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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Here or is my friend being awful?

151 replies

onefootinthemud · 13/06/2019 09:59

I have started dating a guy,we get on so well and I really like him.
He is my good friends friend.
She has known him years and socialises in a group with him.
Every time me and him chat when she's around I feel her eyes burning the back of my head.
She's tried to cause trouble between me and him by saying I'm a bunny boiler and that I'm super jealous person (I'm neither)
Anyway on Friday me and her and her friend are going to Scotland for a concert.
Well I thought we were ...
Everything is paid for but she's turned around and said I'm not welcome in her car as I clearly prefer him over her.
I said that she was being ridiculous and I'm sorry she feels like this,I said can we clear the air and sort this out.
She sent me page after page of abusive messages saying I was a awful person and hope it doesn't work between me and him.
Once again I said we have been looking forward to this event for ages,I haven't done anything wrong.
She said I've been giving him all my attention and to go and ask him for a lift.
I've sat and cried all night.
I do all sorts for her.
I've done her shopping,made her tea last week.
Lend her money /clothes etc
Why is she being so awful?
She's never excluded.

OP posts:

Original poster

onefootinthemud · 13/06/2019 10:47

I'm just enjoying dating him tbh
No pressure on where it's going.
I like him and he likes me and it's just fun and nice.

OP posts:

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 13/06/2019 10:47

Ask her for the money she owes you then ditch her. This is not a friend.

onalongsabbatical · 13/06/2019 10:47

Well she's being pretty outrageous - how about you say if she doesn't get your ticket to you you'll take her to the small claims court? Whatever feelings she has about you and the guy, she could be just polite and make sure you have access to your ticket, anything else is horrible.

Pinkyyy · 13/06/2019 10:47

She's a spiteful cow. I'd make sure I got my ticket, as a matter of principal, then cut her off completely.

justmyview · 13/06/2019 10:49

I would get the ticket off her, if only so she can't sell it to someone else at the venue

And what does your boyfriend think of this?

But there are always 2 sides to a story, and we're only hearing your side

AryaStarkWolf · 13/06/2019 10:49

Keep you distance I'd say, she's acting like a lunatic. Doesn't sound like there would be much reasoning with her

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline · 13/06/2019 10:52

I agree you should just cut your losses re the ticket, she's using that as something to hold over you. It's obvious she's consumed by jealousy and she's behaving like an absolute dick.

I would disengage completely. Don't chase her up, don't try to explain or justify anything and if you happen to see her out socially a polite hello and move away from her. She's beyond pathetic and this isn't a friendship I'd want to be in, irrespective of how the new relationship works out.

mybeebop · 13/06/2019 10:52

I can kind of see why she feels miffed. I had this happen to me. I was friends with a girl and a guy and they didn’t know each other apart from through me. I felt that she basically used me to get to him. Like I was a dating service! Have you ever introduced her to anyone? Any guys? Any friends? Or are you just a user/hanger on who lets her organise and facilitate everything and you take all the benefit? Not being snarky but genuine question? Look at your own behaviour to see if you’ve been treating her like a dating service (guys and friends). You said you were out in a group of 12. Are they her friends or did you know them before you knew her? You could be massively treading on toes and being seen by her as a user. Just a different point of view to everybody else. There’s a reason she’s gone ballistic and because I’ve been there (and I absolutely did not fancy the guy) I can see why this might have happened. Your behaviour (always copping off with him in front of her) could be seen as being disrespectful. Or maybe I’m wrong and she’s got the hots for him but I’m guessing it’s not that because if she did she would have made a move already or told you previously.

Fcukthisshit · 13/06/2019 10:54

I’d say she either has a thing for him or a thing for you.

alligatorsmile · 13/06/2019 10:59

This is more batshitty than Dracula's outhouse.

There's simply no excuse for her behaving like a stroppy brat. Even if she felt like you "used her as a dating service" (unlikely, seeing as the OP says she is a "good friend" which suggests they were friends way before this), a normal person would talk to you about it, not fly off the handle like a loon.

DoctorDread · 13/06/2019 11:02

Yeah that's a bit of a leap to the pp who just projected at the op!!!

Itssosunny · 13/06/2019 11:05

Stormed off and sent me a text saying
"You were all over him,ridiculous"

Does she know you're dating?
Did he tell her he is dating you?
It sounds like you're dating him but he doesn't you and that's maybe why she is so annoyed with you although she sounds rather jealous and pathetic.

Original poster

onefootinthemud · 13/06/2019 11:05

We've been friends for over 10 years and I've never once used her.
If anything I'm the push over who does what I'm told.
It was actually her who told the guy I liked him.
I would never have had the guts to even tell him

OP posts:

Crabbitstick · 13/06/2019 11:06

Cut your losses re ticket.
Stop contact her - it will just be fuelling whatever is going on for her. It’ll bother her more if you just go quiet.
I think this friendship is over - how can it recover when she a) has been so awful to you and b) she apparently thinks so little if you.
You are going to need to speak to boyfriend about this - how can you avoid it? But tread carefully how you word it/approach it.
This sounds awful for you.

Iwishyouwell · 13/06/2019 11:08

Do not go. She is no longer your friend . Just go out with your guy yourself and not in a big group that includes her.

Original poster

onefootinthemud · 13/06/2019 11:09

What shall I say to him?
I don't want to spoil him and hers friendship.
I would never get in the way of that.
I don't understand why it has to be like this.
I hope it doesn't put him off me.

OP posts:

Iwishyouwell · 13/06/2019 11:09

If you are always out in a big group ...are you actually dating each other or is it one sided?

AryaStarkWolf · 13/06/2019 11:10

This is more batshitty than Dracula's outhouse.

love that, stealing it :p

Groovee · 13/06/2019 11:10

I'd be asking for my money back! She sounds jealous!

Iwishyouwell · 13/06/2019 11:10

Just be honest . If it does not go well , find new friends.

Itssosunny · 13/06/2019 11:11

What if the guy told her you're after him (not him) in irder not to hurt her feelings?! Some guys are like that.
You need to tell him what's going on.

mybeebop · 13/06/2019 11:11

Well in that case I’d be very careful if I was you. She’s that enraged with you that she could end up cutting you off from all of your friends. Are they get friends that she’s made or do you know them independently? You’re going to have to play this very carefully if you want to keep your friendship group. If they are her friends that she introduced you to then you’re out of luck but if you knew them first/independently then you’re best to start doing one on one coffee/lunch etc to give your side of the story. That’s if you want to keep those friends. Don’t message her anymore. Don’t respond to anything else. How much was the concert ticket? If it was me, if it was less than £100 I’d write it off and start making a plan of what to do next

Original poster

onefootinthemud · 13/06/2019 11:12

@Iwishyouwell we are doing dates just us two and then all together as a friend group

OP posts:

Itssosunny · 13/06/2019 11:13

I had a boyfriend once who didn't tell his female friend we were a couple because she was his friend and she liked him as well. He was a coward.

Original poster

onefootinthemud · 13/06/2019 11:13

@mybeebop they are mostly her friends but two have messaged me saying they have noticed her behaving quite nasty towards me

OP posts:

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