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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if this bothers her that much she should pay to get it sorted herself?

173 replies

thepeopleversuswork · 12/06/2019 21:40

Neighbour, with whom I share freehold of flat, is, to put it mildly, a bit on the controlling side. I'm trying to be as objective as possible here as she may have a point but I think some of this is useful context. She sends me a lot of requests/demands about how I should manage my life and my property. Sends me several messages a week complaining about various issues to do with my bins - some valid some less so (I did have some leftover decorating rubbish in the garden which I can see was an eyesore for a couple of weeks and she was very assiduous in pestering me to deal with that. It's now been dealt with). But she notices every time a stray binbag finds its way into her wheelie bin and I am always blamed for it and asked to drop everything to deal with it even if its nothing to do with me. She has asked me not to use my hairdryer after 10pm. She's always giving me unsolicited advice about which locks to install on my windows. She's asked me to make less noise when I close my front door. That kind of thing.

So the latest thing is that she is bothered by the noise that is generated when my hot tap is turned on and off. I have the same issue when she turns hers on and off. It's the kind of fairly routine ambient boiler nose which you hear in pipes in people's houses. Frankly I couldn't care less about it.

Last week she sent me a text saying the noise was causing her stress and would I get a plumber in to look at it. I called a plumber out today. Plumber looked at it, went and had a look in her loft where the shared water pipes for both flats are, turned taps on and off and fiddled with things and eventually concluded that the problem was with her boiler and it was up to her to sort it out.

She promptly sent me a text saying my plumber didn't know what he was talking about and that she had separately taken advice and done a lot of research and concluded that some appliance needs to be added to the pipes in the loft to stop them making the noise and would I share the cost of getting this appliance fitted. Having spent over £100 calling out a plumber who definitely told her it was her problem and not mine, I'm not massively inclined to do this. I've told her I'll get an independent third opinion on it when I have a chance (I have a lot going on in my professional and private life and don't really have time for this) and she's now come back and said she needs it dealt with by a certain date and she'll book the plumber etc.

My feeling is that if she's sufficiently bothered by a bit of noise in the pipes it should be her responsibility to get it fixed. If we discover there's a structural problem which could lead to damage I'm happy to deal with it. But at the moment I feel I'm being railroaded into paying for her to deal with one of her numerous neuroses and I need to push back. AIBU?

OP posts:
thepeopleversuswork · 12/06/2019 22:48

thegingeningeclansmum funny you should say that I did subject her to a bit of drum n bass earlier ;)

Might put some metal on now...

OP posts:
GreyHare · 12/06/2019 22:51

I would text her back and say it's ok, you'll just turn your hair dryer on when you run the hot tap to drown out the noise Grin

thepeopleversuswork · 12/06/2019 22:51

BlinkingBlimey no she's not. She seems to really struggle with life though. I do wonder why someone like this would choose to live in a big city as opposed to moving to somewhere where they won't be bothered by other human beings.

OP posts:
Greenolivesorblackolives · 12/06/2019 22:51

Don’t give her the tome of day. Just don’t reply to anymore of her nonsense.

Freddiefox · 12/06/2019 22:52

I think it’s time she moved to a detached rural house, no? Won’t or can’t afford it? She’d better just get on with it

Ellie56 · 12/06/2019 22:52

She is totally batshit. Just text her back, "Maybe you need to consider moving. Like to a field in the middle of nowhere." Then block her.Stupid woman.

Hmm
MrsMoastyToasty · 12/06/2019 22:53

Tell her to move to the far side of fuck if noise is such a problem.
Pipes expand, they clang and rattle. Liquid flows through them, it makes a noise.

pictish · 12/06/2019 22:55

Use category’s suggestion.

“If you wish to install [appliance], I won't have any objections, however, I don't think it's necessary work and won't be contributing to any costs incurred.”

pictish · 12/06/2019 22:56

This is in response to her reply about noise pollution.
Sack her off. She’s a pain in the arse.

