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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Here or is my friend being awful?

151 replies

onefootinthemud · 13/06/2019 09:59

I have started dating a guy,we get on so well and I really like him.
He is my good friends friend.
She has known him years and socialises in a group with him.
Every time me and him chat when she's around I feel her eyes burning the back of my head.
She's tried to cause trouble between me and him by saying I'm a bunny boiler and that I'm super jealous person (I'm neither)
Anyway on Friday me and her and her friend are going to Scotland for a concert.
Well I thought we were ...
Everything is paid for but she's turned around and said I'm not welcome in her car as I clearly prefer him over her.
I said that she was being ridiculous and I'm sorry she feels like this,I said can we clear the air and sort this out.
She sent me page after page of abusive messages saying I was a awful person and hope it doesn't work between me and him.
Once again I said we have been looking forward to this event for ages,I haven't done anything wrong.
She said I've been giving him all my attention and to go and ask him for a lift.
I've sat and cried all night.
I do all sorts for her.
I've done her shopping,made her tea last week.
Lend her money /clothes etc
Why is she being so awful?
She's never excluded.

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 13/06/2019 13:43

Sounds like she is definitely jealous. I would write off the trip and the friendship. She is NOT being a good friend.

2toddlers · 13/06/2019 13:51

She sounds 31 going on 17! I really did think you were going to say you were both in your teens. I agree either she fancies him or you, it’s the only explanation.

If I was you I’d tell the rest of the people who are going what has happened, show them the messages. Ask them to see if anyone wants to go in your place and get your money back that way.

HundredMilesAnHour · 13/06/2019 14:24

Since she's taken your money but is refusing to give you your ticket (and refusing to sell it on your behalf), I'd take her to Small Claims Court. It will only cost you £25 to do it online. At least that way you'll get the ticket cost (minus the £25) back. And it'll teach her not to be such a bitch.

sonjadog · 13/06/2019 14:25

I would definitely tell your boyfriend. Not because he should know in case she tries to manipulate him, but because he is an autonomous adult with his own mind and shouldn’t be treated like a parcel two people are fighting over ownership of.

Pa1oma · 13/06/2019 14:34

Ugh. She sounds like one of these deluded, narcissistic women who go to great lengths to bang on about their male friends - “Ooh no, we’re just friends,” etc etc. Then when the so-called “friend” gets with another woman they can’t handle it and all their insecurities are revealed in bizarre, stupid behaviour. These women stand out a mile usually. Take no notice. Don’t try and appease her. Smile and nod and get on with your life.

MrsBertBibby · 13/06/2019 14:38

At least that way you'll get the ticket cost (minus the £25) back.

Actually the court fee is added to what she has to pay you, if you are successful.

poopypants · 13/06/2019 14:40

think of it as £100 well spent. It has helped you discover that this person is not a good friend and is not even a good person. Stay dignified, stay calm. If people ask you what is going on, resist the temptation to bitch and just say that you have had several people what is up with her and that you are as confused as everyone else and just leave it. people can see crazy when it flaps about like this.

IHateUncleJamie · 13/06/2019 14:40

I couldn’t afford to write off £100 but I wouldn’t in any case because otherwise you’re letting her steal from you. Tell her straight that you have no idea why she thinks she can behave like this but you will not tolerate it. As pps said, she needs to return the ticket to you today or refund you today. Threaten her with small claims court if she kicks up a fuss but just be very matter of fact.

Illberidingshotgun · 13/06/2019 14:41

Sounds like she's scared. She seems to have had you at her beck and call - cooked her food, done her shopping, lent her clothes and money (why??) and now your focus is going to be on your relationship, and she doesn't like it.

Just ignore her, don't speak to her, don't engage with her in any way. Speak to your boyfriend, explain the situation, and that you don't want to have any further contact with her, but obviously leave it up to him if he wants to.

Bluntness100 · 13/06/2019 14:41

If there is nothing more to this then she's uncontrollably jealous.

Jealousy isn't rational, so little you can do other than distance yourself and not react.

Don't take her to small claims court or put your boyfriend in the middle and thus making him choose sides, just try to act as normal as you can, not escalate it and distance yourself when appropriate.

Sarcelle · 13/06/2019 14:45

May have missed this, does she have a boyfriend?

BlackPrism · 13/06/2019 15:14

I'd be sending her a bill

BlackPrism · 13/06/2019 15:19

@mybeebop lots of people meet through mutual friends... my boyfriends best mate goes out with my best friends sister. That's how adults meet. Hardly using

VolcanionSteamArtillery · 13/06/2019 15:32

Take care. It's as likely your boyfriend is playing to both of you against it other. Lost a friend this way.

Mousetolioness · 13/06/2019 16:18

Maybe she had a cunning plan in mind... She told the mutual male friend you liked him thinking you wouldn't stand a chance with him and he'd say 'Oh no, I don't fancy her. I fancy you!!' Only it backfired on her... she'd done you a favour, hence her then turning nasty.

I don't think she fancies you because if she did she wouldn't have shat on you. Unless she does fancy you but just isn't intelligent enough to see the damage she has done.

On balance, I'd say the former scenario is more likely.

Small claims for the ticket cost and keep all text evidence.

sadkoala · 13/06/2019 16:23

Please don't go to small claims OP. That's just petty and will stir up even more drama which is possibly what she hopes for.

I may have missed this. Is your DP going to the event ?

ComeAndDance · 13/06/2019 16:48

Tell your bf just in case she is telling tales on you behind your back.
You dint have to be nasty. A simple ‘I’m quite sad that she is behaving like this’ whilst explaining that you’ve had to cancel your trip to the concert is plenty.

But I think he needs to know.

LadyGAgain · 13/06/2019 16:51

She's in love with him.

number1wang · 13/06/2019 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RabbityMcRabbit · 13/06/2019 16:57

She sounds like the bunny boiler (due to my username this phrase makes me very nervous!Grin) not you. I'd start to withdraw from the "friendship" if it were me

MamaOfBothTeams · 13/06/2019 18:52

She loves either you or your boyfriend

I don't think I could be friends with someone who can treat a so called friend like that

dustarr73 · 13/06/2019 19:34

Please don't go to small claims OP. That's just petty

No its not,anyway the threat of small claims might be enough to get her to give her the tickets or teh money back

ErickBroch · 13/06/2019 19:49

I remember your original post, you need to cut her out your life.

DoctorDread · 13/06/2019 19:52

She's a bit stupid if she's texting you all this garbage because if she tries to sweet talk your bf she's going to look a bit stupid when you show him all her messages? Or has most of this been verbal?

Frankola · 13/06/2019 20:25

She either feels pushed out and jealous.

Or she fancies him and is jealous.

Ignore her. She doesn't sound like a very nice friend.

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