Am I stuck up, or is colleague rude?

[Iltavilli]

I changed career last year, and am on a training programme for a challenging new role, which I take quite seriously.

The new job is in a highly regulated environment - which I’m used to - and o approach it as such. A colleague, also on the development programme, is far more informal. He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

There was a meeting last week where I used a word he seemed not to understand. It’s wasn’t a complex word, but the most suited to the context. As he asked what it meant I explained. They then mocked me for using it. He’s a jokey person but this was mockery in front of others and felt mean.

I should note, he’s well educated (degree etc), but it isn’t the first time. He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

So who is BU?

I've had this before at work and my response was, "Are you honestly trying to vocabulary shame me, dude?"

The word was 'nosh.'

Some people seem to think the OP's gripe is that her colleague didn't understand the jargon "key". That's not the problem, it's that having had it explained to him he sneered at her for using it. That's not on. You shouldn't put him down for not knowing what something means (as some have suggested), OP, and indeed you didn't put him down, so you didn't deserve to be sneered at by him.

And it's funny how if your colleagues watch Love Island, even if you don't, you're supposed to ask questions about it in order to make conversation. If I told you I watched an excellent performance of The Magic Flute last night would you expect my Love Island-watching colleagues to ask me all about it to make conversation? I suppose not. Having interests higher than reality TV is 'snobbery', 'aloof', 'middle class' or 'thinking you're above others' to some with chips on their shoulders.

Thanks Popsuey I needed a key myself there

Jonette - go and sort your anti virus out. Oh wait...you don't know how to check if you have it....

I wouldn't worry too much. The vast majority of the people in the meeting would have been shocked that he didn't understand what a key was in that context and, to make matters worse, he then mocked you for using the correct terminology.

Speaking as a council house brat, the only people who have ever criticised me for using big/the correct words for something, for not watching soaps/eviction shows/etc or for getting ideas above my station have been complete pricks who felt threatened and wanted to knock me down in public.

One insisted upon describing me as a barmaid and cleaner to others. I'd done a week as a cleaner in 1995 and two months as a barmaid in 1997 when waiting for new jobs to start. Mind you, not only was he genuinely angry that I preferred to watch documentaries and would have been perfectly happy without a television at all, he was so convinced that I had notions above my station that I came home one day to find that he'd chucked out all my books and smashed up my bookcase so I couldn't fill it up again. The other one just complained I'd show him up in public by joining in conversations with people about stuff I knew when he couldn't. I should have remained silent or said I didn't know about them, apparently.

I don't watch 'talent' shows because I have a fundamental objection to the notion of telling people they're shit for laughs/promising instant fame for the delights of premium rate voting receipts. It's cruel. It discourages people who are more than capable of performing but don't conform to the skinny, pretty stereotype or vocal athletics. It holds people up for ridicule when what should have been done is a polite 'no thank you', rather than a 'you're great, you're fantastic, we're putting you through to see the judges', knowing that they've got their hopes up when the only reason they are being encouraged is so that somebody can destroy them on camera or because the backstory will create a few clickthroughs.

He is showing his true nature to all around him by those spiteful comments and most likely limiting his future progression, as those in authority who have come from an environment of using the correct terms, of valuing education and television for more than passive entertainment (or not using it at all, preferring books and experiences) will not appreciate his perspective that it's something to be mocked and a colleague is to be brought down at every opportunity.

@Iltavilli
I'm not trying to rile you, though it seems to be easily done.
With respect, I'm not the one with the problem here....

I don’t watch Love Island either, some people consider me to be snobby as I am educated but I am not, youngest of eight children and we were brought up in poverty, often had no food to eat and rangy clothes. I just wanted to better myself.

That should read ragged clothes.

@Jonette

I think there's a shitload on here that would disagree with you.

He is a jerk with a chip on his shoulder. Don't let him bully you. He needs nipping in the buds ASAP.

