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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off over this...

171 replies

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 08/06/2019 18:16

Genuinely unsure whether I’m being unreasonable to be pissed off about this, or if hormones are just being annoying little shits at the moment.. so thought I’d put it to the lovely people of MN to be my deciders!

Currently 27 weeks pregnant with DC3, and have had horrible cramps for about 4-5 days now, some days the cramps have coincided with diarrhoea (sorry tmi), but not often. I’ve been telling DH all week that I’ve been struggling with on/off tummy troubles, so he is aware of how long this has been going on for.

This morning, I woke up in absolute agony. The pressure in my lower back/top of my arse is immense, the intermittent cramping has seriously ramped up and even walking at a slow place is hurting me. Still though, I got up, went food shopping while DH stayed home with the DC’s, feeling incredibly faint the whole way round the supermarket. Got home, unpacked the shopping, hoovered the front room and packed away toys.. then DH took eldest DC out for an hour whilst I wriggled and squirmed on the sofa trying desperately to find a position that didn’t irritate my back further - it’s worth adding that he didn’t disappear with DC1 to give me a break, DC2 was still at home with me and the only reason he went out was because DC wouldn’t stop pestering him to go outside, otherwise he would’ve quite happily and easily not moved from the sofa all day.

Once they got back, I tidied/cleared up in the DC’s bedrooms, emptied bins, cleared the sides in the kitchen, put a wash on before finally feeling like things were getting too much pain wise, and crawled on to the sofa and laid hunched over in agony. I asked DH if he knew if we had any painkillers laying around that were safe for me to take, to which he responded that we don’t have any left... now here, I was half expecting him to ask me if I wanted him to pop out and grab some, seeing as how uncomfortable I clearly was.. but nope. He just continued sitting on the sofa, staring at his phone.

I gave up trying to get myself comfortable in the front room after a while, so got on to our bed and laid there for about half hour, hoping stretching out would do me some good.. it didn’t. 5pm was drawing closer and DH hadn’t started to make any dinner for us or the DC’s, the washing was finished in the machine and ready to be hung out, the sink was still full of dishes from the day before, just nothing being done whatsoever.

Noticing the time, I got up, put DC’s dinner in the oven, did the washing up and told DH I was going to the shop to grab some paracetamol. I mentioned it would’ve been nice for him to have acknowledged how much pain I’m in, and for him to have dealt with the kitchen/laundry/dinners today and perhaps offered to grab some painkillers for me (we have a million and one shops all within a 2 minute walk of our house). He said nothing again, just kept playing on his phone.

Once I was back from the shops, I started unloading the washing machine, folding up the dry stuff that was on the drier, and hanging out the wet washing. DH came out to the kitchen to grab the DC’s food, and didn’t even bother to ask me if I’d like him to take over with the washing, or offer to make our dinner so I didn’t have to do it.

Aibu to think that, particularly whilst pregnant, if someone says that they’re in a great deal pain, you don’t just sit on your arse and watch them struggle whilst they do everything, not offering to lighten their load or telling them to just sit down and rest?

(Ps: Regarding the pain, I have contacted my MW and while she’s yet to get back to me, I’m starting to suspect it could be a UTI, so if I’m still in pain tomorrow morning, I’ll head to MAU to get checked out!)

OP posts:
sqirrelfriends · 09/06/2019 12:27

Sorry OP, he sounds like an arse.

I hope you're ok. Thanks

Whisky2014 · 09/06/2019 12:34

You're interfering with medical professionals. Let them do their job!

I'm surprised you chose to have another child with this man.

timeisnotaline · 09/06/2019 12:38

That was a bit silly op , you can have no reason to be so confident it’s just a uti when you’re basically describing labor pains. You are the only person in your house who can care for this baby and at the moment you do that by caring for yourself. Please stop dismissing your pain or slaving away through it.

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 09/06/2019 12:43

The thing is, I explained my situation to the woman in the ante natal triage when I first phoned... she didn't seem concerned at all and simply told me to call 111 to get my urine tested.
111 thought I needed an ambulance... ambulance lady didn't seem to agree that I needed one, so now I'm back to waiting to hear from 111 for the next step.

FWIW - the pain today is NOTHING like it was yesterday.

OP posts:
motherofcats81 · 09/06/2019 12:44

OP, one of my best friends thought her pains were probably nothing and didn't want to waste people's time - it turned out she was having a placental abruptjon which needed an emergency c-section and had she not gone to hospital (saying all the way that it was unnecessary) both she and baby could have died.

You could be right and it is just a UTI, but the stakes are high here so just be on the safe side fgs!

Passmethecrisps · 09/06/2019 12:48

This entire thread is enormously frustrating.

You are pregnant and in pain. You describe multiple times where you have been explicit to your husband about what needs done or how bad you are feeling and you type “and he does not respond”. So you mean he literally ignores you. Like actually acts like you aren’t even talking?

But you are told by about twenty posters that this is your fault for being a martyr. There are two other children who need looking after - it sounds like OP is well aware that their needs won’t be met if she doesn’t do it. It’s all very well saying to sit down and let him get on but what if he literally won’t?

And actually op, you irritation at 111 is a bit frustrating. Several posters have said this is indicative of early labour. The telephone adviser obviously thought the same. Yet there you go, minimising and worrying about the fuss. Let the ambulance come and let your husband see you being loaded into the back of the bloody thing.

Frankly this marriage sounds hideous and it is astonishing that you have made three babies with a man as unthinking, lazy and selfish as you have painted this one to be.

Whisky2014 · 09/06/2019 12:53

Op is just bloody minded. I'm leaving the thread as she's so frustrating

cccameron · 09/06/2019 13:00

FFS you're even a martyr about getting the medical attention you need. Let the medical professionals do their job. You say that the OOH is only 10 mins down the road, well why didn't you go when the pains started 6 days ago? A number of people have said they had the same symptoms with early labour. Aren't you the slightest bit concerned? This thread is just incredibly frustrating.

