Am I stuck up, or is colleague rude?

[Iltavilli]

I changed career last year, and am on a training programme for a challenging new role, which I take quite seriously.

The new job is in a highly regulated environment - which I’m used to - and o approach it as such. A colleague, also on the development programme, is far more informal. He’s happy to chat all day about tv, primarily programme I simply don’t watch (talent shows, love island, etc), given I’m more of a going to gigs and sports person, so we have little in common.

There was a meeting last week where I used a word he seemed not to understand. It’s wasn’t a complex word, but the most suited to the context. As he asked what it meant I explained. They then mocked me for using it. He’s a jokey person but this was mockery in front of others and felt mean.

I should note, he’s well educated (degree etc), but it isn’t the first time. He’s told me to “stop being so middle class” before - I’m not, parents grew up on council estates, dad a factory labourer till he retired.

So who is BU?

This reminds me of the time in a 'group discussion' many years ago about the Falklands when the others in the group ridiculed me for using the words 'military dictatorship'. Coz that's Long Words innit?

If your colleague is actually 14 like we were at the time (that dates me ) then I can forgive him. Otherwise he's an idiot.

He sounds like an idiot and somewhat threatened by you. I would not give him headspace, if it really bothers you tell him to wind his neck in. Yabu to be annoyed.

On the other note, I don't think it is snobby not to like reality TV shows, my dh doesn't. I will watch now and again but think shows like love island are vacuous whereas my mum loves it. Swings and roundabouts, I much prefer sports and listen to a lot of music, watch a lot of dramas etc.

The thing is with people who watch popular tv shows or have other popular interests is that quite a lot of them can get really pissy and tiresome if anyone says, however politely, that they are not into whatever the thing is. The PP who suggested you ask some sort of question to display a polite interest in whatever old shite the other person is talking about: fair enough if you're talking to a polite person, but be aware you might be in for a sustained rant about 'how can you NOT watch [shite] or care about [shite], do you think you're better than other people, it's brilliant, what's WRONG with you.' I wonder if this is the sort of thing OP is having to put up with.

Anyone who says 'stop being so middle class' is a twat. No-one can help their background and upbringing, it's not a crime to be middle class or educated. He is just revealing his insecurity, as are the posters on here calling you 'snobby'. Snobby because you don't watch Love Island? Really?

I hate when people make fun of others for using certain words. Key in that context is not unusual at all, what else would you call it? And if someone is working in an area where analysing data has come up then I'm really surprised they wouldn't already know it.

I don't blame you for not wanting to hear about drivel TV programmes all day. I too like sport. I just accept some people like other thing than I do and nod and smile.

I'm baffled that he doesn't understand your use of the work 'key' in this context. He's just a bit simple, I think.

This reminds me of the time in a 'group discussion' many years ago about the Falklands when the others in the group ridiculed me for using the words 'military dictatorship'. Coz that's Long Words innit?

Good grief

I think he is seeing your earnestness as stuck up. You obviously have very different communication styles; you don’t respect each other. It’s hard for us to tell whether either of you is justified, but in the interests of good working relationships it might be a good idea to sit down and work out how to get on better

You do sound stuck up OP and hard work but equally he may be a twit.

I'm a senior manager and I don't watch Love Island but two of my staff do and have their daily catch up - I joke about it with them and we have a laugh for 5 minutes - when the jungle is on we have a morning catch up.

You're at work a long time OP. Unclench. Yes you need to take work seriously but most people get a bit eye-rolly about someone who is 100% all time.

I think he almost certainly views the OP as earnest, but this is work, not a dinner party. You're supposed to be a teensy bit earnest about your work, I think.

A lot of people who have degrees are often not that clever, they can do exams. They also think they are better than others and like putting others down. I don’t watch Love Island etc, part of being an intelligent person is understanding people are different not belittling them

Also, it's not necessarily 'stuck up' to consider reality tv not just trivial and silly, but exploitative and harmful. Is it two or even more Love Island contestants who have had major mental health problems brought about by the programme? And many people who love and care about music loathe stuff like the X Factor because of its cynicism and (again) exploitation of vulnerable people.

Coffeetablejunk :
Laughing at me like I was some fuck-witted idiot that had just invented a word and she was calling me out on it! 'There's no such word! I've never heard that word before... EVER!!!'' in my home, at my table, eating food I'd made and scanning the faces of other family and other GF to see if they'd agree and laugh at me also! And so smug about it!

Was properly pissed off!

And she was proper rude, dear! Also at that same dinner, told me how much her boyfriend ate and how he farted .... I reminded her that I knew all about her boyfriend as he happened to be my son...

Then went on to send me a pdf of her MA thesis for me to proofread as she thought it would be 'nice for me' (she never asked) ... ... which I ignored...

Luckily, they didn't last but it was looking a bit dodgy for a while as they lasted two+ years.

adaline you sound a bit precious. The OP didn't criticise talent shows. They just explained that the colleague watches them whilst the OP likes sports. Just to explain that they don't have a lot in common.

Oh, also told us she had a loan with a service charge (not an APR) 7p for every £10 outstanding per day. Thought it wasn't a bad deal... on £1000 loan...

I'm a senior manager and I don't watch Love Island but two of my staff do and have their daily catch up - I joke about it with them and we have a laugh for 5 minutes - when the jungle is on we have a morning catch up.

And? I’d far rather work with the OP. No way am I twattering about reality TV on a regular basis, and I’ve watched LI in the past.

I’ve never worked in a professional environment where there has ever been reality TV discussion.

I wouldn't want to be thought of as a snob but I can't really imagine watching any of these shows, much less discussing it at work. Sorry.

I really don't get how you can watch for example, Breaking Bad or Handmaid's Tale and then watch Love Island. Television has become so excellent, I can't go back to garbage (which, to be fair, I really loved in my 20s).

@Rockmysocks
Gosh how rude, you purposely shamed a younger woman.

I’ve never worked in a professional environment where there has ever been reality TV discussion
There's a lot of chat everywhere I've worked. It's part and parcel of working somewhere people get on with each other. Some days it's their kids, others holidays, others box sets, others reality tv, others gym and fitness.

Even though it's not my cup of tea, I find people in the workplace who can't bring themselves to have a tiny bit of small talk or follow a conversation on something not to their interest for 5 mins to come across as a bit stuck up because they seem to have an air of 'I couldn't possibly trouble myself with reality TV...'

Public mocking NOT on. He was trying to belittle you to hide his ignorance. Sadly some people don't value education.

I'm surprised the people I work with who despite having a degree have poor grammar, little vocabulary and very few critical thinking skills.

Ghanagirl
What's age got to do with anything? If she was my age I'd have done the same thing. Didn't realise being 22 gives anyone license to mock their boyfriend's mother for using a standard English word that she didn't know or understand. She was purposefully trying to shame me!

She was tremendously rude, the whole visit. Trying to regale us with stories of how my son 'stunk the toilet out' while having dinner.

So, me rude too? I give a shiny shit.

@Rockmysocks
Epic drip feed to paint in a bad light.

ghanagirl
I am now properly shamed by you and curled up in foetal ball weeping inconsolably.

Happy Now?

“He felt threatened by you and has tried to make his ignorance your fault.”

This.

You were clearly using the word in a technical sense: he sounds under-prepared for the work.