Leave children 9/11

[ohwhattodowithmylife]

Just wondering if anyone would
Leave 9/11 year old early morning at home to go to the gym. Gym is a 10 min drive away, session 45 mins so would be just over an hour. Would be home to get them up and off to school.
11 year old is very sensible. No husband/
To help.

I would (and do) this with my 10 & 12 yo, and would have done it at 9/11.

I would NOT do it if I thought they were unhappy with the idea (or obv if I thought they could not sensibly cope with the situation).

My two go to the park by themselves & get a public bus to school by themselves. Can't see why an hour at home by themselves would be more challenging - other than the bickering potential.

I think if your children are sensible and they get on, then this is OK. Not everyday, but once or twice a week. It must be tough parenting on your own and you definitely need to look after your own well being.

My initial gut feeling was ‘no’ as I felt sad about children waking up to an empty house. But then I read the dog walking comment and I realised that I know loads of people who pop out for a quick morning dog walk and it’s no big deal.

If they are very sensible and happy with the idea I'd try it. 10 plus probably better.
I have a 9 year old and she wouldn't like it.
I feel your pain. I have 2 kids and a husband, busy lives and find it almost impossible to squeeze in exercise around work, parties, their activities etc. So it must be really tricky.
Even if u choose not to go for it now a bit more freedom is hopefully around the corner soon.

I would.

This is exactly what we do with our (sensible) 9 and 11 yr olds.
We have a dog that needs walking every day before work which my DW does and three times a week I have bootcamp (the only time I can fit in exercise with kids / work / clubs, etc). So on those days they're left between 6.20 and 7.30am. When we get back they're usually still asleep but occasionally they might have woken up and have started to get themselves breakfast.
They can contact us if there's a problem, they're happy to have the trust from us and we get stuff done that needs to be done. Win win.

OP I totally understand why you'd want to go to the gym over home work outs, even the most motivated people I know struggle to stick to exercise at home, it's painfully tedious. And agree that you need to look after yourself, esp as a LP and it's so hard to have no one.

If your gym isn't far away (sorry if you've said that) I would go. I think it would be better to do it one weekday and one weekend day whilst kids are awake though, as I do think pp are right about it being worse when they're sleeping and unaware. If you where really worried you could get a camera to keep an eye on them/the house whilst you're away. If they will be alone after school soon anyway I don't think it's all that different.
If 9yr old isn't far off 10 I'd be even more inclined to go.

I am constantly staggered by the 'competitive parenting' on MN in relation to any form of 'leaving the children ' .. the best so far in this thread .. from freshstartnewme posted last night -
I wouldn't. I am however very pro parenting and I believed that one of the most important things you can ever do for your kids is be there. No, they don't need you to be there, yes they can manage on their own for that time, but I think it's really important that you are actually there. It's what builds the bonds and security that means they will come to you in the future when they need you.
which reaches a whole new level in condescension to those without any help with children.. and explains that being in a position where you have no 'own' time means you MUST sacrifice any chance of this or be a 'less good' parent ..

All Bolloxs of course OP and taken to this level will render a child with the horror of a claustrophobic helicopter parent ...

There is not a wrong or right answer to this as only you know your children's level of maturity..

When mine were young I frequently left my DD1 (13) with DD2 (6) .. because of the way they behaved and interacted. I would never of considered leaving them if DS 11 was with them as he would not listen to DD1 and is more of a risk taker.

Sounds to me like it would be absolutely fine with your 2.
When I had mine we didn't have mobile phones readily to hand.. so I was leaving them without the ability to contact me - something which has completely changed these days.

I would. I wonder if the people saying no way are single parents?
As a single parent you have to do things that in an ideal world you wouldn’t have to consider.
My ds has had to be left on his own more than I am necessarily comfortable with but I have no choice.

It wasn't intended to be condescending. If you read it like that then that's your problem not mine.

I probably used the wrong term by 'pro parenting' what I really meant was pro active parenting. As in, being there.

There is no ' claustrophobic helicopter parenting' going on though.

Yep no problem.

As long as they were happy with it and knew you wouldn’t be there when they woke up

At 9 & 11? Yes, I can't see a problem with this at all, so long as you have your phone on you in the gym so they can call you if needed and they're ok with it. I know plenty of people who do this, either to go to the gym or walk the dog.

I used to leave mine home alone in the day for an hour or so, I don't think that's unusual, is it?

