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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if this bothers her that much she should pay to get it sorted herself?

173 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 12/06/2019 21:40

Neighbour, with whom I share freehold of flat, is, to put it mildly, a bit on the controlling side. I'm trying to be as objective as possible here as she may have a point but I think some of this is useful context. She sends me a lot of requests/demands about how I should manage my life and my property. Sends me several messages a week complaining about various issues to do with my bins - some valid some less so (I did have some leftover decorating rubbish in the garden which I can see was an eyesore for a couple of weeks and she was very assiduous in pestering me to deal with that. It's now been dealt with). But she notices every time a stray binbag finds its way into her wheelie bin and I am always blamed for it and asked to drop everything to deal with it even if its nothing to do with me. She has asked me not to use my hairdryer after 10pm. She's always giving me unsolicited advice about which locks to install on my windows. She's asked me to make less noise when I close my front door. That kind of thing.

So the latest thing is that she is bothered by the noise that is generated when my hot tap is turned on and off. I have the same issue when she turns hers on and off. It's the kind of fairly routine ambient boiler nose which you hear in pipes in people's houses. Frankly I couldn't care less about it.

Last week she sent me a text saying the noise was causing her stress and would I get a plumber in to look at it. I called a plumber out today. Plumber looked at it, went and had a look in her loft where the shared water pipes for both flats are, turned taps on and off and fiddled with things and eventually concluded that the problem was with her boiler and it was up to her to sort it out.

She promptly sent me a text saying my plumber didn't know what he was talking about and that she had separately taken advice and done a lot of research and concluded that some appliance needs to be added to the pipes in the loft to stop them making the noise and would I share the cost of getting this appliance fitted. Having spent over £100 calling out a plumber who definitely told her it was her problem and not mine, I'm not massively inclined to do this. I've told her I'll get an independent third opinion on it when I have a chance (I have a lot going on in my professional and private life and don't really have time for this) and she's now come back and said she needs it dealt with by a certain date and she'll book the plumber etc.

My feeling is that if she's sufficiently bothered by a bit of noise in the pipes it should be her responsibility to get it fixed. If we discover there's a structural problem which could lead to damage I'm happy to deal with it. But at the moment I feel I'm being railroaded into paying for her to deal with one of her numerous neuroses and I need to push back. AIBU?

OP posts:
mokapot · 13/06/2019 04:00

@pictish

Grin pmsl

Bet neighbour is a “Helen”

RebootYourEngine · 13/06/2019 04:06

Agree with the others, tell her you are not going to pay for this or any other unnecessary things and then ignore her.

visitorthedog · 13/06/2019 04:27

You could say that you are entitled to live peacefully in your home too and all these communications are impacting that.

GhostIsAGoodBoi · 13/06/2019 05:31

“I can’t continue to suffer your daily harassment over non existent issues. To be clear - I am not paying for any plumbing work. Now fucking do one and stop hassling me over fuck all.”

Then block her on everything.

Durgasarrow · 13/06/2019 05:33

I also think that you can say that by getting a plumber in to look at the pipes, you have already gone "way above and beyond" in addressing her concerns, Nah, scratch that. It's true, but I like what other people said better, the thing about being happy with what the plumber said.

StealthPolarBear · 13/06/2019 06:19

Agree with all the others, tell her you have already been more than reasonable and you will not be paying, jow or ever, as this issue is not a problem for you. And that you need the ongoing texts to stop.
But... Have you sometimes put your bags in her bin?

Apolloanddaphne · 13/06/2019 06:54

She sounds a bit batshit. Stop acquiescing to her demands. Tell her she is welcome to try and solve the pipe issue but you will not be paying.

crapcrap · 13/06/2019 07:16

Sounds awful.. no I wouldn't pay. I'd also change my number and forget to give her the new one.

RestingBitchFaced · 13/06/2019 08:01

I would tell her bluntly that your not going to pay anything, and then ignore all further messages

MonkeyTrap · 13/06/2019 08:08

I've just had another text from her saying she can't continue to "suffer" from noise pollution any longer.
Don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I actually think people like this are bullies to some degree. They think they can force their views onto everyone and have them agree. I know someone just like it.

