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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not help the miserable bastards any more

196 replies

ohnonotagainagain · 10/06/2019 10:48

Long story short: sold house, needed to get retrospective planning permission for garage, council taking long time to decide, new owners want to get a lawyer onto us and are being very rude to us, I want to withdraw application and tell them to do it themselves.

All the details so as not to drip feed ... Sold our house to a very friendly couple who seemed like decent folk. Didn't realise at the time that we should have applied for planning permission for a garage conversion we'd done the year previous (new law brought in in our country, not the UK FWIW). We said they could pull out of the sale if they wanted (this was early days before any money had exchanged hands, surveys been done or mortgages applied for) or otherwise we'd help them apply for retrospective planning permission.

DH has been working on planning permission since then. Each time we submit, the council has a month to consider then come back with a yes/no or a request for further information. Twice they've asked for further information. Second time we took a while to get back to them (4 weeks) as I gave birth on the same day we received the demand, and between a single day paternity leave and a ft job, DH was a bit busy and it slipped his mind. So that bit I can see would be annoying for the new owners.

So additional evidence was eventually submitted and as of today we're coming to the end of another month-long waiting period, and told them at the beginning of last week that we'd know by this Tuesday (11th) if we'd been successful. They, however, took it upon themselves to call the council on Friday and were told that the application had been shelved indefinitely - in fact, looking at the time frames involved, the council must have given them the results of another application we made at our new house, which has been shelved; they don't have the right to ditch this current application at this point.

So, thinking that their application had been refused, they called their notary who in turn called me and said they were going to get a lawyer on us because we've been hiding stuff from them.

We responded with an email with the full paper trail of the application and asked them to please be patient until the office reopened on Tuesday so I could go ask.

They replied telling us that we were immature, unreliable and frankly our personal circumstances (ie having a baby) are of no interest to them, they just want the planning permission granted.

I've a feeling that permission will be granted this time so WIBU to go to the council and withdraw the application, and tell the new owners to do it themselves, as we've no legal obligation to help them and they are being bloody awful? DH thinks we should just see it through so we can get them off our backs.

OP posts:
TheFaerieQueene · 10/06/2019 11:29

Caveat emptor

BarrenFieldofFucks · 10/06/2019 11:29

If it required a lot more work on your part I'd be tempted to say fuck it, but as it doesn't...I'd see it through and then tell them what you think of them.

isme10 · 10/06/2019 11:33

Stick with it if you are confident the permission is going to be granted this time round. Dignity at all times dignity is my motto. It is no good getting full of high dudgeon at this stage....leave that to them. Keep the moral high ground and smile sweetly knowing you are the better person. I understand your feelings but agree with your DH if it gets the deal done there is no point in rocking the boat at this stage. I think you probably know that too however tempting it is to tell them where to go but that is what this place is good for. Venting always helps.

AdobeWanKenobi · 10/06/2019 11:35

it depends how badly you want to get the selling process over & done with

As OP has pointed out many times now, the house is already sold.

Original poster
ohnonotagainagain · 10/06/2019 11:36

I really don't think throwing your toys out of the pram is a particularly good way to prove that you are in fact mature and reliable

I don't feel the need to prove anything, especially in the face of their behaviour.

I know I should just see it through. I don't think they have a leg to stand on, legally speaking, but he seems the type of person who would go out of his way to find more issues, just to have the last word, but I don't think people who treat other people like shit deserve to be helped

OP posts:
NunoGoncalves · 10/06/2019 11:42

he seems the type of person who would go out of his way to find more issues, just to have the last word

I would just do whatever is easiest for myself. No point rising to their insults just to end up creating more issues and drama for yourself. That would be cutting off your nose to spite your face. You may not like them, but if it's simple to get it done I would just do it and move on with my life.

SoupDragon · 10/06/2019 11:51

They replied telling us that we were immature, unreliable and frankly our personal circumstances (ie having a baby) are of no interest to them

Whereas behaving like a twat and hurling insults about is the epitome of maturity 😂

SoupDragon · 10/06/2019 11:52

Given it's done anyway, I'd be tempted to let it run its course but not tell them the result. Assuming there will be no fall out.

Jaxhog · 10/06/2019 11:54

They replied telling us that we were immature, unreliable and frankly our personal circumstances (ie having a baby) are of no interest to them

Outrageous. Unless you are legally obliged to get planning permission as a condition of the sale, I would sign over the planning application to them, send them all the paperwork and wash my hands of it.

Xmas2020 · 10/06/2019 11:55

They bought a house off you and to them and us you seem to be taking the piss forgetting to hand a vital document in. I would be annoyed.

