Friend giving me a lift aibu?

[tinnyi]

I can drive but at the moment I haven't got a car.
My friend passed her test 7 months ago and started inviting me for tea and she was very enthusiastic about driving.
3 times we've gone to a friends house (she's drove,20 mins each way ) I've have her £10 petrol money each time.
Last week she invited me for tea,she drove to mine.
I said leave the car and we will walk into town and she said no I don't mind driving.
Sunday we are going away for the weekend and she wanted to stay at mine the night before ,then drive us to train station next day,so she didn't have to rush over the morning or going away.
I said of course but my boyfriend will be here but the spare room will be made up with new sheets etc.
She said no I won't stay if your boyfriend is here,tell him not to come over or you will have to get to the coach station on your own (45 min drive )
I said I didn't want to do that.
Then she started throwing in my face the fact she's drove us places lately.
Just because I don't have a car doesn't mean I don't do her favours.
I will go to town for her if she needs things,I walked to kfc to get her food.
I've lent her over £300 8 months ago and she hasn't paid a penny.
Got her a new outfit for her birthday night out.
Here she is having the cheek to say to me "I'm not a taxi"
I never think she is,she takes me somewhere once in a blue moon and always for tea or friends (where she's going )
Aibu here ?

Do you have any proof that she owes you that money? I would ask for the £300 back now. Give her a time limit. If she doesn't pay then take her to small claims court.

Also, stop being friends with her. She sounds like a twat.

Even if you were sharing a taxi... stay with me here.... then you'd be sharing the cost.A tenner is a bit much. She can't dictate if yr bf stays over or not.

I used to drive my friends around all the time because I’d be the only sober one. Some lived far, far away. It never would have occurred to me to ask for money and wouldn’t have accepted if they’d offered!

That being said, I realised some time back I would always be the one going out of my way for some of those friends. They were being CF. I distinctly remember visiting one CF who thought it was hilarious she managed to convince everyone to visit her because she “couldn’t be bothered making an effort myself”, while I was sitting in her lounge room. She thought her selfishness was endearing for some reason. Needless to say she’s a bit lonely these days.

I’d calculate just how many pounds have gone your CF’s way in total. I suspect you’ll be surprised when you see that figure on paper, especially given you could put it towards your own car. Then get the 300 back and cut her gravy train off completely.

I would stop accepting lifts from her as she's being very controlling. Ask her for the £300 back as you really need it now as you're skint. Do not lend/give her any more.

how much would an uber/taxi cost instead of the coach? definitely don't change your plans because she's getting uppity

This is not a friend. She is a user. Take this chance to end the friendship.

Why would you not just take the money off the £300 if you’re going to pay petrol money?

A taxi wouldn’t cost £10 for 20 minutes!
It would cost considerably more than that in my neck of the woods!

I occasionally get a metered cab home from the station (it’s a very steep uphill journey). Depending on traffic and traffic lights it takes between 3/5 minutes and costs between £6/£7. If I get a cab to my brothers house (5 miles, 20 odd minutes) it would be a minimum of £16 so £10 for the lifts seems fair if they are convenient for you.

That being said she seems very demanding. You should also be asking her for your £300 back. Why have you let her keep it for so long?

Actually, the HMRC allowance is 45p per mile for the driver and 5p per mile for any passengers.

And the HMRC rate includes fair wear and tear on the car as well.
Giving a lift to a friend shouldn't come close to them working out HMRC rates.

I would let her stay somewhere else, you and your OH take a taxi to the station, start refusing all the lifts and ask for your 300 back.

I think she is doing too many lifts but if she is going anyway (and lives near you) £10 sounds excessive mostly because she owes you £300.

She sounds like hard work. I wouldn't accept lifts with so many strings attached.

Time to pull back on the friendship

A taxi wouldn’t cost £10 for 20 minutes! £20 here!

Distance yourself OP.

I don't think I would stay at a friend's if their boyfriend was also staying over. A live in partner fine but boyfriend could stay in his own bed for 1 night.

Stand up for yourself!
She sees you as a doormat. I bet she wouldn't dare treat other friends like this?
I was once in this situation. I decided to withdraw my funds and friendship. I then regained my self-esteem.

Have you mentioned the £300 yet OP? Some people are selfish fuckers and only seem to see things from their own perspective: she's doing you a massive favour giving you a lift to somewhere she's going anyway; whereas, any friend should offer to lend money and not expect it back until the person is ready. It's outrageous but that's how these people think. If she'd lent you money, she'd no doubt be charging you punitive rates of interest and demanding payment.

I'd be withdrawing from this relationship. She's unlikely to suddenly become a generous spirited person and you'll always be giving while she takes.

She said no I won't stay if your boyfriend is here,tell him not to come over or you will have to get to the coach station on your own (45 min drive )I said I didn't want to do that.

How DO you want to get to the coach station then if you don’t want to get there on your own?

She's a massive CF expecting money for journeys she would be making anyway. Plus it sounds like half the time you wouldn't even be going at all without her urging.

If you feel yoi have to pay petrol it should be no more than 22.5p per mile as that is half the standard milage rate and she should be responsible for the other half herself. But only pay by reducing her £300 debt to you by a few quid.

I am not convinced she is a genuine friend.

OP ..this friend...and I use that term loosely is way too over invested with you...she is very controlling...not a great friend really....back away from this friendship is my advice,She thinks you are dependant on her so she can call the shots and thats not right....it puts her in a position of power in her own head. Have your weekend away and then back off,be busy,make other arrangements with friends and boyfriends and slowly take back control...would be my advice.

MyDcAreMarvel

A pre booked cab to or from the station where I live is £16, if you don't book it's over £20. It's about fifteen minutes away.

£10 petrol money for a 40 minute drive, either she’s doing 200 mph for the duration of that or she drives a Ferrari!

Regarding journeys that she'd be making anyway .... I used to live rurally and would drive to work. A couple of younger lasses got jobs in the same town and asked for lifts. It didn't seem fair to charge much as I was going anyway, but I wanted them to appreciate that nothing is really free ... So we agreed on a charge of £1 per journey. Not much but enough to buy me a coffee occasionally!

I said of course but my boyfriend will be here but the spare room will be made up with new sheets etc.

Wouldn't that be the case even if boyfriend wasn't there anyway?