Well Helen, that’s your problem so you sort it if means that much to you.

notapizzaeater · 13/06/2019 08:10

Noise from running a tap ? She's having a laugh. I'd send her s9me ear plugs !

thepeopleversuswork · 13/06/2019 08:18

kidsmakesomuchwashing I've got an 8 year-old DD who makes noise the way all kids make noise. I've long suspected that she can't stand living in such close proximity to a kid but knows that she can't do anything about kid noise, so she channels her frustration into random and utterly tortuous bits of control-freakery about other things like bins and hot water pipes.

OP posts:
ControversialFerret · 13/06/2019 08:32

One text back to her:

If you have issues with noise then contact the council. I've paid a plumber to check my side of things and he's found nothing. That's as much as I'm going to do. To be clear, I will not pay any costs you choose to incur. I've tried to remain on good terms but your constant texts are crossing over into harassment. If you carry on like this then I will block you.

GhostRidersInDisguise · 13/06/2019 08:33

How the fuckety fuck fuck fuck have you not texted her the finger by now is a Vatican worthy miracle in it's own right OP seriously.

Type "Get to fuck" now. Do it.

'Helen' is the sort of person, "Oh do fuck off dear" is perfect for.

Hells teeth!

MintyT · 13/06/2019 08:55

Do what @ControversialFerret has advised.

Nanny0gg · 13/06/2019 08:55

Bins and rubbish she had a point.

The rest-no.

GertrudeSaysWhat · 13/06/2019 09:05

She sounds like a loon.

We have a path which runs down the side of our garden (alleyway) that leads to one house behind. Neighbours in the house behind decided they wanted a gate at the end of the path for security (their path, their land, only leads to their house) - they wanted us to contribute to the cost of the gate. We have politely refused.

Neighbours can be weird and selfish. You’ve gone above and beyond. You can quite comfortable say no now, knowing you are being utterly reasonable.

Pinkmouse6 · 13/06/2019 09:09

YANBU, she sounds unhinged. Block her number and blank her when you see her outside, put your earphones in or something. Not your responsibility at all.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 13/06/2019 09:12

Just tell her to fuck off a few times, until she stops bothering you unless it's really important.

Rockmysocks · 13/06/2019 09:17

Dear God, where do these people come from? !

How about you reply that you've already called out a plumber, costing you £100, that the issue is with her boiler, not yours, and that her running hot water makes the same noise in your home and it doesn't bother you.

Reply just to create an audit trail. If she goes ahead and gets the work done she cannot then say there was an oral agreement that you would pay half if she tries to take you to small claims court.

Then, shut down every petty fuckwittery the delusional and neurotic bat can dream up to get upset with - ignore and block or defend with 'not me, I didn't put anything in your bin - you should install CCTV to catch the real culprit' and keep turning it back on her to take action.

Jinglejanglefish · 13/06/2019 09:23

We used to have a neighbour that was obsessed with the bins. It was utterly tiresome. We would hear her sifting through the recycling at night looking for non- recycables. Don't engage with it.

Jinglejanglefish · 13/06/2019 09:27

Oh and when we first moved in she gave us a colour coded and laminated guide to how the bin system worked.

PlatypusPie · 13/06/2019 09:34

I think you are right about the child noise, OP - I’m surprised she hasn’t included that or insisted you teach your child to levitate or put her to bed at 5.30 every night.

Living with genuinely bad or noisy neighbours is debilitating but your neighbour sounds as if she has lost all sense of proportion about normal flat living

Rockmysocks · 13/06/2019 09:34

Jinglejanglefish
Love the idea of a laminated guide! Recycling for the hard of thinking! Grin

But, seriously, where do these people come from?!

Purplecatshopaholic · 13/06/2019 09:43

Life is too short to deal with batshit crazy people. I just dont engage. We all have things to deal with in our lives!

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