FinnBalorsAbs · 10/06/2019 12:02

I'd wait until tomorrow. You've waited this long so one more day to see it through isn't much. Then, if it is approved then smugly send them the info over and point out if they'd waited as you'd suggested they'd not have had any of this stress. If it isn't approved, say firmly that you've done everything you can and think it's best to let them get on with it now.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 10/06/2019 12:02

Nah, to the majority of people they seem to be arses. 🤷 OP just seems human and perfectly reasonable.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 10/06/2019 12:04

This 100 pc depends on if you have any legal obligation to them. If you are confident you don’t, well fuck em. Sound like a pair of arseholes, so why on earth would you want to help them?

FizzyGreenWater · 10/06/2019 12:05

I would just do whatever is easiest for myself.

So would I.

However, if what I felt I could live with most easily would be to tell them to GO FUCK THEMSELVES then that is what I would be doing.

Fraid this is definitely in that category. I'd be FUMING that people I was trying to help were treating me as if I was some sort of fucking servant put here to do their bidding!!!

Yes I'd tell them where to go and fuck anything else, I'd sleep better at night knowing I told some cheeky feckers to go fucking spin!!!

'Dear Bastards,

We are utterly shocked at your verbal abuse of us yesterday, in the wake of our informing you that you would have to wait a short time for the answers to your questions as the office in question was closed.

We would remind you that the entirety of the effort we have spent on making this application and dealing with repeated requests for additional information from the council has been done out of goodwill. We have not been legally obliged to do any of this.

It would seem that such goodwill in return is entirely absent. As your rudeness has now escalated into what we would consider to be verbal abuse, we are no longer willing to intereact with you. Your behaviour is utterly unacceptable and we no longer feel obliged to continue with the application process under the circumstances.

We have withdrawn the application and you will now have to start the process yourselves.

Any further communication from you will be considered harrassment and will be dealt with by our solicitor - we will not be even reading such communications, so please do not bother to respond with any further personal attacks.

Yours,

OP.

saraclara · 10/06/2019 12:06

Didn't realise at the time that we should have applied for planning permission for a garage conversion

This was your error and you need to put it right. If I'd just bought a house on the basis that this would be sorted with no problems, I'd be really worried if months were going by with no resolution. Especially if I'd tried to move things along and (mistakenly as it turned out) been told it had been shelved. I'd be worried sick that I'd have to find the cost of returning the garage to its former state.

So ignore their rant, get it sorted, then forget it.

SoupDragon · 10/06/2019 12:06

They bought a house off you and to them and us you seem to be taking the piss forgetting to hand a vital document in.

No, to me it seems like they were doing the buyers a favour. They sold the house with no planning permission for the garage. They were under no obligation to do anything but did so as a nice gesture.

saraclara · 10/06/2019 12:07

I'd be FUMING that people I was trying to help were treating me as if I was some sort of fucking servant put here to do their bidding!!!

The OP isn't "trying to help" they're honouring a commitment they made when the sold the house.

FizzyGreenWater · 10/06/2019 12:08

Oh and the ONLY thing OP has done wrong is to forget to follow up something she's doing as a favour because she had a bloody baby!!!!

Yes normal people would be impatient perhaps (and really, are they actually being held up in life by waiting for this planning permission to come through?!) but also would understand, be pleased that once they nudged you got onto it and REMEMBER that actually you don't have to go through all this hassle of finding docs and sending them off etc - which is actually a big fucking hassle.

No, no way would I be helping them now.

FizzyGreenWater · 10/06/2019 12:11

It's basically a goodwill agreement.

If it were made a legal condition etc then fair enough (even then, no need for their verbal abuse)

So goodwill. It either goes both ways or it stops. That's the way I see it. OP DOESN'T HAVE TO DO THIS. She's been doing it out of goodwill.

If the other side don't even have enough goodwill to say 'Ok fine we understand, please could we hurry it along now' without speaking to OP like she's the shit on their shoes... then I'd say any 'goodwill' is way out of the window.

ohdearmymistake · 10/06/2019 12:12

I would get the planning permission then not tell them for a long time. It would go with an email telling what I thought of them.

Yabbers · 10/06/2019 12:16

I like FizzyGreenWater’s letter. Except, I wouldn’t withdraw the application. I’d put in that we could, if we wished, and leave it up to them to sort out.

Pulling out would just lead to more grief, so I do agree with your DH, but I would certainly let them know you won’t take any more crap from them.

NeatFreakMama · 10/06/2019 12:20

I think their behaviour has been fine, you’ve made a verbal agreement to help them and you’ve been slow to do it and then they were told it was shelved (although wrongly). You should see it through as you said you would and try to speed it up.

notlikelybyhalf · 10/06/2019 12:21

They’re dicks

BarrenFieldofFucks · 10/06/2019 12:22

You think it is fine to be as rudeConfused as they have been?

Antigon · 10/06/2019 12:25

It was a gentleman's agreement so it's non-binding and relies on the parties to act with honour.

They have shown precious little honour but as usual their ilk are defending them on MN because birds of a feather etc