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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help the miserable bastards any more

196 replies

ohnonotagainagain · 10/06/2019 10:48

Long story short: sold house, needed to get retrospective planning permission for garage, council taking long time to decide, new owners want to get a lawyer onto us and are being very rude to us, I want to withdraw application and tell them to do it themselves.

All the details so as not to drip feed ... Sold our house to a very friendly couple who seemed like decent folk. Didn't realise at the time that we should have applied for planning permission for a garage conversion we'd done the year previous (new law brought in in our country, not the UK FWIW). We said they could pull out of the sale if they wanted (this was early days before any money had exchanged hands, surveys been done or mortgages applied for) or otherwise we'd help them apply for retrospective planning permission.

DH has been working on planning permission since then. Each time we submit, the council has a month to consider then come back with a yes/no or a request for further information. Twice they've asked for further information. Second time we took a while to get back to them (4 weeks) as I gave birth on the same day we received the demand, and between a single day paternity leave and a ft job, DH was a bit busy and it slipped his mind. So that bit I can see would be annoying for the new owners.

So additional evidence was eventually submitted and as of today we're coming to the end of another month-long waiting period, and told them at the beginning of last week that we'd know by this Tuesday (11th) if we'd been successful. They, however, took it upon themselves to call the council on Friday and were told that the application had been shelved indefinitely - in fact, looking at the time frames involved, the council must have given them the results of another application we made at our new house, which has been shelved; they don't have the right to ditch this current application at this point.

So, thinking that their application had been refused, they called their notary who in turn called me and said they were going to get a lawyer on us because we've been hiding stuff from them.

We responded with an email with the full paper trail of the application and asked them to please be patient until the office reopened on Tuesday so I could go ask.

They replied telling us that we were immature, unreliable and frankly our personal circumstances (ie having a baby) are of no interest to them, they just want the planning permission granted.

I've a feeling that permission will be granted this time so WIBU to go to the council and withdraw the application, and tell the new owners to do it themselves, as we've no legal obligation to help them and they are being bloody awful? DH thinks we should just see it through so we can get them off our backs.

OP posts:
LittleRedMushroom · 10/06/2019 10:51

You know the answer....

jollyohh · 10/06/2019 10:54

Depends on whether or not you want to sell I suppose

Zoeputthatdown · 10/06/2019 10:57

DH thinks we should just see it through so we can get them off our backs

I'm afraid I'm going to go with what your DH said.

Original poster
ohnonotagainagain · 10/06/2019 10:58

It's sold. They bought the house without planning permission, and a gentleman's agreement that we would help them

OP posts:
Tempnc12 · 10/06/2019 11:01

Sounds sold sudject to planning. They can and should pull out.

Fleetheart · 10/06/2019 11:03

I would just see it through and that will be that. Annoying though it is.

BowiesJumper · 10/06/2019 11:03

Of course you should see it through. 4 weeks is a long time to "forget" something fairly important, so I can see how that would be annoying for them.

Original poster
ohnonotagainagain · 10/06/2019 11:04

Nope it's absolutely sold, paid for and they are living there. It's not the UK so processes may be different.

OP posts:
Original poster
ohnonotagainagain · 10/06/2019 11:07

"4 weeks is a long time to "forget" something fairly important, so I can see how that would be annoying for them"

True enough, but is it also long enough to start throwing personal insults and threats?

OP posts:
purplecatt · 10/06/2019 11:08

Do they have a leg to stand on legally?

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 10/06/2019 11:11

If there's no legal requirement for you to do it, leave them to it.

KarmaStar · 10/06/2019 11:12

Hi op,you have sent them all the information of your work,then getting lawyers involved is just ridiculous,it will cost them a lot and get them nothing.
Perhaps you could try speaking to them in person?it's easy to lose the personal side of things when dealing via email.
Possibly approach with(if you wanted to)some flowers and apologise for the delay.
That may help them realise you are doing all you can at this moment in time.
Good luck,and congratulations on your baby.Flowers

TheSandman · 10/06/2019 11:14

See it through. Then tell them to go fuck themselves.

OddHoleySocks · 10/06/2019 11:15

I guess it depends on whether or not you want to go through a whole legal process as they sound like they would not be shy in taking you to court over it.

longwayoff · 10/06/2019 11:16

You are kidding? You've sold it, they're living there and you're doing all the admin. Two words for them beginning and ending with F.

Antigon · 10/06/2019 11:19

I would be so tempted to tell them to fuck off, but can they sue you in some way?

Why did you agree to help them in the first place?

Celebelly · 10/06/2019 11:20

Screw them. Their solicitors should have done their proper due diligence before the sale.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 10/06/2019 11:20

If you help them, they will go away (assuming planning permission is granted). If you don't, they will be a millstone round your necks for the foreseeable future.
I can see how it grates, but I'd think of the pleasure of never having to speak to them again and see it through to the end.

Eliza9919 · 10/06/2019 11:24

I'd withdraw it. Tell them their their personal interests in the PP are of no interest to you. Fuck them.

Antonin · 10/06/2019 11:24

OP, given the circumstances I’d feel tempted, as you are, to withdraw the application, HOWEVER I wouldn’t do it!
At this point it’s a bit like throwing your rattle out the pram and could lead to your aggravating the situation. Guess your purchasers are as sick of the situation as you are and maybe worried that if the planning approval is not forthcoming they’ll have to tear the building down.
The process is near completion so just sit on your hands and go with the flow. Once you’ve got the approval you can send them an email telling them how unreasonable you think they’ve been

Drum2018 · 10/06/2019 11:26

See what tomorrow brings. Don't engage with them further until you have a response from council tomorrow. You have helped with the planning, as agreed. You couldn't have given them a legal guarantee that the planning would be granted retrospectively so if it's not granted tomorrow, wash your hands of it. You did what you agreed - helped with the application. It's up to them to chase it after that, fuck them.

TixieLix · 10/06/2019 11:27

The temptation would be to respond, giving them a choice to either wind their necks and wait until tomorrow for the council decision, or they can carry on throwing insults and you will contact the council to cancel the application so they can begin again from scratch. In reality though your DH's response is probably the best - carry on and get them off your backs asap.

MadSweeney · 10/06/2019 11:27

They replied telling us that we were immature, unreliable and frankly our personal circumstances (ie having a baby) are of no interest to them

That would be me out. I'd reply telling them that you're immaturity prevents you from assisting them any further.

cheeseypuff · 10/06/2019 11:28

Tempting as it is to tell them to take a running jump, it depends how badly you want to get the selling process over & done with. I'd go with your husband's suggestion & just get it done.

PCohle · 10/06/2019 11:28

Just because you're not legally obliged to help doesn't mean going back on your word isn't a shitty thing to do. Presumably they thought you were "decent folk" too and that's why they were happy to go through with the sale. A month is a really long time to do nothing about this - even with a new baby.

I really don't think throwing your toys out of the pram is a particularly good way to prove that you are in fact mature and reliable.