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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why you didn't/don't want children?

959 replies

alfie22 · 09/06/2019 23:42

I'm in no way judging anybody who have decided not to have DCs.

But I am genuinely intrigued for the reasons why after reading a thread about somebody's DD not wanting children.

What are your reasons for not having children? Would there any be "what ifs" further down the line?

OP posts:
AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/06/2019 20:08

I think parents are interested to find out why childfree adults made their decisions. Personally, I think it's a bit meh to describe children as "annoying" as if they're all one homogeneous mass, instead of individuals in their own right! Smile

Ironically, my DC (14 & 11) now tell me they have little interest in their childfree aunts and uncles as they find them boring.
I guess it works both ways!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/06/2019 20:08

I think parents are interested to find out why childfree adults made their decisions. Personally, I think it's a bit meh to describe children as "annoying" as if they're all one homogeneous mass, instead of individuals in their own right! Smile

Ironically, my DC (14 & 11) now tell me they don't want to visit their childfree aunts and uncles as they find them boring and annoying. Seriously, I'm not making this up. I guess it works both ways!

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/06/2019 20:08

Sorry, double posted.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/06/2019 20:09

I think parents are interested to find out why childfree adults made their decisions. Personally, I think it's a bit meh to describe children as "annoying" as if they're all one homogeneous mass, instead of individuals in their own right! Smile

Ironically, my DC (14 & 11) now tell me they don't want to visit their childfree aunts and uncles as they find them boring.
I guess it works both ways!

Bluesheep8 · 12/06/2019 20:10

I just never wanted any. Never envisaged my life with any. Made sure I didn't have any. I knew in my teens that I never wanted to be a mother.

PinkieTuscadero · 12/06/2019 20:19

I guess it works both ways!

It absolutely does. Your children are allowed to think certain people are as dull as ditchwater and other people are allowed to find your particular kids to be deathly dull.

PinkieTuscadero · 12/06/2019 20:25

I guess it works both ways!

It absolutely does. Your children are allowed to think certain people are as dull as ditchwater and other people are allowed to find your particular kids to be deathly dull.

TeaForTheWin · 12/06/2019 20:37

Because I don't want to do that to my body. It's dangerous. Can mess with your emotions too. Women die years after childbirth due to complications from way back then and even suicide as a result of postnatal depression. Sure, we can say that healthcare/aftercare is the issue but really - choice is the issue. I wouldn't choose to walk across a busy road blindfold if someone told me there might be a pot of gold at the other side. I value my own health and life more than I do something that may or may not exist. And I value my own life over that of a hypothetical being...and honestly, I sort of think everyone really should.

TeaForTheWin · 12/06/2019 20:39

Because I don't want to do that to my body. It's dangerous. Can mess with your emotions too. Women die years after childbirth due to complications from way back then and even suicide as a result of postnatal depression. Sure, we can say that healthcare/aftercare is the issue but really - choice is the issue. I wouldn't choose to walk across a busy road blindfold if someone told me there might be a pot of gold at the other side. I value my own health and life more than I do something that may or may not exist. And I value my own life over that of a hypothetical being...and honestly, I sort of think everyone really should.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/06/2019 20:39

Exactly! I think it's been a shock for our childfree siblings, though, to realise that young people can still view them as boring and middle-aged. I think they assumed they'd avoid that label because they weren't so tied down.

MarthasGinYard · 12/06/2019 20:44

Have you ever thought that them allegedly being 'boring' has zero to do with them not having dc?

Sounds like you've actually told them your dc don't want to spend time with them for this reason

How dreadfully rude

Wink
PinkieTuscadero · 12/06/2019 20:45

Lots of people are just born boring.

PinkieTuscadero · 12/06/2019 20:46

And most teens find their aunts and uncles, regardless of parental status, to be just as boring as their own parents.

PinkieTuscadero · 12/06/2019 20:46

Lots of people are just born boring.

MarthasGinYard · 12/06/2019 20:46

Pinkie

'Quite'

PinkieTuscadero · 12/06/2019 20:47

Some people are born boring.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/06/2019 21:04

Not at all, we get on really well with our family. The children are the ones who've been saying they don't want to hang out with them.

I honestly don't think it occurred to our siblings that they'd ever be regarded as middle-aged and boring by younger folks, because they're not tied down and they do have interesting lives.

But they are!

This comment is simply directed towards people who deem children "annoying" as if they're an unruly pack. They're individuals who have likes and dislikes - and they judge you as well!

PinkieTuscadero · 12/06/2019 21:08

But are that many adults, childfree or not, really bothered about not being perceived as cool by some 14 year old? Grin

I doubt it!

MarthasGinYard · 12/06/2019 21:10

Very much doubt it

Probably relieved

GatsbyWasntGreat · 12/06/2019 21:12

I do find kids I don't know really bloody annoying - usually you notice them because they're loud, screaching, running about, being knobs totally unsupervised in supermarkets/shops for example.

But I find my friends' children are sweet, funny and bright. Unless tantruming.

Just public, feral children kinda make me want to trip them up as they tear down an aisle and I have to move my trolley so they don't bang into it and hurt themselves (I'd get the blame, of course).

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 12/06/2019 21:12

But are that many adults, childfree or not, really bothered about not being perceived as cool by some 14 year old

I think I'd be more worried if a 14 year old thought I was cool to be honest! Come to think of it I don't really care if other adults don't think I'm cool.

AmICrazyorWhat2 · 12/06/2019 21:26

Ah well, my SIL and BIL did think of themselves as the cool auntie and uncle, and are a bit shocked to find themselves rejected!

The close knit family dynamic has also changed as there are no cousins. It's a bit sad really, my DC have literally no cousins at all.

dodgeballchamp · 12/06/2019 21:33

AmICrazy having cousins doesn’t mean they’d be close though. I have cousins but never saw them really as my mum was the only one to move out of the area she grew up in and her brothers stayed there. I literally wouldn’t recognise my cousins in the street.

I have no family really apart from my mum. But I wouldn’t let that stop me having kids because they wouldn’t have cousins! I just don’t want kids for many of the reasons already mentioned here. It’s less a decision, more just a deep knowing that I don’t want them

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 12/06/2019 21:36

having cousins doesn’t mean they’d be close though.

Yy. I've got cousins who can can't stand and would actively cross the street to avoid even passing by.

Familial relationships are not exactly a guarantee of endearment.

(I have other cousins who are ace and I spend a lot of time with)

MarthasGinYard · 12/06/2019 21:47

'Ah well, my SIL and BIL did think of themselves as the cool auntie and uncle, and are a bit shocked to find themselves rejected!'

In what what have your dc 'rejected' them?

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