Here or is my friend being awful?

[onefootinthemud]

I have started dating a guy,we get on so well and I really like him.
He is my good friends friend.
She has known him years and socialises in a group with him.
Every time me and him chat when she's around I feel her eyes burning the back of my head.
She's tried to cause trouble between me and him by saying I'm a bunny boiler and that I'm super jealous person (I'm neither)
Anyway on Friday me and her and her friend are going to Scotland for a concert.
Well I thought we were ...
Everything is paid for but she's turned around and said I'm not welcome in her car as I clearly prefer him over her.
I said that she was being ridiculous and I'm sorry she feels like this,I said can we clear the air and sort this out.
She sent me page after page of abusive messages saying I was a awful person and hope it doesn't work between me and him.
Once again I said we have been looking forward to this event for ages,I haven't done anything wrong.
She said I've been giving him all my attention and to go and ask him for a lift.
I've sat and cried all night.
I do all sorts for her.
I've done her shopping,made her tea last week.
Lend her money /clothes etc
Why is she being so awful?
She's never excluded.

Just tell him factually what has happened. Your friendship with her is clearly over as is any socialising with the friendship group from now on.

You need to speak to your boyfriend about what’s been going on before your ‘friend’ starts to deliberately undermine you/ discredit your reputation in some way maliciously either to him directly or via the group.

She has zero loyalty/ kindness towards you.

I remember your other thread. Cut your losses and skip the concert- just text and say you want your 300 back by x date (then save all the horrid messages you’ll undoubtedly get) and go out with your boyfriend instead.

The woman is a grade A manipulative, vicious, leeching, bullying cunt. Why would you want to be around her anyway?

I agree you need to cut your losses on this one. Have a lovely weekend with your bf instead and cut her loose. She is no friend.

Sorry wrong thread!!!

You could always go for the total nuclear option - email the entire friendship group and say “dear all, X has decided that I am no longer welcome at the concert as she is unhappy about me dating Dave. I am sad about this but dont really want to be out of pocket as well! Does anyone else fancy going with her? If you would like to take over the ticket, please can you forward £X to me but you will have to message X direct as I am currently persona non grata! Hope you have a fab time if you do decide to go - should be really fun”

Light the blue touch paper and retire!! Actually I probably wouldnt do that!! I would probably show the messages to the boyfriend and then cut off from her entirely and write off the money. Just not worth the aggro!!

How can you put up with that.

She is not your friend.

Of course she is jealous, but whatever the reason, ditch her.

• Write off the ticket
• Make sure dating guy knows the gist of what’s been said to you
• If appropriate timeline wise, reply to the concerned friends with a very brief summary that she’s angry with you about dating guy but you don’t understand why
• Know your worth being a doormat is a choice, not an inevitability

You do not need to appease her OP or be intimidated by her. She is very obviously jealous, possibly she fancied him.
Show and tell him the spiteful attempts she makes to break you up or put you off in a factual way, tell her you're disappointed with her behaviour, are not responsible for her feelings,and clearly request in writing your money and/or ticket back by a certain date as you don't consent to it being passed on and did not agree not to attend. I'd probably also tell her that if either of us (me and bf) wanted her opinion on our relationship we'd ask for it, so perhaps she could refrain from commenting in such an unsolicited way when our private lives have very little to do with her.

She's a write off OP, better to accept it and prioritise yourself- you won't please her, and I can't see why you'd even want to- her actions reflect very poorly on her and are embarrassing. Don't engage!

She's not your friend.

Wow. Awful behaviour from her.

Maybe she didnt realise she fancied him before you two got together and she is angry at herself for missing the opportunity. Her behaviour is still not ok though.

Sounds to me like she fancies you. Jealous that you prefer him over her in a romantic way

You seem like a really lovely person OP who would be a loyal friend but with a tendency to be a bit soft( I dont mean this in a horrible way at all) so you probably don't believe your friend, who probably comes across as a strong confident woman, could possibly be jealous of you but thats exactly what she is.
She will be raging that not only have you found a lovely boyfriend to have nice times with but you are also not at her beck and call anymore as a lot of your time is taken up with spending time with BF.
Text and say you want either the ticket or a full refund by a certain date. Also text the other girls who are going as suggested above before she tries to vilify you to them.

She's been saying he isn't really into me and is just going to ditch me.
I think she's trying to make me paranoid tbh
She could be depressed - but that isn't depression talking.
That's a nasty, jealous, shit stirring girl talking to you.
Don't excuse her behaviour.

Just tell your bf the simple truth - that you've been blindsided by your supposed good friend attacking you.
Show him the messages and tell him you just want him to be aware of what's happening in case/when she takes her nasty games a step further.

How much was the ticket? Have you paid upfront for the hotel?

If this is going to cost you £££ then no WAY would I be out of pocket because of her tantrums. I would reply saying “No, the ticket is my property and as you’ve decided I’m no longer welcome, you can either bring it to me no later than xxx time or I will collect it at xxx time. Let me know.”

I've paid for my ticket but not the hotel so thankfully not out of pocket for that.
I am a bit soft tbh but I'm trying to be a bit more forceful in a way.

The ticket was £100

Yes I would either tell her that she will return your ticket to you or give you a full refund, or you'll see her I small claims court. Even if you have no intention of this, the friendship is fucked so doesn't matter if she gets all upset.

I think you need to tell your boyfriend calmly and show him the messages . Who knows what she’s going to try next! Tell him you don’t really understand why she’s doing this but that you thought he needed to know. Hopefully a 40 year old man will think it’s as nutty as most of mns do and he’ll support you in your friendship group.

Can you be sure there has never been anything between them in the past?

Might explain some of the jealousy... (though obviously doesn't excuse her behaviour!!)

Oh my god, this reminds me of my college days! I fancied one of the group, and then it turned out so did another girl, a friend. She got really shitty with me and it all got a bit awkward. I can't believe someone is being like this in theirs 30's!!

It sounds to me like there must be a history between them that you are unaware of. Do you have any mutual friends you could ask? I expect he was sort of dating her before you or is an ex