AIBU to say that if you work in child protection you shouldn't post pictures of yourself wanking at work in fetish gear?

[ArcheryAnnie]

People do all kinds of things in their private life, and - as long as it's all consensual, and involving adults, in private - that's absolutely fine with me. Even if it involves fetish stuff that I find deeply unsexy. It's your private time and your business.

But if you bring your fetish into work, that's really inappropriate. Involving other people in your kink without their consent is not OK.

If you bring your fetish into work and take time to entertain yourself in the loos with it, that's way, way beyond really inappropriate.

If you work in child protection campaigning, and bring your fetish into work, and take time to entertain yourself in the loos with it, and take a photo of yourself while doing it, and upload that photo onto the internet, then you probably need to consider whether a career in child protection is really for you.

(And if you are doing this while working on campaigns about abused and neglected children, you should not be surprised when people ask what made you so aroused.)

And dear NSPCC - who I used to have a direct debit to, and who used to be in my will - people objecting to this are not being homophobic or "bullying". Many of who are objecting to your staff member's actions are ourselves gay. We just seem to have a better grasp of safeguarding than you do.

Do we really have to tell men this? It's never okay to go piss yourself and wank at work. The fact you can do this kinky fetish shit whilst in a child safeguarding environment makes you even more creepy.

Just no. No no no no no no no no no no

There is a part of me that thinks if he wanted to wear kinky gear at work and wank in the loos, it's nasty but if noone ever knows about it, what harm? Maybe people you work with are doing similar, if you never know, so what?

No
Its a massive red flag in a Child Protection & Safeguarding environment.

Plus they're a charity. So it's public donations that are paying his salary whilst he wanks in the loos.

two Guardian journos getting in a froth about this. They really need to be scrutinised by their employer on this one.

That's NSPCC's reputation spaffed up the wall.

if noone ever knows about it, what harm?

Well of course what the eye don't see the 'eart don't grieve. However, he posted all this online so the whole internet could see it. So lots of people do know about it.

How much are we paying him to wank in the loos?

two Guardian journos getting in a froth about this. They really need to be scrutinised by their employer on this one.

Owen Jones, Chris Godfrey & Dawn Foster really should as journalists do better research. All three have been screaming, 'transphobe', 'homophobes' etc

The editors at Guardian are being seriously remiss in publishing everything that Jones especially is churning out in the last few days.

Its difficult not to think this is about them protecting close friends unquestioningly.

The Guardian should have someone in on staff able to explain Safeguarding & Child Protection.

Well, if supporting adults is more important than supporting children i think the NSPCC has just told us who they really are.
Just another example of a charity that becomes about the money and the machine and not about the cause.

FGS people.

Just imagine getting ready for work tomorrow.

You pack your bag, make sure you have your lunch, a couple of pens, phone, book, diary, make up bag, comb, gimp mask,. crotchless knickers...

Seriously, tell me this is not unreasonable behaviour. Nobody fucking sane does that. Not for work.

Equating this to wearing sexy knickers to spice up your marriage, is confused thinking IMO. My thoughts on this is that if you're wearing sexy knickers because you want to spice up your marriage, you'll go to work, do your work and then rush home to your husband for a fuck. You're not involving your co-workers in your spicing up are you?

The difference with this guy is that he's doing it to spice up his work life. That's a very different proposition. Work life isn't supposed to be spicy, unless you work in Ann Summers. Work life in a child protection charity, is definitely not supposed to be spicy.

Also the whole consent thing - it isn't just about whether someone knows about you involving them in your BDSM fantasies or not. It's the fact that you have chosen to involve them without their consent. You've gone to all the trouble of wearing your latex pants with the holes for the penis and the testicles to poke through, so you can enjoy the fantasy of whatever it is your fantasy is (let's not get too detailed here, it's tea-time).

This is an absolute world away from sitting in a meeting having sexual fantasies about Nigel in accounts. You haven't gone out of your way to make special preparations to have that fantasy.

The point is, your fantasy isn't just happening in your mind if you've actually bothered to get special clothing or equipment to facilitate that fantasy. That's a boundary crossed and anyone in the BDSM scene 20 years ago, would have told you that it was unacceptable and unethical.

This guys Instagram is interesting.

He has a story highlights entitled 'work'. Now, I know he doesn't work directly in child protection, he does PR stuff, and I know charity PR is different to what the charity itself does but it's very..... fluffy. I don't know, it's like he doesn't work for a child protection charity, but for a clothing brand or something.

He also has a couple of stories (last one was 20 hours ago) about what is going on, with no self awareness about what he has done.

I just remember reading on here years ago, an example from someone in a BDSM group, who said that a man in their group would never go down to Tesco and buy yogurt and cucumber for the purposes of sexual shenanigans, as it would be involving the sales assistant in his kink without her consent. That such behaviour fell below the ethical standards expected in her BDSM group.

I remember being quite impressed by that.

How standards have fallen, eh.

You pack your bag, make sure you have your lunch, a couple of pens, phone, book, diary, make up bag, comb, gimp mask,. crotchless knickers...

Yes!

Imagine where this guys priorities lie? I can barely ensure that I have my purse, phone and keys (and kids to ship off to breakfast club!) with me when I leave for work, let alone a load of fetish paraphanalia.

Just to play devils advocate. If a heterosexual guy in exactly the same role did exactly the same thing do you think he’d have been sacked by now?

in a way I agree that the place of work is irrelevant - how would people feel if it was a school ? Or even a hospital or just an office? a work toilet is a work toilet wherever it is ? And the fact that the video was made public and linked to the place of work to me is gross misconduct irrespective of the sexual orientation or type of work . Its disgusting.

This is offensive regardless of which area of expertise you work in. It would have been a sackable offence in any company I have worked for.

The behaviour of this man shows the danger of mixed toilets in a way that words cannot!

/\

THis

Why cant people go to work and do the job they are paid to do ?

He also has a couple of stories (last one was 20 hours ago) about what is going on, with no self awareness about what he has done.

As he has been involved in this ‘scene’ from a young age, I suspect his understanding of child safeguarding and appropriate boundaries is lacking. It’s his own blind spot.

Just to play devils advocate. If a heterosexual guy in exactly the same role did exactly the same thing do you think he’d have been sacked by now?

yes, I think he would to be honest (with the shit storm - no pun intended -that is Oxfam at the moment) and quite rightly so.

Why are none of the newspapers picking up on this story?

I think getting worked up about what people choose to wear under their clothes is what makes MN come across as pearl clutching. Personally I don't really give a shit what people wear under their suit for sexual kicks - be it rubber fetishwear or a nice bra.

I care that this individual is a) involving other people in his sex life by wanking in a toilet accessible to others, b) wanking on work time when his salary is paid for by public donations, c) is oblivious to the child safeguarding concerns raised by his activities and d) is bringing his employer into disrepute because of all of the above.

Why are none of the newspapers picking up on this story?

Why indeed. I think we all know why.

Chocolatehat - because they're terrified of being accused of homophobia.

Taboos are useful, aren't they?

I care that this individual is a) involving other people in his sex life by wanking in a toilet accessible to others, b) wanking on work time when his salary is paid for by public donations, c) is oblivious to the child safeguarding concerns raised by his activities and d) is bringing his employer into disrepute because of all of the above.

^ THIS. 1000 x THIS ^