asking the GP if it's OK, that you can't advise good one. Thanks.

@MyOpinionIsValid Good on you! 100%

Did you get no ill effects from the sudden stoppage? Genuine interest?

GP advice is very clear that at that level if you experience physical symptoms you should reduce and NOT stop suddenly.

I haven't RTFT but I know a few alcoholics and this approach never ends well

She may have physically stopped drinking for 2 weeks, but she hasn't mentally stopped drinking, and that's much harder. Many heavy drinkers and alcoholics can give up for a period of time, say a month, because they know that at the end of it they can start drinking again.

Nobody "needs" to have a couple of drinks at a party, so if she was serious about giving up she would be planning to go and not drink. She would be planning a life of not drinking. She will know that she is risking her life (the life of others if she is driving) and she is risking losing her child. Yet she is choosing to drink.

A colleague recently died, in his 40's, due to alcohol. He was a lovely, intelligent man, he had a lovely wife, children and home, yet he could not stop drinking. That was always his priority.

Your family member is still prioritising alcohol over everything else in her life.

My dad was an alcoholic. Claimed to give up and feel great. Was just hiding the booze in things like coffee and orange juice. Drinking "water" from an Evian bottle

codemonkey - of course AA is not right for everyone but even ignoring AA the person the OP is worried about has gone from several bottles a day to none in 2 weeks and is now planning on drinking at the weekend - this does not sound like someone who has control over their intake. It really is too soon.

But as an adult child of an alcoholic I believe the AA abstinence is the only answer and those who think there is a half way are lying to themselves and others.

I think you say it is her choice and no-one can tell her what she should and shouldn't do. Put it back to her and do not engage. Step back as you cannot help her and it is obviously affecting you emotionally.

Then it sounds like he successfully proved his point. Why expect him to quit drinking forever if he doesn't want or need to?
Because he hadn't proved his point. Yes sure he could have two weeks of no drinking but As soon as the time limit was up he'd get pissed. Meanwhile his wife is left looking after two DCs on her own when he went AWOL or been arrested for drunk and disorderly. Borrowing money because he'd drank his wages. And these are only the things I know about because I'm sure she kept the worst of it to herself.

OP - Drinking whilst driving is disgraceful and If there's DCs in the car then I'd report them.

I don't think she's given up. I just don't believe it's that easy. Haven't drunk for 3 days after years of drinking all day every day? Oh yeah, feel great, sleeping well and getting lots done

Yes they used to have wine in a water bottle at work.

No - "controlled" drinking doesn't work.

You might manage it for the first couple of times, but then you'll get confident that you can "stop whenever I want" and the next thing you know you're back where you started - at the bottom.

I've seen this time and again with a good friend. Trust me - it's not worth it.

I'm not convinced that they went from 3 bottles a day, to zero, overnight, and stayed that way, feeling ok. I don't believe it, not for a second.

My ex was an alcoholic, could drink for 6 days straight (I mean 6 days of being completely paralytic, pissing the bed, sofa, etc), sober for 3.
3 was the absolute maximum and the cycle would start over. It started with "I'm ok now, I feel better and in control and I'll just have a glass". That was day 1 of 6 and the cycle repeated.

That's brilliant MyOpinion, unfortunately not every one can do that as I said I worked with people detoxing from alcohol,lots of people needed medication to help with withdrawals ,some people suffered horrendous withdrawals some people not so much but as you say alcohol affects everyone differently and for many people it isn't advisable to just go cold turkey ,this is not my opn ion ,but my experience

I doubt it, I am an ex smoker first time I quit for 8 months ... had just one .... was hooked for another 2 years now 4 years free of cigarettes but know I would be back on them if I had even one x

You have to step back op. I mean this in the nicest possible way , but have a think about about why this person is looking to you for enablement. There's a reason that they chose you.

Please report the drink driving then do as a pp has said and tell them to talk to their gp. Keep all communication brief after that.

Please look after yourself.