To think if this bothers her that much she should pay to get it sorted herself?

[thepeopleversuswork]

Neighbour, with whom I share freehold of flat, is, to put it mildly, a bit on the controlling side. I'm trying to be as objective as possible here as she may have a point but I think some of this is useful context. She sends me a lot of requests/demands about how I should manage my life and my property. Sends me several messages a week complaining about various issues to do with my bins - some valid some less so (I did have some leftover decorating rubbish in the garden which I can see was an eyesore for a couple of weeks and she was very assiduous in pestering me to deal with that. It's now been dealt with). But she notices every time a stray binbag finds its way into her wheelie bin and I am always blamed for it and asked to drop everything to deal with it even if its nothing to do with me. She has asked me not to use my hairdryer after 10pm. She's always giving me unsolicited advice about which locks to install on my windows. She's asked me to make less noise when I close my front door. That kind of thing.

So the latest thing is that she is bothered by the noise that is generated when my hot tap is turned on and off. I have the same issue when she turns hers on and off. It's the kind of fairly routine ambient boiler nose which you hear in pipes in people's houses. Frankly I couldn't care less about it.

Last week she sent me a text saying the noise was causing her stress and would I get a plumber in to look at it. I called a plumber out today. Plumber looked at it, went and had a look in her loft where the shared water pipes for both flats are, turned taps on and off and fiddled with things and eventually concluded that the problem was with her boiler and it was up to her to sort it out.

She promptly sent me a text saying my plumber didn't know what he was talking about and that she had separately taken advice and done a lot of research and concluded that some appliance needs to be added to the pipes in the loft to stop them making the noise and would I share the cost of getting this appliance fitted. Having spent over £100 calling out a plumber who definitely told her it was her problem and not mine, I'm not massively inclined to do this. I've told her I'll get an independent third opinion on it when I have a chance (I have a lot going on in my professional and private life and don't really have time for this) and she's now come back and said she needs it dealt with by a certain date and she'll book the plumber etc.

My feeling is that if she's sufficiently bothered by a bit of noise in the pipes it should be her responsibility to get it fixed. If we discover there's a structural problem which could lead to damage I'm happy to deal with it. But at the moment I feel I'm being railroaded into paying for her to deal with one of her numerous neuroses and I need to push back. AIBU?

GabsAlot this is what I was wondering as well... I told her the plumber was coming on a particular time and date and she didn't mention to me she was getting one separately. Nor did her plumber speak to me or investigate to see if the issue was reciprocal.

Does she have a key? Could she have let herself/plumber in?

If she is really bothering you, instruct a solicitor to write to her and ask her to stop harassing you.

I’d send Ghosts message. But replace the last sentence with “Stop harassing me immediately”. Stupid woman.

If it's bothering her that much she needs to get the council noise team in. I suspect it would be normal family noise that they cannot take action.

Every time she texts I would reply. This is your problem, nothing to do with me. Your texts make me feel harassed!

For those of you asking why she has my number etc: you need to be able to contact people with whom you share responsibilities etc. I have no problem with her contacting me with reasonable requests and to discuss shared issues. It's quite hard to function without being able to contact people in this situation. Blocking her would be massively inflammatory and she would probably ramp up her constant demands.

My DB has a neighbour like this at the flat he owns. He will only communicate with her by email now so she can’t text him at all hours about non existent issues. I suggest replying to her text as pps suggested and telling her that you’re finding the constant texts very harassing. You do have to keep a line of communication open if you share the freehold so I would tell her to email or write so that there is a paper trail. Then block her number.

You are pandering to her OP, be firm with her that you are not a noisy neighbour. All she can do is complain to the council who will find that you also aren't loud.
I would also move to email with her so that there is a paper trail and she can still contact you if needs be.

In that case don't block her but move her over to email, every communication you get from her respond to it by email 24 hours after you receive it, never apologise for not responding straight away never apologise for not responding to calls, just reply by email the next day as if that is the right and normal thing to do

Where does Fuck Off Helen live in relation to you, OP - above, below or next door?