It's hard to say who is wrong or right here. I'm suspecting you both are. I am with you on the reality tv. Most, if not all of it, is trash. People at work talk about this all the time. I just nod and smile and say I didn't watch it. The conversation invariably moves on after a bit anyway so no big deal.

I think he was being a bit twattish mocking you, though I might see where he is coming from as it did sound a bit corporate.

Saying that, I work in a different environment (working class, mainly) where there's a lot of banter and conversation tends to be very light hearted

OP can I come and work with you? I hate love island, adore Rise Against and I know what key means 😀

And some of the comments on this thread show how endemic this inverse snobbery is. Don't worry, those people get left behind as you move in your profession. The ones who genuinely want to progress may well approach you privately to ask for more explanation.

He's rude to belittle you. The "middle class" comment is chippy and shows he's intimidated by you. Tough shit.

You shouldn't have to feign interest in TV programmes you don't watch. I venture to suggest this isn't something that would be expected of a man.

Ignore him. He probably won't last long on the development course if he's as dense as he sounds.

Well from what you've described no but we haven't met you so can't tell you if your normal words drip with condescension can we? Especially hearing just your side...

So I can neither confirm nor deny unless I actually saw you interact

He’s a twat.

I’ve worked with muppets like this - take heart in the fact that his behaviour only highlights his ignorance and he is making himself look even more of an idiot than he did to start with.

I’ve been mocked for my vocabulary, for reading books and the like. It used to upset me (shades of bullying someone for being “swotty” at school!) but now I see it as a huge compliment that the banal, mediocre people who think it’s ok to laugh at others, are telling me that I’m different to them. Thank fuck for that!

I don’t watch things like Love Island either. I don’t judge those who do but neither do I hugely want to talk about them. Maybe just steer the conversation away?

In the longer term, let him get on with making a fool of himself. Obviously escalate it if it tips over into out-and-out bullying but there’s good mileage in the phrase “give them enough rope and they’ll hang themselves”. And be quietly pleased that you’re not like him!

I really think he might be implying that you are taking your role in this 'highly regulated environment' a bit too seriously.

Perish the thought that someone should want to get on with the job they're paid to do!
When I was working I found it hard to be part of conversations on, for example, reality TV, and this was an opportunity for others to sneer at my lack of awareness of 'modern culture'. If i mentioned the names of people I find interesting then I was being snobby, because of their ignorance.
Inverted snobbery is as bad as regular snobbery.

Next time he speaks to you, Humphrey Appleby him

@Rumboogie I don't think it's dumbing down of books, I just think young people don't read.

I'm 24 and read a lot, but my DP hadn't read a fiction book since school when we met and when I was in secondary lots of kids openly said they never read books.

You can always tell readers from non readers just in your conversation. Ffs a 50 yo woman didn't know that majoritarily was a word the other day

'Pervasive' is a fine word and quite commonly used. He is definitely not very nice, people who enjoy embarrassing others are extremely unpleasant.

Meh OP he's being rude and defensive/

I once asked in a staff meeting if i could "add a caveat" regarding something we were doing (youth work). A guy older than me and with longer service experience raised his hand, asked what the word meant and then thanked me nicely for adding a word to his vocab. I got a little stick off my mates for using the word but only in a playful way. That's how grown ups handle it.

If he has a tendency to mock you or make constant comments like this, do you feel comfortable challenging him directly or is there someone above you both you can speak to? It isn't your fault his work-vocab is limited!

Anyone who deals with data analysis/charts/Excel spreadsheets ought to know what a key is.

He was definitively trying to deflect his own lack of knowledge by mocking you. What a prat!

Agree he is being rude and defensive. Sadly, judging from quite a few posters on here, there's a lot of that going around.

If he has another go at you you could turn it on him a little. Say something like "I'm not MC/stuck up/whatever. I'm interested in a stuff. It's not my fault you're a boring wanker." But that's probably not judicious.

I despair of how anti-intellectual the UK seems to have become. I grew up working class in a town where the WEA was at the core of local culture. Nowadays no one seems to want to leave their living rooms.