Herewegogoooo · 12/06/2019 22:56

If she had already had a plumber in to look at it why did she let you waste your money getting another plumber in. Tell her that’s not on and you won’t be spending any further money on it as the noise isn’t bothering you anyway. After that avoid her as much as possible and certainly don’t spend any further money on her issues

GreenTulips · 12/06/2019 22:57

Don’t give her the tome of day Grin

Patios cheaper!!

timeisnotaline · 12/06/2019 22:59

Christ you are being so nice about everything. Don’t you need to put a load of washing on right now?
In the future say no to pretyy much everything. Say
-your hours have changed and you’re often not home till late so I need to dry my hair late now. Unless she’d like to pay your mortgage so you don’t need the job?
-It’s not my bag
-I’m closing my door. That’s what people do. Allow me to demonstrate. And go in closing door behind you.

DizzySue · 12/06/2019 23:00

I've just had another text from her saying she can't continue to "suffer" from noise pollution any longer.

I'm not sure I can continue to suffer many more if your annoying texts Helen.

GreenTulips · 12/06/2019 23:00

I had a similar neighbour - they really are bored with little else to do in their day.

She won’t stop unless you pull her up and push back

NDN years ago complained DD 18 months had thrown a rock in her garden, she knocked just as I was putting DD to bed, asked that I should go round in the dark and rain to collect the (tiny stone) rock and smack DD for being so naughty

We’d also had ‘those weeds need dealing with’ ‘the guttering needs cleaning’ ‘DS is on the slide(?)’ really weird

That was the last I spoke to her

Blinkingblimey · 12/06/2019 23:02

Have to say these days I do live in a detached, rurally in the middle of nowhere...hope Susan does too, her ‘nerves’ damn well needed the break🙄🤣. Even more irritatingly she was one of ‘those’ women who’d accept a point a view from a bloke without question but treat any view from another woman with certain disdain. Did my head in😬. Really hope your neighbour takes the hint and backs off🤞.

StrippingTheVelvet · 12/06/2019 23:02

Tell her if she records it and sends it to environmental health you will be happy to consider their professional opinions and recommendations.

seven201 · 12/06/2019 23:06

My neighbour is a bit like yours. Urgent messages that turn out to be that a piece of brown paper, that came off other neighbours roof during building work, has poked through under her fence and needs moving ie poking back to my side! Lots of serious emails about bins, parking, power cuts, drainpipes. I'll tell Helen to fuck off next time too.

Nitpickpicnic · 12/06/2019 23:07

Hang on, are you actually putting your rubbish in bins that are hers?

When I’ve had batshit neighbours- like the guy who insisted I’d been sneaking into his house and pouring blood down his kitchen wall- I’ve been very careful to not give them any legitimate cause to contact me (or anyone else about my behaviour).

Don’t poke crazy people. Yes, you shouldn’t have to live as the ‘perfect’ neighbour when others are far worse. But for your own sanity, it might be worth it.

timeisnotaline · 12/06/2019 23:08

But you really do need to send a crystal clear ‘to be clear, my plumber says the problems with your boiler. I don’t know why you’ve decided I obviously hired a fake plumber but I won’t be paying for this appliance.’

DoctorDread · 12/06/2019 23:09

Text back with a link to a lovely pair of noise cancelling headphones OP! Voila!

CSIblonde · 12/06/2019 23:11

She's getting a reaction every time she 'pokes', which is fuelling the dynamic she's set up. Ignore her & she'll give up. (similar experience & neighbour).

Iheardarumer · 12/06/2019 23:13

You could try the breaking bad approach? Ie "Helen, get out of my fucking ass".

Alternatively I think category's text covers everything.

bridgetreilly · 12/06/2019 23:23

I've just had another text from her saying she can't continue to "suffer" from noise pollution any longer.

In that case she should report you to the council and they can come and measure the noise to see if it's over the decibel level. It won't be.

tobeforgotten · 12/06/2019 23:27

As asked above
Are you and Helen the only two who share the freehold or are there also other flats?

thepeopleversuswork · 12/06/2019 23:28

bridgetreilly that's actually a blindingly good idea. I might try that.

OP posts: