struggling with other people's wealth

[confused8761]

Hello all, I would really appreciate some guidance and advice from you wise people.

I was raised below the poverty line by very working class parents. My dad is an immigrant. I was the first to go to Uni, I got straight A*s in everything etc, now work in finance in London. I'm 24.

Where I am struggling is I always told myself that I could have what anyone else has easily if I work hard enough. So I gave up my life for those grades etc. However, because of the social circles I now find myself in, I am still the poor one despite us all earning the same.

My job and education / profession means I will always earn well and continue to increase (provided something awful doesn't happen).
However, all my friend's are being given tens of thousands for house deposits, their weddings, etc. they don't have to struggle and they don't even need to save. Even those that are slightly more 'normal' have still got a good savings pot due to inheritance from a grandparent. All my extended family has died but there was nothing to inherit.

I suppose I feel so out of place in these circles. People don't realise my background and assume I come from wealth mostly because I speak quite well(???). They tend to talk about how they'd never send a child to private school and genuinely don't understand the working class and are quite snobby about it. I hate it.

I know the obvious would be 'then don't be friends with them' but I do get along with some of them but we just have such wildly different lives and expectations and it's hard when I work 60 hour weeks with the same people.

Do you have any advice on coping in these situations? I feel in a bubble because I am well aware of the reality of poverty and how much of the population lives yet everyone around me is so wealthy and I feel lost.

I come from fairly humble roots and was the first person in my family to go to university. I was sort of ashamed of my background to begin with but then realised I should be proud of it. I'm now in my 40s and make a point of mentioning my roots, hoping that it will make people in the OP's shoes feel more at ease.

Take a job overseas, and make a life, for a while, in a city where your social origins are less obvious. I went to NYC at 25, and the sense of power at creating your own world and circle, without friends and family, was invaluable. And I learned a lot. Oops, x-posting with itsagoodlife.

Thwe

Take a job overseas, and make a life, for a while, in a city where your social origins are less obvious. I went to NYC at 25, and the sense of power at creating your own world and circle, without friends and family, was invaluable. And I learned a lot.

I come from fairly humble roots and was the first person in my family to go to university. I was sort of ashamed of my background to begin with but then realised I should be proud of it. I'm now in my 40s And fairly senior, and make a point of mentioning my roots, hoping that it will make people in the OP's shoes feel more at ease.

Take a job overseas, and make a life, for a while, in a city where your social origins are less obvious. I went to NYC at 25, and the sense of power at creating your own world and circle, without friends and family, was invaluable. And I learned a lot. Oops, x-posting with itsa goodlife.

Take a job overseas, and make a life, for a while, in a city where your social origins are less obvious. I went to NYC at 25, and the sense of power at creating your own world and circle, without friends and family, was invaluable. And I learned a lot.

Take a job overseas, and make a life, for a while, in a city where your social origins are less obvious. I went to NYC at 25, and the sense of power at creating your own world and circle, without friends and family, was invaluable. And I learned a lot.

Take a job overseas, and make a life, for a while, in a city where your social origins are less obvious. I went to NYC at 25, and the sense of power at creating your own world and circle, without friends and family, was invaluable. And I learned a lot.

Many apologies for the multi-post; nothing seemed to happen. Not being emphatic!

Sounds like plain envy to me. Few people care about colleagues' social background. Especially, if it is not immediately obvious, why would anyone care what your Dad does for a living.

I am in a very similar position and it gets me as well. It is annoying how much money people have. My friends at home think I am earning loads but I think ambitious people are always looking up and not down.

It is not even money coming easy to others that gets me. It also annoys me how much senior people at my office are on.

Young people are impatient, we have time to make money but we want everything NOW and when we get it, we will want the next thing.

I don't think there is a solution to it. It's easy to say be grateful for what you have but I have a competitive urge than means I don't think I will.

I worked for 3 years for a promotion and remember thinking it pays so well that when I get there, I will coast for a couple of years. After three months in the new role, I quit for a more lucrative opportunity. Expectations are always revised upwards, that is the problem.

The biggest myth is “if you just work hard enough you can get what you want”

People who say that need to check their privilege.

Enjoy your life, do what works for you and you’ll be fine. It’s hard not to envy others who seem better off, but you don’t generally know everyone’s full story. Better just to be happy with what you have.

Few people care about colleagues' social background

Well quite. The OP's colleagues have shown they have no care whatsoever for other people's social backgrounds because they just assume they are all in the same bubble as they all earn the same salary.

"They tend to talk about how they'd never [not] send a child to private school and genuinely don't understand the working class and are quite snobby about it"

"Run like someone left the gate open!" - x

My one tip - be as frugal as possible now. Don't rent somewhere expensive, and don't get taxis everywhere. Try not to buy expensive coffees all the time (50p filter at Pret if you bring your own cup). Try not to spend tons of money on eating out in the evenings.

It'll make all the difference in saving for the house deposit. Also make sure you don't over stretch on mortgage.

Wealthy people can make mistakes like the above, and it's fine. When you're not wealthy, you don't have as many opportunities to overspend before it hits your lifestyle.

Having come from divorced parents in a very wealthy part of the country, I also had friends that were given cars and m9netary gifts as normal. I had to work for mine.
The adage: anything worth having is worth working for is true, on so many levels. Those given things did not respect the effort or wealth they were given and became ‘entitled’.
If you are friends with and are comfortable with the people, don’t let wealth be a hurdle. Have you thought of changing your job, using your qualifications for a different career path?

I wish you luck and love, neither of which can be bought!

I completely get it. It’s hard.

They have the easy confidence that comes from never having struggled with cold, damp, hunger, anxiety and continuous deprivation. They always had savings which were never touched but allowed to grow as items required (such as clothes, holidays, activities, cars, deposits) were gifted, together with the assurance that any other needs would be met too. They dont see their own privilege though.

Actually, there was a woman on Radio 4 this morning talking about exactly the same thing. She came from Hull and went to Uni and found it such a culture shock that none of the other students needed to work.

Xingming It would have been funny if you'd done the next one in caps

It would not be unreasonable either if OP resents some of the privilege her colleagues have because she remembers people she knew growing up who were as clever/hardworking as she is, but less lucky.
One of the huge problems with the massive inequality we have these days is the number of smart, creative, initially-enthusiastic young people who end up in shitty jobs because they can't cope with the months and years of unpaid labour that is generally expected of anyone who wants a good 'professional' job these days, and they don't have the wealthy, well-connected parents who can find them an entry into a sought-after profession.
So you've got more and more middle-class/upper class graduates getting all the jobs with not just good salaries but considerable power, all being able to tell each other that the poor are poor because they are thick and lazy and lack aspiration, when it's much more the case that the barriers which prevent them getting better jobs are just too high in almost all cases.

Although for some careers if your exam results are high enough and you apply in time and are good then there is no unpaid labour - eg law you get paid for your 2 weeks of university holiday work experience - vacation scheme - at law firms about £400 a week and once you have passed all the exams (which for your post grad the law firms pay the fees plus an allowance you can live on) you are paid about £40k for each of your training years.

Doctors similarly do not need to work for years unpaid to get into that profession either.

My parents are separated but both extremely well off, I live on a council estate in South London, not so well off but surrounded by people I would rather be surrounded by than the Middle class ivory tower folks of the market towns my parents live in. My dad is always depressed and buying stuff to cover it...My mum is all about perception but has little else. My uncle and auntie are millionaires...and miserable together. My other uncle was a successful businessman and killed himself a few years ago. The point I'm trying to get at is that people who emphasise money/status/class as the definition of their lives are empty and ultimately will find that out in the long run. Money doesn't solve anything and status comes and goes. The richest happiest people I have ever known are those who place emphasis on family.