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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off over this...

171 replies

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 08/06/2019 18:16

Genuinely unsure whether I’m being unreasonable to be pissed off about this, or if hormones are just being annoying little shits at the moment.. so thought I’d put it to the lovely people of MN to be my deciders!

Currently 27 weeks pregnant with DC3, and have had horrible cramps for about 4-5 days now, some days the cramps have coincided with diarrhoea (sorry tmi), but not often. I’ve been telling DH all week that I’ve been struggling with on/off tummy troubles, so he is aware of how long this has been going on for.

This morning, I woke up in absolute agony. The pressure in my lower back/top of my arse is immense, the intermittent cramping has seriously ramped up and even walking at a slow place is hurting me. Still though, I got up, went food shopping while DH stayed home with the DC’s, feeling incredibly faint the whole way round the supermarket. Got home, unpacked the shopping, hoovered the front room and packed away toys.. then DH took eldest DC out for an hour whilst I wriggled and squirmed on the sofa trying desperately to find a position that didn’t irritate my back further - it’s worth adding that he didn’t disappear with DC1 to give me a break, DC2 was still at home with me and the only reason he went out was because DC wouldn’t stop pestering him to go outside, otherwise he would’ve quite happily and easily not moved from the sofa all day.

Once they got back, I tidied/cleared up in the DC’s bedrooms, emptied bins, cleared the sides in the kitchen, put a wash on before finally feeling like things were getting too much pain wise, and crawled on to the sofa and laid hunched over in agony. I asked DH if he knew if we had any painkillers laying around that were safe for me to take, to which he responded that we don’t have any left... now here, I was half expecting him to ask me if I wanted him to pop out and grab some, seeing as how uncomfortable I clearly was.. but nope. He just continued sitting on the sofa, staring at his phone.

I gave up trying to get myself comfortable in the front room after a while, so got on to our bed and laid there for about half hour, hoping stretching out would do me some good.. it didn’t. 5pm was drawing closer and DH hadn’t started to make any dinner for us or the DC’s, the washing was finished in the machine and ready to be hung out, the sink was still full of dishes from the day before, just nothing being done whatsoever.

Noticing the time, I got up, put DC’s dinner in the oven, did the washing up and told DH I was going to the shop to grab some paracetamol. I mentioned it would’ve been nice for him to have acknowledged how much pain I’m in, and for him to have dealt with the kitchen/laundry/dinners today and perhaps offered to grab some painkillers for me (we have a million and one shops all within a 2 minute walk of our house). He said nothing again, just kept playing on his phone.

Once I was back from the shops, I started unloading the washing machine, folding up the dry stuff that was on the drier, and hanging out the wet washing. DH came out to the kitchen to grab the DC’s food, and didn’t even bother to ask me if I’d like him to take over with the washing, or offer to make our dinner so I didn’t have to do it.

Aibu to think that, particularly whilst pregnant, if someone says that they’re in a great deal pain, you don’t just sit on your arse and watch them struggle whilst they do everything, not offering to lighten their load or telling them to just sit down and rest?

(Ps: Regarding the pain, I have contacted my MW and while she’s yet to get back to me, I’m starting to suspect it could be a UTI, so if I’m still in pain tomorrow morning, I’ll head to MAU to get checked out!)

OP posts:
InezInez · 09/06/2019 14:33

He sounds like a selfish jerk who couldn't care less about you. Is he always like this?

BatShite · 09/06/2019 15:01

Wow you are so not being unreasonable. Thats really bad behaviour from your DH mind, I would be extremely annoyed and would probably (especially with pregnancy hormones) go on strike or something to make him do something!

MitziK · 09/06/2019 15:16

@Dude, that's exactly how I felt when going to 4cm. Then the discomfort went back to just a mild niggle for a few days. You're not far enough along to dismiss those sorts of pains.

Everybody would prefer it if it's just a UTI that needs treating. But we're not going to dismiss it, in case it's premature labour and a UTI.

Hope all goes well at the hospital anyway.

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 09/06/2019 15:34

Well, gp tested my urine and it's a definite UTI, however a lot of blood was shown in my urine so the gp phoned the ante natal triage and asked them if they think I needed to be seen.. this time they've said yes.

So just waiting in MAU now.

