To think if this bothers her that much she should pay to get it sorted herself?

[thepeopleversuswork]

Neighbour, with whom I share freehold of flat, is, to put it mildly, a bit on the controlling side. I'm trying to be as objective as possible here as she may have a point but I think some of this is useful context. She sends me a lot of requests/demands about how I should manage my life and my property. Sends me several messages a week complaining about various issues to do with my bins - some valid some less so (I did have some leftover decorating rubbish in the garden which I can see was an eyesore for a couple of weeks and she was very assiduous in pestering me to deal with that. It's now been dealt with). But she notices every time a stray binbag finds its way into her wheelie bin and I am always blamed for it and asked to drop everything to deal with it even if its nothing to do with me. She has asked me not to use my hairdryer after 10pm. She's always giving me unsolicited advice about which locks to install on my windows. She's asked me to make less noise when I close my front door. That kind of thing.

So the latest thing is that she is bothered by the noise that is generated when my hot tap is turned on and off. I have the same issue when she turns hers on and off. It's the kind of fairly routine ambient boiler nose which you hear in pipes in people's houses. Frankly I couldn't care less about it.

Last week she sent me a text saying the noise was causing her stress and would I get a plumber in to look at it. I called a plumber out today. Plumber looked at it, went and had a look in her loft where the shared water pipes for both flats are, turned taps on and off and fiddled with things and eventually concluded that the problem was with her boiler and it was up to her to sort it out.

She promptly sent me a text saying my plumber didn't know what he was talking about and that she had separately taken advice and done a lot of research and concluded that some appliance needs to be added to the pipes in the loft to stop them making the noise and would I share the cost of getting this appliance fitted. Having spent over £100 calling out a plumber who definitely told her it was her problem and not mine, I'm not massively inclined to do this. I've told her I'll get an independent third opinion on it when I have a chance (I have a lot going on in my professional and private life and don't really have time for this) and she's now come back and said she needs it dealt with by a certain date and she'll book the plumber etc.

My feeling is that if she's sufficiently bothered by a bit of noise in the pipes it should be her responsibility to get it fixed. If we discover there's a structural problem which could lead to damage I'm happy to deal with it. But at the moment I feel I'm being railroaded into paying for her to deal with one of her numerous neuroses and I need to push back. AIBU?

Give her the number of the council's environmental officers who deal with noise pollution and block. It won't be over the expected amount of noise.

What buttery and bridge said. Then block her.

Don't engage with her. My god that woman would drive me up the wall. Stand your ground and tell her you've done your bit calling out a plumber and if she wants to go ahead in sorting out the boiler or whatever that's up to her and you won't be forking our any more money.

You've been more than patient. Buy her some earplugs or send her some details for detached properties for sale!

Tell her if she doesn't want to continue to suffer from noise pollution she needs to get her boiler sorted out, as per a reputable plumber's advice.

Tell her that you lie next door to her, not with her. It’s too much.

You set a rather dodgy precedent when you acquiesced to all her demands. But you can stop now. Tell her you are happy with your plumber and that anything else she chooses to do is entirely at her own cost and you will not be liable for any expenditure, the. Block her number.

Why is Helen being so mad? Surely it would have been in your plumber's interests to diagnose the fault as being on your side, so he could charge you to do the work. He had no reason whatsoever to apportion it to her boiler, other than it being the truth!

(He sounds like a really decent plumber, btw. Three cheers for Mario there.)

And don’t be be getting a third opinion! What on earth is that about?

I would reply to advise her that you do not believe that you are responsible for any noise that would be considered a nuisance, statutory or otherwise and that normal living noise is both reasonable and should be expected and you have the right to live normally in your home. Also that if she is finding that she is particularly sensitive to normal living noise then it is her responsibility to address either by dealing with own coping mechanisms or by addressing noise with the confines of her home, however you are not accepting financial responsibility for her doing so.

Helen's a knobber

I also think you have been very patient; your reply about damage vs. noise was great.

My first thought was same as Shadowboy's - you've already been very gracious getting someone in to have a look at something that's not a problem for you! If it is genuinely louder on her side then it wouldn't surprise me if that's because it's a problem with her own plumbing, as the plumber said.

Yeah, i go with: Helen, fuck off!

You have more patience than me.

Worst thing she can do is to complain about the noise.

... worst thing that can happen is that you get a specialised agent to check the noise levels, who will reassure you both that she is complaining about nothing.

NDN does sound as if she's become completely overwhelmed by everything. I think you would be doing her a FAVOUR by ignoring her.

At the moment her mind is thinking "OMG!OMG! There's a random bag in my bin!"... "OMG! those pipes are driving me mad, I'm going to pop!"...

If you keep responding she will never discover that

• the sky will not actually fall in
• she can still breathe, and
• the noise doesn't cause her head to explode.

So think of it as to her benefit.

If her head does actually pop, then it'll get her to the gp who will hopefully see that she had some stuff they can help sort.

I'm still laughing at the 'Helen, fuck off' comment on page 1

But to be fair, it says it all!!

How and why has she even got your number to be able to text you?!

Oh she sounds like a right pest. She's complaining that she can't suffer any more noise pollution so tell her that you are not prepared to suffer any more harassment and extortion attempts. Point out all the times you have accommodated her bizarre, ridiculous and unreasonable requests but say, Helen, you are getting on my last nerve. Get a life.
Make it clear that if she wants to take it further and make official complaints she will find it hard to sell up when she eventually realises she needs to move to the moon as rows with neighbours have to be declared.
I fear she is only going to get more bizarre as time goes on and if you don't somehow put a stop to it things could really become unpleasant. Good luck!

Not sure about ignoring, since you share the freehold and communication is sometimes required. But I agree with others that you are enabling her unreasonable requests by continuously acquiescing to them. I think you have to start responding by saying she is welcome to sort it out at her expense provided she does not damage your property or anything for which you have joint responsibility or put in place anything that will require joint maintenance or loss without signing an agreement to cover any costs herself. The polite but firm route.

Stop doing things at her behest just because she asks. Don’t suggest the council or any other way for her to “test” how reasonable her complaints are. Just say it’s not a problem for you and you don’t think it’s reasonable to expect you to change.

Tell her that you're not prepared to spend time, money or effort on non-existent problems.

You could also point out that the constant barrage of texts issuing demands from her constitutes harassment. Immediate failure to cease issuing ridiculous demands upon your time via text, phone, mail, etc will be taken further.... etc.

Ignore her you have no reason to need to engage with hers delete her number then ignore!

Have you got a friend with some young children that you could borrow for a night - haha the noise would drive her potty! She might move out!

Block her on all media and devices.

Refuse to open the door if she rings the bell.

If she still has the temerity to confront you outside you need to take decisive measures. See a solicitor and get them to write her a stiff letter with the words harassment, cease and desist contained therein.