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 09/06/2019 13:04

Because cramping and back aches can literally mean anything. Even the woman in the ambulance said on the phone that cramping can be completely normal and back ache is to be expected when you're basically 12 weeks away from giving birth!

When the pain started on Monday, it wasn't enough for me to warrant even taking paracetamol, let alone both the hospital. It was only yesterday that things got really bad, hence why I've now started making the necessary calls only to have had three different levels of concern from three different people. One; hardly bothered, second person; you need an ambulance, third person; yeah I think you're ok and it's a UTI. How exactly am I supposed to take that as I'm in early labour!?

OP posts:
dancingcamper · 09/06/2019 13:07

Did the ambulance person ask you all the same questions as 111?

As it can mean many things you are far better off getting it checked out properly. Don't ignore serious pain during pregnancy.

femfemlicious · 09/06/2019 13:11

You really should have gone to the hospital yesterday. Do you have any family near nearby. If they don't take you in I think you should go to a family or friends house to stay overnight. You need a fucking break honestly.

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 09/06/2019 13:11

The midwife at the triage, the woman on the phone at 111 and the woman calling from the ambulance all asked me exactly the same questions, and only the woman who, in her own words 'isn't a medical professional' from 111 seemed to be concerned. So it's difficult for me to think that this is something more serious than UTI given that both a midwife and a woman in charge of the ambulance weren't bothered..

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 09/06/2019 13:13

Look, it’s a shame that you are getting a bit of a kicking about this. People are pointing their irritation in the wrong direction.

What does your husband reckon? Has he bothered to ask how you are?

iMatter · 09/06/2019 13:14

I had a UTI when I was pregnant with ds2 but I didn't realise what it was and thought it was normal pg niggles.

It got so bad it aggravated my womb and caused a haemorrhage and premature labour at 34 weeks.

Get yourself checked out.

MitziK · 09/06/2019 13:15

Don't forget the 111 doctor was very concerned.

They count as a medical professional.

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 09/06/2019 13:17

@MitziK she literally said herself that she isn't a medical professional and she was just erring on the side of caution when I asked her why she thought an ambulance was necessary...

OP posts:
dancingcamper · 09/06/2019 13:18

Okay that's good it was the same questions, Hope it all gets sorted soon.

And like other's said, make yourself the priority a bit more so your husband has to step up.

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 09/06/2019 13:21

@iMatter I want to get myself checked and tested for a UTI as I'm about 98% sure that's what's going on. But I need to wait to hear back from 111 after the woman from the ambulance has called them, then I presume an appt will be arranged for me to head in and get my urine checked which is what the woman from the ante natal triage originally wanted.
Just feel like I'm going round the houses atm!!!

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 09/06/2019 13:22

Well it’s good it’s nothing like yesterday. But please be aware that you need to take care of yourself. Your partner is a dick. Has he a mum you can call and say you need help?

jpclarke · 09/06/2019 13:32

You need to mind yourself and try and get some rest your dh has to step up to the mark they are his children too and it is his house to keep clean.

HelloYouTwo · 09/06/2019 13:44

What did your DH say when you told him they were sending an ambulance? Is he the slightest bit concerned about you?

Peridot1 · 09/06/2019 13:46

Can you just go to the OOH place yourself.

I get UTIs so often pop in to pharmacy and get a sample pot, nip home and do sample and then just drop in to the doctors.

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 09/06/2019 14:23

Finally received a call back from 111 with an appt booked for 2:30 today at the out of hours up the hospital!
I peed before I left, then 30 seconds up the road I immediately felt like I needed to go again. Got to the hospital within 10 minutes, Went to take a urine sample and get it ready for when the doctor sees me and only a minute trickle come out. Still feel like I need to go!

Waiting to be seen now and I'll be bloody shocked if I don't have a UTI of some description!

OP posts:
MitziK · 09/06/2019 14:27

the woman put me on hold whilst she spoke to a doctor and they're sending an ambulance out

@Dude, are you always quite so 'singleminded'? To the extent of denying a doctor has said they aren't happy?

I really hope you don't have a Group B Strep infection ascending. It's a potential cause of premature labour and stillbirth/neonatal death. I hope you don't have something like Klebsiella, which can be awful for babies. And I really hope that you aren't about to have a premature rupture of the membranes or go into labour.

You are describing symptoms - cramping, diarrhoea, pain - that are just as much symptoms of labour as they are a UTI. If, God forbid, you are, it will not be any consolation to say 'well, I did the vacuuming'. And if he's ignoring you when you are in pain (very likely because you're apparently still capable of moving and doing the sodding vacuuming and a million other things), he's not going to turn around and say 'I'm so sorry, I was wrong' if that does turn out to be the case. He's going to ignore you.

Stop talking it down. He's being a dick, yes. But so are you if you are refusing to listen to anybody who doesn't agree with your opinion of your symptoms and for good reason says that they are consistent with something potentially life threatening to either yourself or your baby. If you're deliberately talking it down to the midwife and ambulance personnel, they're more likely to agree with you, especially if you're saying things like 'it's not that bad now', 'it's nothing like yesterday', etc.

Nobody here is psychic. But a fuckton have experienced late pregnancy losses or premature labours.

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 09/06/2019 14:32

But it really isn't anything like it was yesterday! If I felt as bad as I did yesterday, I would say so. I'm not going to say I feel 100% back to normal, but in comparison, I am so, so much better.

Had I still been feeling utterly awful, then I too would be panicking. But right now, all I have is a slight dull back ache, the constant urge to pee and maybe 2 or 3 little cramps since 7am.

OP posts:
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