To ask why you didn't/don't want children?

[alfie22]

I'm in no way judging anybody who have decided not to have DCs.

But I am genuinely intrigued for the reasons why after reading a thread about somebody's DD not wanting children.

What are your reasons for not having children? Would there any be "what ifs" further down the line?

I have two children, very much wanted and very much loved.

However.... quite often I think about how different my life would be if me and DH had chosen not to have children and I think it would have been amazing!!

I wouldn't be without my children now, but in another life I would definitely be chidfree and live my life only having to answer to myself and only having to please myself

When I got pregnant we lost all of our freinds (all childless and in their 40s - 60s)

They made it known that what we were doing was a stupid thing and they were having no part of it.

I haven’t seen or spoken to any of them in 20 years.

Babblepook

Because I'm talking about something that affects me. I personally think that having children would make my life a drudgery, so I chose not to have them since I'm the person who would have to raise those children.

When a parent says they think people without children are missing out on the joys of love, or whatever, they're talking about something that doesn't affect them.

Having children impacts my life.
Not having children doesn't impact yours.

And yes it was pointed out to us that our lives would be unending misery. Then there was the list of what we would never do again.

Which turned out completely wrong.

And yes it was pointed out to us that our lives would be unending misery. Then there was the list of what we would never do again.

Ok, that’s just rude.

I think its wonderfully refreshing that women can admit to not wanting children. I've never even thought about the procreation choices of other women and as I had children fairly young I avoided those questions. But as I get to the age where having children becomes a now or never thing - I see the pressure put on friends and other women of my age (usually from overbearing older family members) and I think its horrifying.

Enjoy your life - isn't that what its all about anyway. And its all bollocks that you can't love another person as much as you do your children. If anything you can concentrate on fulfilment of your current relationships (familial and otherwise) without being sidetracked by children taking over. Sounds bloody bliss.

Because I see absolutely zero positives to having children whatsoever.

'When I got pregnant we lost all of our freinds (all childless and in their 40s - 60s)'

When I got pregnant I was the Opposite

Not that it matters

I didn't lose all of 'MY' friends (many child 'FREE' by choice. I may be in a relationship but I'm an individual.

I embraced my friendships even more. I couldn't and still cannot abide, Mum talk, Mum Groups and mumsy types. My toes curl at some of the absolute crap, I've read on this thread.

Luckily my long standing friends even those who are mums I find are on my wavelength. Interesting and not wrapped up in dc. Individuals. Not just some kids mother.

This thread sounds like the division is much greater than it is - to me anyway.

For years my mother and friend would try to convince me otherwise. My friend would laugh and say of course I could look after a child, not to be silly when I told her I could barely look after myself. But she'd told me herself how difficult it was, how she'd be crying on the phone to her mother due to the sleep deprivation. I couldn't handle that.

Yes, it’s amazing how society continues to push the myth that mothering/nurturing comes naturally, when it clearly doesn’t for many and there are an awful lot of miserable adults around to prove it.

I'm talking about something that affects me. I personally think that having children would make my life a drudgery, so I chose not to have them since I'm the person who would have to raise those children. When a parent says they think people without children are missing out on the joys of love, or whatever, they're talking about something that doesn't affect them. Having children impacts my life. Not having children doesn't impact yours

This doesn’t make a huge amount of sense logistically!

In reverse
Not having children impacts your life.
My having children doesn’t impact yours.

My having children doesn’t impact your life so why do you get to comment on your perceived notion of my life’s drudgery yet I’m an awful human being if I express my perceived notion that your missing out on life’s deepest joy’?

Neither of us are right or wrong but child free people seem to feel awfully persecuted without basis on this thread it seems

@Oliversmumsarmy - on the flip side I’ve been dropped by my friends when they’ve had babies. Here are some of the reasons.

We will have nothing in common (more than once)

I can’t have people like you around my child

You’ll be uncaring towards to my child and upset them because you don’t grow a maternal instinct until you have them (😆)

We will have nothing in common (more than once)

Been ghosted (more than once)

And my favourite......

I want good influences around my child and that means only having proper humans around them.

I’d only been told I wasn’t a real woman up to that point, I didn’t know I also wasn’t a real human

@babblepook we get to comment because we were asked in the thread title. You can go over to the thread ‘why did you chose to have children’ and comment that you chose to have them because being childfree would mean missing out on life’s deepest joy. Doing it on this thread is you just being yet another person judging us. We get that all day every day and so some peoples defences will, of course, go up.

My having children doesn’t impact your life so why do you get to comment on your perceived notion of my life’s drudgery yet I’m an awful human being if I express my perceived notion that your missing out on life’s deepest joy’?

@babblepook, once again, because that was the question posed by the OP, that's the topic of the thread. Why do you feel the need to come on the thread and tell people that they are missing out?

The friend that said that to you Aria sounds like a massive self absorbed dick, so look on the positive. You no longer have that type of person as a friend.

I'm horrified that so many people have said such offensive things just because a woman chooses not to have a child (that she doesn't bloody want anyway).

It's weird that some parents on this thread try to police the responses. Have they missed the thread title?

Nope

Lets be honest there are only a few reasons people choose to have children and I am not saying that is wrong but there are many reasons why people chose not to have them.

I have looked at the other thread and basically most posters are saying they had children simply because they wanted them which I would think is the main reason most women have them.

Other than that it might be because you got pregnant accidentally and didn't want an abortion which, obviously, is fine. There is a poster saying she had them because she didn't want to die alone like her grandmother did which I think is a terrible reason. Also, as another poster pointed out, if she was a grandmother she obviously had children and grandchildren and yet still died alone!

Mine and DH's reasons for not having children were numerous and discussed at length

@noentryintothemind - I am glad of that!

@earclipper - they haven’t missed the thread title, they’re big fans of the saying ‘mum knows best’ though

I don’t get the rudeness, people are just saying what they feel as you are

There is a poster saying she had them because she didn't want to die alone like her grandmother did which I think is a terrible reason.

That reason makes no logical sense as her grandmother obviously did have children and it didn’t stop her dying alone.

Mum’s know best is just more belittling crap aimed at women isn’t it. Seems it goes both ways

So they haven't missed the thread title but they are trying to police responses. Okay then.

@marshabraydo - some of us have explained to you within the last half an hour so if you don’t get it, it’s because you don’t want to get it 🤷🏻‍♀️

That’s like one of those father son riddles