Dear Helen, I find it very stressful living in such close proximity to you. I feel the harassment from you has affected by mental well being and I really am not strong enough to deal with it any more. I have taken all reasonable steps to reduce noise and I will not spend any more of my money on this. If the noise I make is beyond the limit of normal living, I suggest that you call the Local Authority Noise Abatement team. There number is,

A detached house wouldn't be enough for her. Pipes make noises ffs. Suspect you're right and it's about your child making normal living noises. She needs to backoff. Go email only. Stop feeding her.

I agree don't block her or send some of the daft texts being proposed, it will simply escalate it and no one needs a war with their neighbours.

You've given your response. If her text was simply a statement that she can't live like this any more, don't respond further. If she asked another question then just reiterate your initial response politely and leave it there.

How about telling her that unless an issue is urgent such as a gas or water leak then all freehold issues will be dealt with in the quarterly(or whatever frequency) meeting.
You can't live with this constant stream of harassment.

Can you set your phone notification tone VERY loud, put your phone against the wall, turn the tap on and wait for her to text you to complain?

You have been very considerate, and painstaking.

But you have done enough, and many here have told you this!

Tell her this issue is closed from your point of view, and that recent communication has become excessive, and to confine herself to only major or urgent issues, and that you will not reply unless they are. Don't pay or contribute to anything without independent advice.

Hope you can get on with your life!

This absurd woman doesn't realise what a good neighbour she has!

Just on the plumbing issue, do you know what the "appliance" is that she wants to have fitted in the loft? I can't imagine what it could be. I lived in a flat with a cistern in the loft which fed the hot water supply to each flat. When anyone used their hot water the cistern had to replenish itself from the incoming water main, a bit like a toilet cistern refilling. If it's thoughtlessly set up it does result in a loud sound of water cascading, a bit like a tap filling a bath, which can be annoying for the flat immediately below the loft. It's quite easily silenced by adding a little extension pipe to the "tap" bit so that the incoming water is delivered below the level of the existing bath water (to continue the analogy).

Anyway, I'm not suggesting you should pay for it, and you might still want to tell her to fuck off But that might be what she's complaining about.

I agree 100% with ControversialFerret's suggested text.

Clear, concise, no nonsense.

I do not believe she had a plumber in at all and is just being a damn “Helen” nuisance.

I think that you need to be very pro-active here. I would go for a letter confirming that your qualified and experienced plumber has investigated the problem and has confirmed that the noise is coming from her boiler ( or whatever) . Therefore you will not participate in the cost of anything that she organises to attempt to resolve her issues. You could say that you notice the noise from her plumbing as well but you accept that it as part of living in a flat, close to other people.
Then you add that you are finding her constant texts about minor points unacceptable- to the point of harassment and they need to stop immediately. Raise the complaints about the bins and hairdrier as well . Then ask her to email about meaningful concerns in future and you will reply in an appropriate time frame. Make it clear that you will not respond to texts.
Then send the letter by recorded delivery.

I also don't believe she got a plumber out.
She is a bully.

I'd just text "piss off Pipezilla"

GarthFunkel :) and Croprotationinthe14thcentury you are an absolute genius.

Thinking of getting a t-shirt made with "Pipezilla" on the front.

I have not responded since the toy-throwing text last night about not being able to cope with noise pollution last night so as far as I'm concerned the matter is closed.

Thanks all for restoring my sanity and telling me to grow a pair :)

I also have batshit neighbours OP. I feel your pain. PPs have given some great advice and I’d only be reiterating. Best of British with her fuckwittery.

In that case she should report you to the council and they can come and measure the noise to see if it's over the decibel level. It won't be

Yep send this. Then tell her to GTFO!

You will both be bound by the terms and conditions laid out in your lease.

As a general rule of thumb, if anything serves one property solely it is that owners responsibility. If it serves both properties it is a shared service, so shared costs. Read your lease and get a written report from your plumber. With the written evidence she doesnt have a leg to stand on.

With regards to the noise, refer her to your local authority environmental health department. They can advise her on noise nuisance.