Sister annoyed as new DD name too similar to her DD

[Cantfindaname123]

DN is 5. I barely see Dsis and DN as we live quite far away (think 4 hour drive), so we only really see each other at christmases, weddings and finerals. DN is named Isabella.

Our DD (2 months) is called Arabella. I was aware that it is quite similar but nobody owns a name, it isn't even the same name anyway, and we barely see each other.
When we announced name Dsis was quite upset, we 'stole her child's name' etc.

It has now been almost 3 months and Dsis is still not talking to me, she's got DM on her side, DM keeps telling me how much I've upset my sister, and couldn't I have picked a different name blah blah.

AIBU to say I can call DD what I like, it isn't even the same name, and she can get a grip?

A pic like this on the cover I should have said!!! ^

Nobody 'owns' a name, and its not even the same name! What is with this attitude! Drama llama! Jeezo!

Completely different names. Your sister is being massively U and your mother is being worse than U, given the background of favouritism.

Maybe, given that history, this is the ideal opportunity for you to back away from your mother and sister, somewhat - as far as you feel comfortable doing. They’re not now going to suddenly change and treat you properly. Also there’s a significant chance that the favouritism will extend to the cousins. That would not be great for Arabella to grow up with.

I would just leave your sister be. Consider it a bonus she’s not talking to you as she doesn’t sound like someone who enhances your life anyway. And if your mother keeps going on at you, give her a bit of space too. Why go along with it when they try to make you their emotional whipping boy? You have choices now that you didn’t as a child. And I’m sure both you and your DD deserve much better.

Maybe take a look at the Stately Homes threads, see if anything there resonates.

Yanbu, they are 2 different names. Total overreaction from your sister, not speaking to you.

I think it's more about the relationship between you and your sister than the name tbh.

My dh's cousin called her ds exactly the same name as our ds 7 years afterwards.

We simply thought 'that's quite sweet - good choice of name!' If anything, it's flattering.

We don't see them very often, and it is in no way an issue.

I think your name choice may be connected to your jealousy of your DSIS. The names are very similar and I wouldn't have called my DD Arabella if my DN was Isabella.
They may call DN Issy just now but she could easily decide to be called Bella as she gets older and then your DM would have two GDs called Bella which, when you consider how many other names there are, seems odd.

I would be annoyed, too. The names are so similar - embarrassing for your parents to say they have two granddaughters both with the same name.

I think your sister is being ridiculous, and your mother is destroying any relationship you have left with her and your sister by continuing to favour your sister and her wants over you. Your sister is also killing your relationship by taking advantage of being the favoured child, instead of being outraged that her own sister is being treated unfairly by someone who is supposed to love her.

I'm sorry your family sucks, OP. I would limit contact with them

Seems like I’m going against the grain here but I think yabu and look silly choosing such a similar name. Just because her dd is called Issy now doesn’t mean she wouldn’t be Bella when she got older. She’s not even at primary school yet! Perhaps your sister imagined her being able to choose Bella as a nickname when she was older and now feels like she won’t be able to because your DD will already be the Bella in the family. Why would you choose such a similar name when there are so many lovely girl’s names?

I think yabu to consider using Bella.

I think it is fine to use Arabella in full and Ari/Ara as a nickname.

I think planning to use Bella is too close and very unfair of you. Even though you say she uses Izzy this may not always be the case and Bella on its own is too close to Isabella.

If your dd grows up and uses Bella that is one thing but I think you should avoid it in this situation as it is too close to your nieces name and would be rude.

You can call YOUR baby whatever you want!!! Don't listen to anyone else it has nothing to do with them. If you like the name that's all that matters ☺️

@Purplecatshopaholic is right:
“Nobody ‘owns’ a name...”
Your sister needs to grow up, and your DM shouldn’t be contributing to the problem.

YANBU !

I agree with all the other posters that say it's a massive overreaction ! They are different names.

Perhaps "Isabel" and "Isabella" may have warranted a bit of annoyance - but I can't really see what the problem is.

I wouldn’t have picked such a similar name. I know no one owns a name yadda yadda...but I still wouldn’t have picked it.

Good job you're not in the Goodfellas mafia families, OP, or all the DSs would be variations of Petey and Pauley.

The names don't feel close to me, OP.

Rather than allowing your DM to think the path of least resistance is to take DSis' side, would you be willing to front up your DM and say, "The names are not the same or too close. You both have upset me. How dare you both tell me I chose the wrong name for my DD. Mention this again and there will be trouble".

When my niece was pregnant with her daughter, she wanted to call her Isabella, my daughter is ‘Bella’ shortened from a different name but literally always called Bella. Niece called me to check my daughter wasn’t an Isabella as they would choose a different name or use ‘Izzy’ for short. I laughed and said call her what she liked. Nobody owns names and I’d take it as a compliment that I have such great taste in names

It isn't a totally different name. Its 2 letters different out of 8, and 3 put of the 4 syllabus are the same. So I'm sorry but I think you're going to lose that argument.

Not saying you did anything wrong though and for me, how often you see them, what nickname they have and how close they're going to be would be more relevant. If she is izzy that obviously is going to be different to your child and even if it wasnt then 2 bellas 3x a year isn't going to kill anyone and the cousins might even think it's fun.

If you arent close and only see them infrequently surely it doesnt even really matter if she is ignoring you. Not speaking isn't going to achieve anything so if I was you I'd apologise (as they are similar so you probably should have guessed it may be an issue) then move on. They cant expect you to change it now surely

I’m gemma my sisters middle name is Claire.. we have a cousin called Emma Claire....

Totally different names-YANBU! Arabella is a lovely name

In my family I have 3 pairs of cousins with exactly the same name and 2 grandchildren with the same name. There are repeats across the generations too. It’s a combination of tradition and choice and no-one has batted an eyelid.

Different strokes for different folks I suppose, but your sister’s and mum’s reactions seem OTT and say more about their relationship with you and each other rather than anything to do with names.

If your sister wasn't being funny it would be quite sweet having cousins with matching names. In my family we would make a sort of joke of it and say they are name twins or something silly like that.

I wanted our twins to be Isabella and Arabella...

I have the exact (same spelling although others are available) as a first cousin. Never bothered us. Mind you, I’m one of 37 first cousins, so there are ‘numbers’ on our side.

In fact, when we meet, we compliment each other on having the best name!

I think its a somewhat childish overreaction that definitely reveals old hostility.
My ex sil went in a huff because my daughter was born on her birthday. She was full of jealousy and hated us.

It seems these days every second kid is called Isabella.

Your DSis is therefore the one being unreasonable!