Yesterday I saw my school bully

[Rowenaravenclawsdiadem]

At a funeral, he was a nasty little arsehole at school. I took an overdose over the constant shit he gave me. I always imagined meeting him and being as cool as a cucumber and pretend i didn’t even know who he was.

I was a nervous wreck, I was sweating, shaking I felt sick. I’m 43 years old this happened when I was 15.

Now I’m out of there there are a thousand things I wish I had said. I feel like a fucking idiot.

I'm just waiting for someone to come on here and admit they were the school bully

It might happen. We've had the obligatory 'they were only kids' apologist already

No one ever thinks they are the bully. It was just a joke

It might happen. We've had the obligatory 'they were only kids' apologist already

Yeah they were probably the bullies themselves. We were all kids so I hardly think that’s an excuse.

Yeah they were probably the bullies themselves. We were all kids so I hardly think that’s an excuse.

That is ridiculous. I was picked on at school quite a bit (overweight and too studious) but I would always say that a lot of children who bully/behave badly at school have terrible things going on in their lives and may turn out to be perfectly normal decent people as adults.

hat does not mean I am an apologist for bullies, some of them carry on being awful all their lives and they should definitely face some consequences for their bullying either way.

I am realistic enough to know that some bullies are nasty psychopathic arseholes and quite a few are just about maintaining their position as 'top dog' but I think there are also a lot of 'I am miserable so will make myself feel better by lashing out at someone else' type of bully.

The latter has some chance to turn their life around and become a better person. Some people do this and others don't. To say that all childhood/teenage bullies without exception will become terrible adults that is absolutist thinking that leads to a lot of misery and unhappiness, often for the person who was bullied.

Adult bullies are another matter, though I think even some of them can change but the proportion is much much smaller than for children/teens who bully.

Has RInder been given the powers to jail people?

Nobody deserves to be raped for god's sake!

I wouldn't be sympathetic to the rapist or a paedophile.

What on earth is wrong with being a redhead?

Red hair is gorgeous! I envy

rinder was reporting on the case and how she was eventually caught.

That is ridiculous. I was picked on at school quite a bit (overweight and too studious) but I would always say that a lot of children who bully/behave badly at school have terrible things going on in their lives and may turn out to be perfectly normal decent people as adults*

Again how’s that an excuse? I had a shitty home life with a toxic, abusive mother. I would have never have bullied someone weaker than me as a result of that.

There was a thread on here recently from a former bully who wanted to apologise to her victims. The consensus from other posters seemed to be that she wanted to apologise to assuage her own guilt, and that she should leave her victim be. She was genuinely remorseful but there was an element of it being all about her.

My friendship group at school was absolutely vile. They were the mean girls but I stuck by them because I didn't have anyone else. I wasn't actually mean to anyone, but I also didn't do anything to stop it through fear of them turning on me, which of course happened. One girl in particular didn't like me so would do her best to get me excluded from the group. She often made fun of my weight, but she was actually bigger than me. She knew it was a sensitive spot for me so exploited it.

When we were 18/19 I saw her in a nightclub. She did apologise to me, which I appreciated.

We are Facebook friends and we interact occasionally. I do feel a tiny bit of satisfaction that she is, and has always been, unhappily single.

I work with someone who was bullied at school. The final straw came when the bully deliberately stood on my colleagues highly polished brogues during a woodwork lesson. The immediate and forceful application of a wooden mallet on the bullys hand (which was resting on a bench) ceased the bullying. My colleague reminded this person when he popped up on Facebook as a 'friend' and asked him if he was still the same. needless to say the invite was rejected

I wasn't bullied at school, but was sexually assaulted by a boy who I had known since primary school and went to secondary school with. I have not gone to a single school reunion, I cannot stomach the thought of being anywhere near him.

I am home effing my dd as a result of her being bullied at school.
The fall out associated with bullying is horrendous.
I don't know how long it will take for her to get back to her old self if indeed she ever will.
I often dream of revenge plans

@wheresmymojo even if you hadn't said you'd never been bullied I'd be able to tell from your comment. If you'd had years of being scared to step through the school gates, terrified to even go the toilet in case they're in there, then I'm sure you would understand. Adults are still suffering the side effects of bullying they received as children, so why should bullies be forgiven just because they've aged.

ChocChocButtons
My friends son is being bullied really badly but she wouldn’t rejoice over the bullies death.

How do you know?

Chances are she wouldn't tell you if she did, but keep the "oh thank god now my son is safe from that horrible person" inside her head.

My brother was the school bully. I made sure I went to a different secondary school to him as I am 3 years younger & it was embarrassing to be related to him. He didn’t have a terrible home life he just had a bombastic bullying personality. He is still exactly the same 50 years on.

