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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be pissed off over this...

171 replies

DudeHesRaggingOnYourCord · 08/06/2019 18:16

Genuinely unsure whether I’m being unreasonable to be pissed off about this, or if hormones are just being annoying little shits at the moment.. so thought I’d put it to the lovely people of MN to be my deciders!

Currently 27 weeks pregnant with DC3, and have had horrible cramps for about 4-5 days now, some days the cramps have coincided with diarrhoea (sorry tmi), but not often. I’ve been telling DH all week that I’ve been struggling with on/off tummy troubles, so he is aware of how long this has been going on for.

This morning, I woke up in absolute agony. The pressure in my lower back/top of my arse is immense, the intermittent cramping has seriously ramped up and even walking at a slow place is hurting me. Still though, I got up, went food shopping while DH stayed home with the DC’s, feeling incredibly faint the whole way round the supermarket. Got home, unpacked the shopping, hoovered the front room and packed away toys.. then DH took eldest DC out for an hour whilst I wriggled and squirmed on the sofa trying desperately to find a position that didn’t irritate my back further - it’s worth adding that he didn’t disappear with DC1 to give me a break, DC2 was still at home with me and the only reason he went out was because DC wouldn’t stop pestering him to go outside, otherwise he would’ve quite happily and easily not moved from the sofa all day.

Once they got back, I tidied/cleared up in the DC’s bedrooms, emptied bins, cleared the sides in the kitchen, put a wash on before finally feeling like things were getting too much pain wise, and crawled on to the sofa and laid hunched over in agony. I asked DH if he knew if we had any painkillers laying around that were safe for me to take, to which he responded that we don’t have any left... now here, I was half expecting him to ask me if I wanted him to pop out and grab some, seeing as how uncomfortable I clearly was.. but nope. He just continued sitting on the sofa, staring at his phone.

I gave up trying to get myself comfortable in the front room after a while, so got on to our bed and laid there for about half hour, hoping stretching out would do me some good.. it didn’t. 5pm was drawing closer and DH hadn’t started to make any dinner for us or the DC’s, the washing was finished in the machine and ready to be hung out, the sink was still full of dishes from the day before, just nothing being done whatsoever.

Noticing the time, I got up, put DC’s dinner in the oven, did the washing up and told DH I was going to the shop to grab some paracetamol. I mentioned it would’ve been nice for him to have acknowledged how much pain I’m in, and for him to have dealt with the kitchen/laundry/dinners today and perhaps offered to grab some painkillers for me (we have a million and one shops all within a 2 minute walk of our house). He said nothing again, just kept playing on his phone.

Once I was back from the shops, I started unloading the washing machine, folding up the dry stuff that was on the drier, and hanging out the wet washing. DH came out to the kitchen to grab the DC’s food, and didn’t even bother to ask me if I’d like him to take over with the washing, or offer to make our dinner so I didn’t have to do it.

Aibu to think that, particularly whilst pregnant, if someone says that they’re in a great deal pain, you don’t just sit on your arse and watch them struggle whilst they do everything, not offering to lighten their load or telling them to just sit down and rest?

(Ps: Regarding the pain, I have contacted my MW and while she’s yet to get back to me, I’m starting to suspect it could be a UTI, so if I’m still in pain tomorrow morning, I’ll head to MAU to get checked out!)

OP posts:
PQ77 · 08/06/2019 18:53

You've done about ten times more chores than me today, I feel tired reading what you've done and I'm not even pregnant nor in pain.

And as the mother of two ex-prem babies I would be laid up in bed or on a couch with my feed up and not moving an inch.

Your husband sounds useless - stop doing all these chores like a martyr.

Geminijes · 08/06/2019 18:53

I don't buy in to the whole 'men don't realise these things need doing and need the woman to remind them', I call bullshit as im sure he'd wash his own stuff up and make himself dinner if he lived alone.

He probably would but as he lives with you and you're doing it all then he will carry on letting you do it all so the only way for him to do things is for you to remind him.

If you're not prepared to remind him then be prepared to do it all yourself.

LagunaBubbles · 08/06/2019 18:53

Why on earth are you doing everything?? Is this normal behaviour for him? You don't sound much of a team really, I couldnt be married to someone like that.

AllyBamma · 08/06/2019 18:53

I think you are both BU
Him: for not taking the initiative to help when you’re pregnant and in pain
You: for being a martyr

Fundays12 · 08/06/2019 18:53

Your husband is being a twat but you need to tell him he has to help end off.

Most importantly please get checked tonight. I am 33 weeks pregnant and ended up in hospital for 3 days with a urine infection that went into my kidneys about 3 weeks ago. I passed out on the doctors and was having minor contractions. You need to call in and see someone ASAP as a bad urine infection can bring on early labour.

oneforthepain · 08/06/2019 18:54

he's huffed and puffed over the washing up not having been done all day, he's completely and utterly aware that these things need doing

He always been like this?

