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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if this bothers her that much she should pay to get it sorted herself?

173 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 12/06/2019 21:40

Neighbour, with whom I share freehold of flat, is, to put it mildly, a bit on the controlling side. I'm trying to be as objective as possible here as she may have a point but I think some of this is useful context. She sends me a lot of requests/demands about how I should manage my life and my property. Sends me several messages a week complaining about various issues to do with my bins - some valid some less so (I did have some leftover decorating rubbish in the garden which I can see was an eyesore for a couple of weeks and she was very assiduous in pestering me to deal with that. It's now been dealt with). But she notices every time a stray binbag finds its way into her wheelie bin and I am always blamed for it and asked to drop everything to deal with it even if its nothing to do with me. She has asked me not to use my hairdryer after 10pm. She's always giving me unsolicited advice about which locks to install on my windows. She's asked me to make less noise when I close my front door. That kind of thing.

So the latest thing is that she is bothered by the noise that is generated when my hot tap is turned on and off. I have the same issue when she turns hers on and off. It's the kind of fairly routine ambient boiler nose which you hear in pipes in people's houses. Frankly I couldn't care less about it.

Last week she sent me a text saying the noise was causing her stress and would I get a plumber in to look at it. I called a plumber out today. Plumber looked at it, went and had a look in her loft where the shared water pipes for both flats are, turned taps on and off and fiddled with things and eventually concluded that the problem was with her boiler and it was up to her to sort it out.

She promptly sent me a text saying my plumber didn't know what he was talking about and that she had separately taken advice and done a lot of research and concluded that some appliance needs to be added to the pipes in the loft to stop them making the noise and would I share the cost of getting this appliance fitted. Having spent over £100 calling out a plumber who definitely told her it was her problem and not mine, I'm not massively inclined to do this. I've told her I'll get an independent third opinion on it when I have a chance (I have a lot going on in my professional and private life and don't really have time for this) and she's now come back and said she needs it dealt with by a certain date and she'll book the plumber etc.

My feeling is that if she's sufficiently bothered by a bit of noise in the pipes it should be her responsibility to get it fixed. If we discover there's a structural problem which could lead to damage I'm happy to deal with it. But at the moment I feel I'm being railroaded into paying for her to deal with one of her numerous neuroses and I need to push back. AIBU?

OP posts:
IceQueenCometh · 14/06/2019 17:59

Tell her to submit a complaint about the noise to your local district council, and that you will be happy to co-operate with their inquiry.

Until you hear from them, you have nothing more to say to her on the subject.

And block.

nuxe1984 · 14/06/2019 18:02

I would block her. You live in the same bloody building for goodness sake! If she needs to communicate over the lease or anything she can knock on the door or send you a note.

If you don't want to do that then don't respond to her. You're just fuelling her fire ...

RomanyQueen · 14/06/2019 18:13

How has she got your number, our neighbours don't have ours and we all get on great, chat over the wall etc.
Live your life and ignore, why would you have to do as she says.
If you want to leave rubbish in your garden, then do so.
If you haven't put bin in her bin, tell her to do it herself.

Trudij123 · 14/06/2019 18:13

Would you like to borrow my fridge? It’s just started making a cracking noise - she’d love it, I’m sure....

People are strange....

Witchtower · 14/06/2019 18:22

I have exactly the same issues. But I live in a freehold of 6 flats, with one flat similar to your neighbour.

Look at your lease. I don’t think you are liable to agree to anything.

1forAll74 · 14/06/2019 18:35

Is this woman having any treatment for her manic condition,,but whatever,even though you have to live there,I would try and ignore all her requests and other things, hard to do I know,but it would drive me mad with a neighbour such as her.

I only have a cat hater next to me,and also she told me not to throw some old broken up bread crusts on top of my shed for the birds, she said the birds sometimes drop a piece of bread in her garden when flying off, and she does not like bread in her garden ha ha.

Betternotbebadnews · 14/06/2019 18:47

My neighbour whom I share the freehold with is exactly the same. Similar demands about bins, the state of my garden, what plants I planted, the noise of my DD walking during the day time etc. Then I had building works last year and she blamed me for the existing cracks in her walls even though I had a party wall agreement that documented all her existing cracks. She spent thousands of pounds trying to find a structural engineer, a subsidence expert, a drainage person and then various builders to try and blame my works for her cracks.

With one builder she was so rude to him because he wouldn't say that it was my fault he came knocking to tell me to be careful.

I confronted her with this information and a few weeks later she hired a plasterer to fix her flat which still had 1980's wallpaper.

She even complained and initially blocked my extension because she said that when she looked out of her kitchen window she would see only roof. I had to consult a lawyer about that too.

I now have stopped replying to her texts and demands. I even now get my DS to play his sax when she turns on her washing machine which is directly above his bedroom at 9 pm just to make a point. I was always so considerate with her but after bending over backwards to please her and she continuing to make demands, I have found no contact to be best.

