To ask why you didn't/don't want children?

[alfie22]

I'm in no way judging anybody who have decided not to have DCs.

But I am genuinely intrigued for the reasons why after reading a thread about somebody's DD not wanting children.

What are your reasons for not having children? Would there any be "what ifs" further down the line?

Adults: I hate children. They are annoying and boring and taking up space on an overcrowded planet.
Children: My aunt and uncle are boring.
Adults: (gasp) Your children are rude!

@RiversDisguise has expressed what I mean far better than I have. It seems acceptable to make blanket statements about children e.g. they're annoying, and express dislike for them. Surely not every child on the planet is annoying?

My children have never been rude to their relatives, they've only expressed their boredom privately to DH and I. But, it's not surprising when DD says that "Uncle Jack never speaks directly to me. He talks about his investments and drinks a lot!"

Respect is a two-way street.

@Cautionsharpblade

I'm sure they adore you as I expect you realise that you're not superior to them and don't go around saying that "children are annoying."

I didn't know if I wanted kids then ds was a "surprise" ...always wanted a boy. Haven't been preggo since. Kids are hard work especially when they have sen not that I don't love him, cos I do, I just don't want 2 "upset the apple cart". Plus horrendous pnd. Don't want to repeat that. Plus fat. Don't want to be fatter lol.

angel, now you really are selling it for us

'Ah well, my SIL and BIL did think of themselves as the cool auntie and uncle, and are a bit shocked to find themselves rejected!''

Doesn't sounds like it's been expressed 'privately' though....

Why are they 'shocked' if they don't actually know.

@AmICrazyorWhat2

Finding a screaming, wailing toddler running down a supermarket aisle annoying is not rude, it's reactive.

You telling your family members that your DC find them boring is rude. (You said they were shocked when you told them, so it's not been kept privately between you and your DC).

@RiversDisguise makes a false comparison there.

Nope. Someone said "your kids sound rude." I don't see why the kids are rude for having an opinion. Many on this thread have expressed far worse opinions of kids.

It's not rude to have an opinion. To each their own.

@Sofasurfingsally

I have to agree with that. Saying you don't want children is fine but saying you hate them is a bit harsh.

I guess it's like saying you hate pensioners or women or men or other groups within society which isn't a very nice thing to say at all.

Also seems ignorant to box all children into one as it would be to say 'all men' etc etc

I don't see why the kids are rude for having an opinion.

They're not rude for having an opinion, the rudeness comes from sharing the opinion with those whom it's about, in this case the BIL and SIL. No one on this thread who has expressed opinions about children, has to my knowledge, actually shared their opinions with actual children.

Ironically, my DC (14 & 11) now tell me they don't want to visit their childfree aunts and uncles as they find them boring and annoying.

Really? The childfree aunts and uncles specifically are boring and annoying, but adults in their lives who have children are not? How did you react to this little nugget? Most people would pull them up on it. You were probably delighted it gave you a reason to feel superior.

Ah well, my SIL and BIL did think of themselves as the cool auntie and uncle, and are a bit shocked to find themselves rejected!

How charming. Just be careful, your smugness is showing.

The close knit family dynamic has also changed as there are no cousins. It's a bit sad really, my DC have literally no cousins at all.

Yes because your children have a right to cousins, regardless of whether your/DH's siblings want to carry them and raise them. I barely knew any of my cousins growing up as we lived far away from them, I don't think it's that unusual.

You have a really unpleasant attitude towards your childfree family members, why is that?

The possible 'Cousin Bearer's' haven't performed sadly have they. So 'sad' for your poor DC.

I didn't have children because I didn't want to possibly pass on my mental health issues, which are rife thru my family. I would have hated a child of mine experiencing a mind like mine.

That's just personal. Ive nothing against parents with MH issues having children, I hope that goes without saying.

My children, now adults, still adore their child free uncles and aunts. And even if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be rude enough to say so. What with having manners an’ all.

Why are people so offended that some of us hate children?

I hate cats and I'm sure the cat lovers of the world would be relieved in light of my strength of feeling, that I wouldn't get one as a pet.

I love dogs but understand that others really do hate them. That's fine, and no way would I ever try to persuade someone like that to get one as a pet.

Yet with children, we are told we'll change our minds etc etc etc. Bit of a risk there!

I too feel this thread must have touched a nerve with many parents to get such a response.

@OliviaBenson - I'm not a parent but do think hate is a bit unecessary.

Hating dogs or cats not really the same thing IMO

I'm not offended just think it's harsh. What would you think if a man said I hate all women for example?

“Why are people so offended that some of us hate children? ”

I’m not offended. I just think it’s a stupid thing to say.

Yes, I’d never tell someone who professed not to like dogs “oh but it’s different when you have your own”.

And they all think they're the first person to say it. Like it's some great original thought.

Zzzz..

More to be pitied than scorned

I am just going with 'twerps' now. I can just about accept that someone might not be capable of realising how much on the MN boards has nothing to do with parenting but that they can't manage to RTFT just in case somebody else might have asked and answered that question multiple times already...

@OliviaBenson I was more wondering why the childfree are getting all the blame for the child hate when a lot of parents (all over this thread, mumsnet, the internet and real life) often say they hate children/don’t like children/children are annoying/they only like their own/their friends children are awful/their niece is a little brat etc etc
and that’s fine 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t hate children, I don’t have any strength of feeling towards them except sometimes annoyance when they’re being really naughty, but really when I think about it that’s directed more at the parents. Like the little boy who knocked an old lady down in a shop while on a scooter and the parents were laughing and checking HE was ok..... how does the child know better if the parents don’t tell him? The child screaming and running and kicking and throwing a huge football around a shop.... again the parents ignored him and carried on chatting about three aisles behind him, it is annoying but really it isn’t the child, he wasn’t old enough to think about the consequences of his actions and he needed an adult to tell him.

Not offended and no nerve touched

It does sounds silly and reductive

The anger is not from parents I’m more bemused by the strong dislike, it doesn’t effect me

Slightly off topic but I'm amused by the fact that someone who hates children is named after the fictional character who most wanted children out of every character ever devised!

Why are all the parents making a point of deliberately saying they love their children when they post?

Isn't that a given? Does anyone think parents don't love their own offspring?

Someone said "your kids sound rude." I don't see why the kids are rude for having an opinion

It's very rude to tell relatives you don't want to spend time with them because you find them boring. And rude and I'll mannered of parents to enable that.

A PP mentioned that parents are allowed to say they find their kids annoying, hard work, their days are mundane and restricted. And they're met with sympathy and similar stories.

If a childfree person says those are the reasons they chose not to have DC, they're lambasted for 'hating children.'

Just because I choose not to have kids doesn't mean I judge you for having them.

It's like me telling a friend they're 'missing out' on riding a motorbike (my favourite hobby, full of joy and fun) when they dislike speed, danger and open roads.

Clearly, they're not missing out. They are simply choosing not to do something they know they won't enjoy.

Shock: People are all different.

Posters have said they hate children - it doesn’t need quote marks

It is fine though there are enough things to do where it’s split, restaurants, clubs, holidays it doesn’t have to effect me or you

I thought people would like some children, their friends’ for example, but if not it’s their life

@Leighhalfpennysthigh I'm stunned reading your latest post! You've had a complete turnaround of feelings!