PurpleDaisies · 08/06/2019 18:54

i shouldn't have to spell it out to a fully grown man that dinner needs to be made and washing needs to be put out.

I agree, but rather than telling him to get on you’ve stayed angry with him and in pain.

Mitzimaybe · 08/06/2019 18:56

I agree that he shouldn't need telling. But you shouldn't do everything yourself just because he isn't doing it. Just leave it. That's why you're being called a martyr - because you're doing it yourself.

What do you mean he's been huffing and puffing about the washing up not being done? Do you mean he's complaining that you haven't done it? Fuck that for a game of soldiers! His pregnant wife is in a lot of pain and he just sits on his backside all day apart from taking just one of the DC out for a bit?

He needs a rocket up his backside. You need checking out as you shouldn't be in this much pain.

Kel801 · 08/06/2019 18:56

More fool you for doing it

Ated · 08/06/2019 18:58

Tell him to get on with it or get out. When he's not looking put his phone in the washing machine on full load at the full hot wash.

MiniMum97 · 08/06/2019 18:59

Why should she have to tell him? Why are the chores her responsibility? Is she his manager? Why can't he see with his perfectly good functioning eyes that his wife is unwell and chores need doing!?!

steppemum · 08/06/2019 19:03

she shouldn't have to do it, but the point is, that when he didn;t do it, she then stepped in and did it, instead of leaving him to it.
No way would I have done those chores when in pain

I would have gone upstairs and shut the door and let him deal with kids etc

ElizaPancakes · 08/06/2019 19:03

I 100% agree with you on your second post, but in your place I would have gone ballistic well before now. You should have just told him this morning you were in too much pain to do the shop so he would have to do it, and he’s also have to take the kids because you were going back to bed. Then just act like him and do nothing.

ShesABelter · 08/06/2019 19:08

Fully appreciate he shouldn't of had to be told..but he was clearly being a selfish arsehole sticking his head in the sand..playing on his phone hoping you'd deal with it.

Honestly I'd of said to him get your finger out the dinner needs made for us all, dishes need done and washing up done
. I'm in agony I'm going to lay down you are in charge. Then I'd go call the mau. Bugger wanting till tomorrow if you are in this much pain and also if it's a uti it's better getting it treated asap it's not good for you or the baby you having an infection.

PeoniesarePink · 08/06/2019 19:10

My honest answer is more fool you.

You're doing no one any favours especially yourself.

I'd have gone to bed and left him to it.

Hope you feel better soon Flowers

MorondelaFrontera · 08/06/2019 19:11

Has he always been like that even before you had children?!

Regardless, it doesn't matter what is right or not. Your problem is now, why can't you tell him you are in agony and this and that needs done. It doesn't matter if he should see it, do tell him to!

Couldn't you even ask him to go to the chemist for you? Shock

Stick to online shopping as well, that will give you a bit of a relief.

Justaboy · 08/06/2019 19:12

If it were me and you were my woman i'd have had a doctor to see you or had you up the hospital long before now!.

Never mind faffing around with paracetamol an the like!.

BumbleBeee69 · 08/06/2019 19:17

Why are you doing it all? Of course he is going to just sit on his lazy behind, because you will apparently run around doing everything without so much as a word.

This, and I agree you should go get checked out lady Flowers

Whisky2014 · 08/06/2019 19:19

You are only for doing it. Martyr indeed.

When You realised the dinner wasn't started for the kids why not say "hope you're not forgetting the kids dinner?" And leave it to him to sort and go back to bed.

AuntieMaggie · 08/06/2019 19:20

I agree that you shouldn't need to tell him but I think that's a conversation for another time. I think you need to get yourself checked out so please contact whatever emergency numbers you've been given.

BottleOfJameson · 08/06/2019 19:22

You need to stop waiting for him to offer (yes he should have offered). Tomorrow tell him you're in pain and staying in bed or the bath all day. He'll need to take the kids out, make dinner and do the washing up.

AllFourOfThem · 08/06/2019 19:25

YANBU but I also would have made it very clear he needed to do everything to give me a rest.

Can you pop up to your local hospital assessment centre for a check? They can test your urine straightaway for you as well.

Pinkvoid · 08/06/2019 19:28

You should get checked out ASAP, a lot of those symptoms can signify labour. I’m sure you’re fine but you can never be too careful. Fuck the housework, go make sure you and your baby are ok OP.

He does sound like a selfish arsehole though fwiw. You should’ve asked him to get you some painkillers and also to go to the shops and help with the cleaning. He sounds lazy and immature.

LadySainsburySeal · 08/06/2019 19:28

The chores don't matter. You're pregnant and in pain, YOU and your baby come first.

Please get yourself checked out, hopefully it's nothing untoward but far far better to check.

supersop60 · 08/06/2019 19:30

He's a knob, and you need to stop doing stuff. TELL him to go and get you some painkillers, and go to bed.

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