She has now stopped complaining. Doesn't comment.

FizzyGreenWater · 14/06/2019 19:16

Stand outside her door late at night at chant HELENNNN.... HELENNNNNN in a spooky voice, then when she asks you about it say - 'yes! Yes I did hear that. The pipes were calling for Helen weren't they?'

Grin
Trudij123 · 14/06/2019 19:36
Grin
Corna · 14/06/2019 19:47

See if you can get the pipes to play a tune by turning them on and off in rhythm.

She sounds like a right pain in the arse. The more you do for her the more she will want from you. Tell her to get bent, and just be a reasonable, considerate neighbour as you would for any normal person.

jade9390 · 14/06/2019 20:48

I have a worse neighbour and noise issue. Noise can be a terrible issue for anyone but you got a plumber out who said it was her boiler, so you have done your part. Tell her that, she cannot demand that anything should be done by a certain date, she a not a court. And do not worry, the council will not be interested as you are not a landlord, in social housing and the noise is not an anti social social issue. Environmental health will not be interested nor will any solicitors or groups like citizens advice. I would block her number, just be polite when she says hello and do not engage with her complaints unless they are fair. I simply do not answer my door to my neighbour and cross the street when I see her, due to her threats. I could have got an injunction but it was impossible when she has to walk past my door to get to her flat but remember, it is a possibility for you, if she gets worse.

winniestone37 · 14/06/2019 22:22

she's nuts, ignore her.

omione · 14/06/2019 22:41

A good Scottish reply would be "Get yersel awa tae fuck" i am sure no translation is needed

GMFLondon · 14/06/2019 22:54

My nasty neighbour threw a bag of old food in my black bin then took a photo of the contents of my bin next morning before the bin lorry came. Am expecting a letter from the council telling me food waste should go in the brown bin. But I'm ready with the downloaded cctv footage of the relevant actions. Not the first nor will be the last time old spiteful has a go at me, she actually got a police caution as a result of impersonating me and ordering services in my name from a tradesman. Idiot was stupid enough to leave a message on the company voicemail, luckily. Am considering moving as have had enough!

Coldandfrosty · 15/06/2019 15:28

I used to have a neighbour like this. Luckily I rented so I just passed it all to land lady

EL8888 · 16/06/2019 08:10

I would block her number and do nothing about the alleged hot water tap issue. Probably worth replying to clarify you won't be paying more money and you have already obtained a plumbers feedback so there is a paper trail. Once she has exhausted this then she will probably move onto something else anyway. Lots of properties have little quirks and why spend thousands ironing them out when they impact so little. It feels like to me that she doesn't have her own life?! She's even more of a control freak than my mother. I wouldn't feed into this and as others have mentioned suggest she speaks to the council re hairdryer use etc

Whosorrynow · 16/06/2019 10:26

@GMFLondon how absolutely dreadful 😟
Do you know what triggered her campaign against you? I'm not suggesting that you were to blame in anyway but presumably something sparked her off?

billy1966 · 16/06/2019 10:42

I think the best suggestion involves telling her you will no longer be contactable via phone and give her an e-mail address. I would then block her.

I'm all for live and let live but she is harrassing you and unfortunately you have allowed her to.

Step back and be firmer with you.

A cease and desist letter sounds like a very good idea.

GMFLondon · 16/06/2019 19:42

@Whosorrynow:
Just moving in next door set her off apparently, we've since heard she did terrible things to the previous occupants. Alas, so unlucky to live next door to her as everyone else is so lovely! We are now on first name terms with our Safer Neighbourhood Team, but their powers seem limited against her endless spitefulness as she's quite canny and usually stays just this side of getting into trouble over her antics. That's why we got the CCTV, and it's come in handy with her nonsense.

Supermansmum · 16/06/2019 20:03

She's an utter fruitcake. You have been far too patient with her. People like her need to be told don't live in a flat if general every day humans living their lives offend you. I have a friend who had a crazy neighbour. First he said the noise of the child "running around the flat" was the problem-the child was a 9mo baby who had just started waking, then it was the tv that was too loud, then the door being shut. Then she accidentally dropped a baking tray. The local anti social team told him he was being completely unreasonable and mu friend wasn't doing anything wrong. He then went crazy and was threatening to kill her in the night and the police were called. He was moved very soon after that. Seriously, just tell her to fuck right off. She needs a hobby or something.

thenightsky · 16/06/2019 22:21

OP have you read the novel 'Magpies' by Mark Edwards? Apparently he based it on batshit neighbours like yours.

DogHasEatenTheSqueaker · 17/06/2019 19:40

Get a drum kit, that’ll shut Helen up about the pipes! 👍

HappyLoneParentDay · 19/06/2019 20:00

@jade9390 Incorrect. Council environmental health deal with noise pollution by anybody whether home owners or council tenants

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