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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Yesterday I saw my school bully

128 replies

Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/06/2019 13:07

At a funeral, he was a nasty little arsehole at school. I took an overdose over the constant shit he gave me. I always imagined meeting him and being as cool as a cucumber and pretend i didn’t even know who he was.

I was a nervous wreck, I was sweating, shaking I felt sick. I’m 43 years old this happened when I was 15.

Now I’m out of there there are a thousand things I wish I had said. I feel like a fucking idiot.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/06/2019 13:07

Oh thought this was chat!

OP posts:
Moneybegreen · 08/06/2019 13:22

I saw a photo of mine on FB last week, apparently a friend of a friend.

She looked about 15 years older than her age, absolutely rough as arseholes and is apparently in court for DUI. Can't help but feel glad her life has turned to shit. I spent 5 years in fear every day.

Dippypippy1980 · 08/06/2019 13:28

Mine worked for me for a while😬 she pretended she didn’t know me and I pretended I didn’t remember her.

Wasn’t very satisfying - she was quite junior in my team so our paths didn’t cross often. She left after a few months.

I had all sorts of revenge fantasies none of which played out.

VampirateQueen · 08/06/2019 13:32

Mine came into the shop I work in and had no idea who I was. She turned to her friend (who went to the same school but was actually nice) and said "oh I don't have my ID" her friend said "That's Vampirate, she was at school with us, she knows how old we are." She just shut up and bought her alcohol, never even acknowledged her friends comment, let alone me.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 08/06/2019 13:39

I think so many people underestimate the effect being bullied at school can have long term.
Don't feel like an idiot. I hope you are in a happier place now .

Owlish · 08/06/2019 13:45

One of mine sent me a friend request on Facebook. I blocked the bitch. I also found another one was following me on Facebook, before I realised anyone could do that if your settings allowed it. I changed my settings and blocked that bitch too.

isseywithcats · 08/06/2019 14:23

i personally didnt see my bully at school after we left school but my mom got my revenge for me, she was a supervisor at woolworths and this person got a saturday job at woolworths so my mom gave him all the grotty boring jobs she could think of and when he moaned to her she said this is for making my daughters life hell at school he didnt stay at woolies for long

tympanic · 08/06/2019 14:26

You’re not an idiot, OP. What did the bully actually do? Do you think he is an actual psychopath, because that could explain why you reacted the way you have.

The bitch who bullied me at school (friend turned excluding mean girl... the standard type of bully) recently reappeared in my life due to various circumstances beyond my control and I couldn’t care less. She’s made a few weird attempts to reconnect, possibly given her life is pretty shit now. I have no ill will, no joy over her unhappiness, but no interest either. Ran into her in person and barely noticed her.

However, a psychopathic bully I got well rid of 10 years ago tried to reconnect recently also and I had a strong physical reaction of revulsion. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I was hit by sudden nausea. And this was just from a message online.

I suspect it’s quite normal to react like this around those who have proven their psychopathy as a defence mechanism to avoid, avoid, avoid. So it’s actually better you didn’t say anything. Just be happy you’re rid of the fucker.

Thatsashame · 08/06/2019 14:41

I just looked mine up and found my mum who i am no contact with has liked and commented on every photo this girl made school hell for 8 years

tympanic · 08/06/2019 14:48

@Thatsashame That must feel like a kick in the guts. Flowers

REDCARBLUE · 08/06/2019 14:56

I was at a course yrs ago and in walked my schoolbully (one of them) and the course leader said “oh you must know “schoolbully!” And out came the words...... “of course I do! She bulled me for years.”

And then came the silence 😂😂😂

feathermucker · 08/06/2019 15:00

I often have fantasies about messaging one of mine and telling him how utterly shit he made me feel but whether I'd actually do it is another matter.

Has had a massive effect on my life and how I interact with people.

Siameasy · 08/06/2019 15:05

A work bully - this absolute cow who hated all females bullied several of us. She was HR manager at the time. This was in retail. Several years later I went into the store and she had been demoted to working on the till. 😂

Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 08/06/2019 15:06

He did loads of things. Used to start rumours about me, called me fat, called me spotty, said I smelt. The thing that pushed me over the edge was that he drew up a petition of people that hated me and wanted me dead and faked a load of signatures on it.

OP posts:
Lipz · 08/06/2019 15:07

You poor thing, there is nothing worse, it never leaves you. I had seen a group of women out one night, the same group form school, I actually ended up walking a longer way so as not to walk past them, my heart was racing when I saw them.

TheHammock · 08/06/2019 15:11

I was never bullied at school but in the work place I"ve been subjected to so much crap and I cannot imagine having been put through this at a vulnerable age.