Nope violet, it's totally normal. I hope the op reads the more recent pages and not just the first page. First page, 80% don't leave them, whole thread, 80% it's fine.

Not if they were asleep but if they were awake and sensible kids and I knew they'd just sit quietly watching tv or playing on PlayStation then maybe...
I leave mine same age in school holiday for approx 45 min to do food shop occasionally if I don't do online as they hate coming - they are happy with this and I am quicker without them. They know my phone number, they know not to open door or go out. I ring/text them when I'm leaving so they know I'll be back in 5 mins. They also know dads mobile number and if I'm not back by such time they would know to ring him or grandparents who live 15 mins away. They also have friends over the road they could go to in an emergency. However, they've not needed to do any of that and are always exactly where I left them - glued to a screen of some kind lol! The oldest walks to school and back on his own so that's more risky than watching tv in his own home.

I think maybe you've had judgemental responses due to the fact it's a gym class so people view it as not a necessity and putting yourself first and also maybe the fact it's early morning and they are asleep rather than the age of the children?

It wasn't intended to be condescending. If you read it like that then that's your problem not mine.

I probably used the wrong term by 'pro parenting' what I really meant was pro active parenting. As in, being there.

Given then many of us read your pro-parenting description as condescending, I'd say it was your issue not ours.

But what exactly is pro-active parenting? I'm "there" for my kids but being "there" every second of every day is detrimental to their health no? At what point s you intend to let your children gain some independence?
What age do you intend to let them be by themselves, or wake up to you not being there?

Serious question. I'd like to understand what it is that proactive parenting is versus what everyone else is doing...

Given then many of us read your pro-parenting description as condescending, I'd say it was your issue not ours.

Well it was badly worded, certainly not meant to be condescending, but I don't have an issue with it.

But what exactly is pro-active parenting? I'm "there" for my kids but being "there" every second of every day is detrimental to their health no?

Not that I am aware of. There are thousands of families who have a parent in the house all the time, I'm not sure what impact it has on the child's health.

At what point s you intend to let your children gain some independence?

Gaining independence isn't about being alone. So many people think absence = independence. It doesn't. One of the most important factors needed for independence is security.

What age do you intend to let them be by themselves, or wake up to you not being there?

I don't think my DC have ever woken up and not had a parent in the house. It's never been necessary. They have managed to grow up into independent, fully functioning young adults despite this fact.

Serious question. I'd like to understand what it is that proactive parenting is versus what everyone else is doing...

Well everyone does thing differently. For me, being there is important. For others, not so. It's reasonable to accept people are different. OP asked about leaving the DC alone, for me that's a no.

No. Because you could be in a car accident driving to and from the gym.

No. I know someone who leaves 7 and 11 year old alone in the house asleep every morning to run.
Gone at least an hour.
Not something I'd consider doing.

No way - not asleep - if they were to wake up to the smell of smoke or worst not wake up at all because this age group is not going to wake up easily.

I would look for other ways to fit exercise in, tbh. Could you run or cycle all or part of the way to work, as a suggestion? Or do you work somewhere where you could do a lunchtime run? Or perhaps an after work class, with the children waiting at the gym (is there a cafe where they could have a drink while they wait?)?

I’m a lone parent and yes I would absolutely do this if the children were happy about it and sensible.. I’d let a neighbour know and they’d be briefed as to what to do re various scenarios. I know mine has been left for up to an hour and feels super important and valued being trusted enough to be on his own.
Looking after your mental health and general well being is extremely important... happy healthy mum = happy healthy kids

Big hug to you OP x

I think if they are both fine with it then i’d do it. As long as you have your phone on you and they both know how to contact you.

I wouldn’t. What would happen if there was a nasty car crash? Can you imagine the police knocking on the door to a 9 and 11 year old to tell them their mum is in hospital? Or worse!

What would happen if there was a nasty car crash? Can you imagine the police knocking on the door to a 9 and 11 year old to tell them their mum is in hospital? Or worse!

As opposed to the children also being in the accident!

You know your own children so if you think they're mature enough then talk to them about it. You'd obviously have to run through some "what ifs" but I think most sensible dc of their ages would be fine.

Would you be leaving after 6am? I would wake them up, they could get dressed, have a glass of milk, read a book, then you could come back and have breakfast with them before school. I wouldn't be comfortable leaving them asleep.