Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 34 35 36 37 38 39

Original poster

To ask why you didn't/don't want children?

959 replies

alfie22 · 09/06/2019 23:42

I'm in no way judging anybody who have decided not to have DCs.

But I am genuinely intrigued for the reasons why after reading a thread about somebody's DD not wanting children.

What are your reasons for not having children? Would there any be "what ifs" further down the line?

OP posts:

IvanaPee · 13/06/2019 13:59

Who? Me?! I have dc. Nothing for me to be wound up about. 🤷🏻‍♀️

MarshaBradyo · 13/06/2019 14:01

You sound it

I’m not affronted I think some posts did not match the experience but if people want to go round in a child hating bubble I couldn’t care less

MarshaBradyo · 13/06/2019 14:05

Anyway peace out

I don’t think anything bad of anyone and have said I understand. I’ve come from a place of good will really.

I’ve just posted where it didn’t quite chime but obviously no one should change their minds (saying it again jic)

mydogisthebest · 13/06/2019 14:50

Not everyone who choses not to have children doesn't like them. I do like them as does my DH. We played a very active role in our nieces and nephews lives having them stay for weekends and even taking them on holiday.

If you like children but choose, for whatever reasons, not to have them how is that selfish? Even if you don't like children I don't see that its selfish not to have them. Surely its best not to have any if you don't actually like them?

BossAssBitch · 13/06/2019 15:02

babblepook

*@bossassbitch You sound quite the angry person There’s nothing wrong with loving your children

What part of my post appeared ‘angry’? I couldn’t be happier And where did I say it was wrong to love your children?

Batshit !

LaMarschallin · 13/06/2019 15:10

Not everyone who chooses to have children does generally like children.

I'm not keen on the majority of children I encounter. That may be partly because those children have parents who have different mores from me.

For example, one of my pet hates is talking to someone who continually replies along the lines of, "Oh, a new job. When does it sta.... What, darling! You found a lovely stone? Aren't you clever!" because their child is always interrupting.
So mine knew that, unless it was urgent or they hurt, they'd have to wait for a few minutes.

I don't really like handling other people's babies and, while of course I did it on an occasion when I had to, nearly threw up on my nephew when I changed his nappy.

I'm glad I've had my children because some of the comments on this thread by other parents would have really put me off the idea.

MarshaBradyo · 13/06/2019 15:13

Why would comments from other parents put you off?

Unless they’re the ones saying they loathe and regret it

TheTitOfTheIceberg · 13/06/2019 15:13

Never wanted them, never felt broody. Can happily live without their company. Find them exhausting, both physically and mentally. I'm too lazy to do all the shitwork, too poor to give them a decent life without the expenditure of far more mental energy and worry and angst and financial juggling than I feel capable of. Too many health conditions / disabilities (both me and DH) to risk passing on. More than happy for other people to take up the child-rearing baton, more than happy for my taxes to help pay for schools and child tax credit because that's what a civilised society should do. I don't judge anyone negatively for choosing to have children, I'm delighted for my friends when they do, via whatever means (just don't ask me to babysit ) so please extend the same courtesy to me for choosing not to.

LaMarschallin · 13/06/2019 15:21

Unless they’re the ones saying they loathe and regret it

No. I feel very sorry if anybody feels like that.
It's the ones that sound a bit smug, have never known love like it etc
Really didn't want to turn into that sort of person. I'm also glad that I had them before some of my friends and family because seeing how they couldn't seem to leave the house before noon (then with a ton of stuff), ran their lives round the offspring (and expected others to), became actually quite boring.... I'd probably have thought it always had to be like that.

If I hadn't had children I'm sure I'd have been just as happy in a different way.

That's just my opinion, but you did ask.

MarshaBradyo · 13/06/2019 15:30

I did and I found it interesting, I’m pro people talking about how they feel

I don’t think it’s all drudge and think you can do other stuff, loads of other stuff - evidenced in the amount of topics on this site

But I’m not at all offended by lack of interest from others I don’t know

poopypants · 13/06/2019 16:45

TheTitOfTheIceberg well I'm glad you aren't resentful paying taxes for schools. After all, all the young people will be paying taxes to keep you in good health in your old age.

UpsyDaaaisy · 13/06/2019 18:30

I was always taught that someones choice to have or not have children was incredibly personal and actually quite rude to ask someone why they don't want/ haven't got any children. I thought that was common courtesy that most people knew about and practiced so I am actually gobsmacked by the amount of people persistently questioning/judging/being rude others on this thread who don't have kids!

I have alot of friends and family who don't have children or only had the one and while the thought may have briefly crossed my mind I've never spent any significant amount of time thinking about it or being offended by their reasoning and I have a child of my own.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 13/06/2019 18:34

After all, all the young people will be paying taxes to keep you in good health in your old age.

Just as my taxes now are being used to educate your kids?

MarshaBradyo · 13/06/2019 18:36

Gobsmacked? I don’t think there has been rudeness from parents

MummaD209 · 13/06/2019 18:37

Why would people be on here if they aren't parents??

Sarcelle · 13/06/2019 18:38

I saw children as a trap, and that your life became subsumed into others. I saw it as a curtailment of freedom and opportunity. I don't regret the decision.

SeasideSoul · 13/06/2019 18:41

Why would people be on here if they aren't parents??

What an original thought! You are literally the first person ever to ask that. Aren't you clever!

IvanaPee · 13/06/2019 18:44

Why would people be on here if they aren't parents??

Please tell me you’re sharing that one of a kind brain of yours with the world! Game-changer.

Sakura7 · 13/06/2019 18:45

well I'm glad you aren't resentful paying taxes for schools. After all, all the young people will be paying taxes to keep you in good health in your old age.

This is quite a barbed post, and doesn't seem particularly well thought out.

The childfree people cost the state a lot less than those who have children. We pay our taxes but take out very little in comparison to parents and their children. We pay for you to be kept in good health during pregnancy and birth, for your children to go to school, for child benefit, etc. While working we are paying to support the older generation, regardless of whether they are parents. It's not only childfree people who will get old and require care you know.

Not to mention the fact that the planet is already overpopulated. So don't make out like you're doing us all a favour.

CrumbsCrumbsEverywhere · 13/06/2019 18:45

Enough people have kids, I decided to devote spare time to kids in care, I don't want to procreate. I also am not convinced I would be cut out for parenting although I love helping disadvantaged kids, I am not with them 24/7. I did not have a happy upbringing because of my Dad and I have a lot of his traits.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 13/06/2019 18:46

Why would people be on here if they aren't parents?

OMG fellow childless people we didn't realise this was Mumsnet, you know for mums.

Or it could be that the site has grown and evolved over the years and although the name has remained a wide variety of people use the site....some of those may even be male 😱

MarshaBradyo · 13/06/2019 18:46

Crumbs that sounds like a nice / good thing to do

Sakura7 · 13/06/2019 18:50

Gobsmacked? I don’t think there has been rudeness from parents

You can't be serious?

MarshaBradyo · 13/06/2019 18:51

Yep Not from me what I said wasn’t rude

MarshaBradyo · 13/06/2019 18:52

Although there has been some strong comments back

But hey ho I’ve tried to create less division

Flip

1 2 ··· 34 35 36 37 38 39