OP posts:
teraculum29 · 09/06/2019 15:51

i wont be surprised if you are going to be check in at the hospital today.

gingerbiscuits · 09/06/2019 15:57

Bloody hell! Is he normally that much of an utter twat?? I'd have gone batshit crazy if that was me - even without being pregnant! You poor thing. Mind you, I would have told him outright & would definitely not have carried on struggling to do all that you did. His actions/attitude sound like he doesn't give a shit about you.

KingaRoo · 09/06/2019 16:01

Hope they can reassure you baby is OK and you're not in labour, and that the antibiotics do the trick.

Unfortunately I've never found 111 helpful. It's either do nothing, see your GP or they send you an ambulance. I've refused ambulances a few times when I've known they're not necessary. However in this case if I were you I would have seen the GP last Monday the first symptoms you got. Doesn't help now but for the future, please don't let it get to this stage.

KingaRoo · 09/06/2019 16:02

Oh yes and your DH sounds very uncaring and unloving. Has he always been like this?

Crunchymum · 09/06/2019 16:13

Glad you are being seen at the MAU, they'll give you a thorough check up.

Have to agree about you being a bit of a martyr though OP. When I've been ill or incapacitated (I have arthritis) then I do the absolute bare essentials if DP isn't around (self employed and often works away!). Hoovering isn't essential.

Feel better soon and then have a serious think about how you can get your useless DH to take a more active role.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 09/06/2019 17:02

Glad you’re being seen OP. Please don’t argue with the maternity unit if they say you need to be admitted. Grin

MummyParanoia101 · 09/06/2019 17:23

What you're experiencing from your DH is abuse. Emotional abuse

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 09/06/2019 17:31

Cervix was checked - all fine there.
No contractions picked up on the monitor, baby moving fine and heartbeat was great.

They've put all the pain down to a severe UTI.
Glad to know what the problem is!

OP posts:
cccameron · 09/06/2019 17:37

Glad you've been properly checked over OP. How is your DH behaviour now? Has he shown you any care or attention yet?

motherofcats81 · 09/06/2019 17:56

Glad to hear you are ok OP.

I am horrified that your DP hasn't been by your side through all this. It really is not the behaviour of a caring husband and father.

But do drop the non-essential stuff like hoovering when you are sick, and if the OH huffs and puffs about something not being done tell him it is NOT YOUR JOB.

I'd personally think about getting rid of him entirely, but at the very least a serious kick up the ass is in order.

ElektraUnchained · 09/06/2019 18:05

Glad they are taking you seriously.

Your H is being an utter arse. Does he usually act like such a twat about tiny things like making you a coffee WHEN HE WAS ALREADY MAKING ONE?!?

Bluerussian · 09/06/2019 19:01

Sorry about your UTI but glad you are otherwise well, and baby .

Your husband needs a wake up call. Perhaps someone else who knows both of you can make some suggestions to him, in a pleasant but firm manner. Sometimes that works, it shames the person to be put on the spot in that way.

Hope things improve. Flowers

jpclarke · 09/06/2019 20:06

Glad it is what you thought it was. I was worried you were going into early labour. Hopefully you will be feeling better in a few days. Your dh definitely needs to start supporting and helping you and not just when you are pregnant you are going to be busy with 3 kids and trying to keep everyone else ticking over will be hard work. Bit on the plus you know you can do it on your own if needs be.

GabsAlot · 09/06/2019 20:57

He just doesnt sound like a nice caring person-throwing stuff about ina strop because u asked for a drink then jsut sat there when u said u were going t see a doctor

Do you really want your kids to be brought up thinking thats the way to treat people

Graphista · 09/06/2019 21:51

A severe uti is not a minor condition. It's good nothing else is going on but please don't be complacent about your health.

What treatment and advice have you been given?

"D"h needs to step up NOW with huffing, without a fuss and certainly without taking it out on you or the DC.

Sceptre86 · 09/06/2019 21:58

In some ways you enable his behaviour by not calling him out on it. When he was huffing and puffing with regards to doing the dishes you should have told him to do it if he was so bothered. Put your feet up when you need to and actively say when you need help. Might be a good time to discuss splitting of chores as your pregnancy progresses in prep for when your lo arrives. Hope you recover well from your uti, they can be so painful especially in pregnancy.

LannieDuck · 09/06/2019 22:36

Presumably your DH has been looking after the other two kids by himself this afternoon? So he can do it when he has to... he just chooses not to when you're around to do it for him.

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