To ask why you didn't/don't want children?

[alfie22]

I'm in no way judging anybody who have decided not to have DCs.

But I am genuinely intrigued for the reasons why after reading a thread about somebody's DD not wanting children.

What are your reasons for not having children? Would there any be "what ifs" further down the line?

Lots of child free people I know have pets and won’t go out for long/go on holiday because they don’t want to leave them. They buy fancy food and expensive toys, some have huge play areas and beds (or the pet has its own room) and then they say they don’t want children because of mess, noise, expense, being tied down etc

Ok I’ll bite on that 😂

I have a cat. The cat basically had a room dedicated to it. The cat has the best food and lots of toys.

The cat costs a LOT less than a human child!

And as for holidays, I use free houseitters from trustedhousesitters and swap londom accommodation for cat sitting (and have regular ones). Or my parents come down for a London holiday and look after the cat. Or if it’s just one night I leave food down on a timer.

He’s a lot less effort than a human child!

Sinkgirl, I do agree that under funding is making the problems worse but overpopulation definitely does have a bearing on the massive burden on the NHS, on the schools and on housing. We can't just keep building more and more housing for the ever increasing population. We are a small island and are far too overcrowded.

It's just a pity that people had to go into completely dissing the whole parenting thing by saying 'because I didn't want a life of drudgery'....it's not dc who make life a drudgery, it's your own character. If you are the kind to live a life of drudgery, you'll do it with or without dc. If you honestly chose a life without dc to avoid drudgery then you chose for the wrong reasons. You'll still have that life of drudgery.

This just isn't true though is it? Unless you can afford 24 hour live in nannies then raising children is going to take work. Even once they've reached passed the ages where they're completely reliant on you to stay alive and can feed, water and clean themselves and keep themselves alive they still need your emotional labour.

As some of the posts on this thread shows: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3605838-To-ask-if-anyone-elses-parents-sort-of-stopped-parenting-them-as-a-young-teen

I've also seen many parents on here saying that they've found that their children needed them more in their teenage years than they did as young children.

Personally, this isn't my reason for being child free but I can definitely see why someone who isn't already desperate to be a parent would view the work required to raise a healthy, well balanced child as drudgery.

Lots of child free people I know have pets and won’t go out for long/go on holiday because they don’t want to leave them. They buy fancy food and expensive toys, some have huge play areas and beds (or the pet has its own room) and then they say they don’t want children because of mess, noise, expense, being tied down etc

Being tied down was never on my list of reasons not to have children, but the dog comes with us on holiday and the cats go into the cattery.

Pets are expensive, but are they as expensive as children? I would guess not, because they don't constantly need new things over a period of 18 years or so - they reach adulthood within a year or so, at which point their accoutrements only need replacing when they actually wear out. Your dog won't be teased by other dogs because his lead is a bit shabby or not a trendy brand! Cats and dogs don't cost as much to feed as children - you can't just buy a £10 bag of 'child food' for a week!

My personal experience is that pets make your house more dirty than messy - they don't have boxes full of toys, but they leave hair everywhere!

@BlueSkiesLies if you read the rest of my post I said if that’s what makes them happy then great but again they try to convince me being tied down/the expense/the mess/the responsibility is worth it while also complaining parents do the same to them about kids 🤷🏻‍♀️

Like I said parents and pet owners are great and I’m glad people have kids and pets, I just don’t want to be lectured about how I should have them too!

Lots of slightly bitter answers on here
For me I was never broody but always knew I wanted kids. It’s a wonderful gift, and one you don’t know till you’re truly in that situation.
I also really want grandkids one day. I imagine the later years could be a bit lonely without them.
Also lol to the person who said it was because she’s a feminist

My best friend, who I met when we were 18, always said she never wanted kids. Over the years she finished a couple of serious relationships with guys who thought they could change her mind. Then she met her husband, moved to NZ and adopted a little boy. I always knew I wanted children had 11 miscarriages, IVF x 3 and we when we had given up after 8 years of trying, my age, savings gone we were blessed with our beautiful little girl.

That's lovely, Ibiza. Especially when you'd probably ran out of every shred of hope.

I also really want grandkids one day. I imagine the later years could be a bit lonely without them.

But you realise this is your kids' decision to make and you'll make sure not be that kind of mother.

@EarClipper yes definitely theirs! No guarantees for me. And no irritating nudges towards them. Just hope so is all!

People who don’t want kids are wise. They realised what I now know but before they had them. If I had my time again I wouldn’t have any - I do my best for them but I don’t enjoy any of it. I was kind of getting on when I had them so by the time they are adults my life will be well and truly over.
It’s relentless and thankless and boring. For me, the negatives hugely outweigh any slight positives. Ds has additional needs and is intensely irritating and only gets worse as he gets older. His adhd drives me to distraction.
In essence: they’ve ruined my career, my body, my mental health, my social life - basically everything!

I NEVER want grandchildren. Obviously not up to me but I really cant imagine wanting to have much to do with them.

I imagine the later years could be a bit lonely without them

I imagine that the later years could be even more lonely with them .....

@Leighhalfpennysthigh

So happy to read your news and that you are happy after everything you've been through.

I wish you every happiness.

💐

Am I the only one that finds it out there is so many people responding on here that don't have or want children yet this is mumsnet?? Does that not seem odd?

I have always known I didn’t want children. I was not born with the want for a child.
I didn’t have the best relationship with my mother and I had to look after my sister when she was born. I was 9 when she arrived. My husband is off the same opinion. We are in our 30’s and like our life together.

Never wanted them. Never regretted it. I’m great at being a cool aunt, rubbish at being a step-mother. Children are just hard work.

Just have to have a look at the postings on Mnet. Problems with childcare, costs too much, GPs won't help out, problems accessing best schools, schools being unreasonable about behaviours, problems with DC not sleeping, not eating, taking up time after work, weekends, having to take holidays at most expensive time, and on and on. Wonder there are any children at all in the western world. Are these enough reason why not to have children

@goodluckandgodspeed I know I'd feel exactly the same and I would hugely regret and resent the responsibility, cost and overall impact of DC.

I think of school runs, endless washing, kids birthday parties, homework, toddlers, teenagers, emergency trips to A&E, and feel nothing but dread!

graysquirrel This has been answered many times, on many threads.

I've just totted up threads on active -

12 parenting-related

36 not parenting-related

graysquirrel have a look back on ALL the threads about this. The site has many subjects for threads that have nothing to do with parenting. Mumsnet comes up high on google searches. It's no surprise to find it attracts childfree and dare I say it men as well.

@Femodene

I'm not sure Mumsnet is the place for you..?!

I didn’t want children . But I have two .
In my thirties I got hit by a huge maternal urge .
I didn’t know where it came from .
I love my kid s passionately but I have struggled with parenting from day one .
I think knowing yourself is key to all this .

graysquirrel This has been answered many times, on many threads.

And even on this one.