There was a woman at my work who manipulated the social dynamics around me like a twisted little maestra to leave me excluded. Her prerogative not to like me but she washing all the time pushing water uphill to make sure nobody else got to know me. She would create little huddles. Talk very quietly to people if I was around to make me feel I'd be intruding. She had a million little ways of making sure I was excluded. And one day when I got a bit obsessed I was looking her up on LinkedIn and she was involved with an anti-bullying charity for children Shock Shock I was like whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat! Obviously I was stalking her on LinkedIn so I just had to digest that incongruity in private!

TheHammock · 08/06/2019 15:12

''He did loads of things. Used to start rumours about me, called me fat, called me spotty, said I smelt. The thing that pushed me over the edge was that he drew up a petition of people that hated me and wanted me dead and faked a load of signatures on it.''

Omg that is horrendous. What possesses people to be such arseholds.

AguerosAngel · 08/06/2019 15:18

My school bully was an absolute cow to me for 5 years, made my life a complete misery.

I bumped into another old school friend last week who told me that my bully has had a largely shit life since school, prison, drugs, violence (her to other people) the list is endless.

I realise that it probably makes me as bad S her to be pleased that her life is in the toilet but I can’t help it.

I’m glad, really glad. Long may it continue.

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 08/06/2019 15:26

My bully was vile as an adult and went to prison for gbh. She came out and was a drugged up alcoholic for a few years then got breast cancer and died.

I feel sorry for her children but nothing for her - relief maybe that I'll never see her and react as you did and be a nervous wreck. Her lead lackey contacted me on facebook asking for donations for the funeral. I didn't respond. I think we are all supposed to forgive her because she'd dead now.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/06/2019 15:29

Oooh! That is shit! I have had a simialr experience, luckily she didn't see me and I slunk out and went home, pretended I was ill. I spent a week reheasring short sentences in my head.

The following week I went back, had no real choice it was a work thing. I made sure she saw me and waited for her to come to me. She delivered a line I had rehearesed an answer to, so I took my opportunity:

School Bully: Oh hi Samphire. I hardly recognised you, you have changed so much
Me: Well you haven't, unfortunately!

Turns out she was running the training we were on, she wasn't very good and I always wondered if that was my fault. I like to think it was. I knw, childish and shouldn't have been an issue after 3 decades. But hey! I am but human, and she was a complete bitch Smile

Shitsngiggles79 · 08/06/2019 15:29

My bully made my life hell through primary and high school, karma has delt her a hard hand personally from what I've seen via my job in the community, she's sent a few friend requests to me but that kind of torture sticks and I've finally blocked her. The last one sent me over the edge as I've been suffering with anxiety recently, that request gave me a panic attack but also gave me the courage to address it at the docs.
Don't feel bad for your reaction, these things impact for a very long time, in my case over 25 years.

wheresmymojo · 08/06/2019 15:31

I think you have to remember that they were children at the time....they quite possibly had stuff going on at home that made them act the way they did.

I was 'picked on' - I probably wouldn't go as far as saying bullying but the people who picked on me all seem pretty normal people now.

They were just teenagers/kids with shit going on at home and not mature enough to know how to deal with it beyond taking it out on other people.

Some will grow up to be adult arseholes, some will grow up to be perfectly nice people.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/06/2019 15:31

Gosh that’s terrible. Mine spread rumours I had been spotted at the VD clinic - in the location of the family planning clinic. I even called the FP clinic and the woman on the phone was very confused as the clinic was at the hospital. Other rumours that the biggest, tallest, strongest girl at school wanted to beat me up (untrue). She and her entourage would sometimes follow me home from school throwing live cigarette butts at me and shouting abuse if I hadn’t managed to avoid them, occasionally they managed to corner me in the corridor and jostle me around.

It’s ok. I’d be the same if I saw her. Actually I did see her friend a few years ago, who was the reason for bullying me in the first place - I stole her boyfriend. Except I didn’t know he was her boyfriend - he wasn’t. He perhaps kissed or shagged her idk. He was a man, 10 years older than us, who was living with his pregnant girlfriend and tried to bed me (didn’t) and we were school children. I saw him a few times until he became unreliable and I discovered the set up.

Her friend ironically is working with children in a social work type job. The bully has moved away as have I but I don’t think she did very well for herself.

SachaStark · 08/06/2019 15:35

I get a lot of satisfaction when I see that the girls who bullied me didn’t end up in their flashy, famous jobs they thought they were going to get (singer, actress, etc), but instead have really lame jobs in crappy local establishments, and have kids really early, probably because they are so bored in life.

And I understand that the things I’ve just written are horrible. But they made my life difficult for years, so I’m glad theirs hasn’t lived up to their teenager expectations and boasting.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/06/2019 15:37

I think you have to remember that they were children at the time So were their victims! Some of us had a lot of shit going on at home too. I canhonestly say I have never bulied anyone! So no, I won't bury how they changed my life and pretend it was all just a passing phase.

For me it was not, it took years to get the fear of social situations under control, to believe I was/am a worthwhile person. And I didn't destory anyone elses sens of self to do so!

That's why bullying needs to be identified and dealt with every time it occurs!