You're not an idiot at all you are just above the lowly creature x

My two worst bullies apologised to me in adulthood for what they did to me in primary - both separately and years apart. In both cases the apology was sincere and both of them had reasons for lashing out at someone smaller than them at the time.

I appreciated the apologies and it allowed me to make peace with the fact it wasn't my fault. One of them is a primary school teacher and is now one of the nicest people I know. She also is highly vigilant on any hint of bullying in her own pupils. I think she's always going to feel guilty but she's putting that guilt to good use.

The other one left the country as soon as Uni was over and we've lost touch, but our mums still occasionally bump into each other and I know she's always asking for me.

I had a bully in secondary for a few months and after a particularly nasty lunch hour I lashed out and gave her a bloody nose. She actually came up to me a week later and said she deserved it and apologised in front of her friends and mine.

I took on a maternity cover role for 9 months. After that period was over and the post holder returned, they kept me on as they were reorganising anyway so there was a position for me. I realised how the post holder may have felt, so I moved desks, made sure her desk was spotless and bought her some new stationery. When she returned I didn’t stand on her toes, tried to be friendly and she was an absolute cow to me. She would often belittle me, point out my mistakes loudly and get me in trouble for things i hadn’t done. I went home in tears often. She also somehow managed to rally everyone around her - I could tell people were uncomfortable with how she treated me, but they went along with it anyway.

When I found another job, in my exit interview she wanted me to say i was leaving because of another colleague (she had almost explicitly told me so, and she was trying to get rid of him). He wasn’t competent at his job and did make life difficult but I sang his praises (I was not going to let her use me to make her life easier).

Think it turned out that the organisation ended up taking a massive dump on her and she ended up in a role she wasn’t happy with. I would love her to know how she made me feel, but I suspect she did know all along.

I was bullied in primary and secondary school and it was 5 years of hell in secondary school as the majority of my class made me feel like the size of an ant all because I had a slight skin condition on my hands. The nasty cow who instigated it all would treat me like I was diseased! If I used a pen or some scissors she would tell everyone "don't use them Lucifer just touched them". After year 7 she moved classes sharpish when she had a falling out with the class hard nut (who was one of the few kids in class that didn't bully me) she was terrified of going to lessons and got removed from classes. Anyway she continued to treat me like a nobody until she discovered who my cousin was (my cousin was massively popular) she soon started being nice until she realised I wouldn't be putting in a nice word for her which she had the cheek to ask me to do! She reverted to a bitch when I didn't and pushed me too far and I snapped and offered her a fight to deal with her problem with me and she absolutely shit herself 😂

Another bully was a former boss of mine an absolute bitch troll from hell who drove me to a nervous breakdown with her behaviour towards me. Whilst I don't wish my school bullies no ill will (they all ended up unemployed or in dead end jobs) but the former boss I have to say after her behaviour towards me caused serious MH issues and whilst I don't wish bad things on people, I have to say I would dance on her grave if she died tomorrow absolute vile woman I've never come across someone filled with so much hate towards people you could feel it coming off her in ways and how she enjoyed it with her little smirks after upsetting me to the point of tears

My school bully has been to prison and now has a child with a severe health condition. I don’t think the child will live to adulthood and is very noticeably “different” to other children. Difference was not a trait he coped with well when he was younger, in hindsight it was a trigger point with him. I take no joy from his child’s ill health, cunt though he was.

The “mean girls” have all grown up to live the gilded lives my mum assured me they would not (can’t always be right I suppose), that sticks in my throat a bit. I choose to believe they’re not the same people now. I know I have changed.

I didn’t realise this thread was still running. Thanks all for your kind words. Since seeing him a few things have happened. I keep remembering things that he did to me things that I had kind of forgotten about.
For example once in class the teacher asked a question and I put up my hand and I heard him say ‘don’t ask Rowena miss she is a fucking bitch’
He asked me once why I smelt, why I was fat and why I had such bad skin.
I didn’t, but since then I have been overly self conscious of taking up space and being in the way.
I seem to remember bad things people say about me and dwell on what could be perceived as throw away comments.
I am incredibly insecure I just wish these fucking bullies realised the knock on effect it has. It doesn’t stop at school it follows you around.

Firstly, OP, major respect for surviving and Ten years of hell in my case and it marks your life. You sound like this chance encounter has really shaken you - what you went through was traumatic and seeing this douchebag again will have triggered all kinds of emotions - do you have a good friend or other person to talk to? This is in your past now. Your life is what you’ve made it here and now. You’re so much better than the bully.

I think the difference between childhood bullies and adult bullies is not that the former don’t understand that they’re being hurtful, spiteful etc but that they don’t understand the lasting damage their behaviour causes. Because they are too young to comprehend it fully.

Adult bullies on the other hand, absolutely do.