I have been reported to SS

[mooning123]

I have a DS with ASD and LDs. he is 10 but cognitively much younger well.

anyhow, we went out the other day and whilst I was getting something from the house and DS was waiting outside for a minute, a lady living down the street and her 7 yo DD pass by. for whatever reason, DS dropped his trousers to show his bum to them. he has never done anything before.

Said lady is also a HV and when she passed by today and saw me outside told me, she would (or already has) reported us to social services over safeguarding concerns re DS as he mooned at them and I am clearly unable to keep him safe.

DS is very well looked after. But with a child with SN, sometimes, you take your eyes off them for a moment or two (generally speaking, DS is always with an adult).

I am terrified what will now happen? anybody any insight?

Lol at 'curve his behaviour' freudian slip there.

but what would that be? we already talk about it at home, remind him in certain situations, school is aware of his 'unawareness' and has incorporated this into his IEP
I think they will check you are dealing with this, which you are, they'll more than likely leave it alone then.
There are some parents who wouldn't try? If anything it will be a check up.
I get it OP it's hard, especially when they are impulsive.

I would be concerned at a 10 year old , dropping his trousers to a younger girl - if he is prone to do things like this through SN etc he needs to be supervised. When do you say actually he’s 16 with SN and she is 7 etc ..... He needs to know his privates are that private!

In our LA this would probably not even meet the threshold for you to get a phone call, depending what she has said to them. If she has made it sound quite bad then MASH may decide an assessment is necessary, which will just involve a visit from a social worker who will talk over the referral with you. Their aim should be to identify any support your family needs, so use the opportunity to explain how high his needs are and how flat out it is, explain all the ways you keep him safe and how hard it is on your family. Worst case they establish you are doing a great job and leave you to it. Best case they establish you are doing a great job and they offer some extra support.

Not sure if this has been covered, but it is possible that any concern might not be about him flashing in front of her DD, but that a child without age appropriate boundaries is potentially at risk from others if unsupervised.

I think this was the concern. You worded it better than me

I don't leave DS alone generally. but I have moments when I don't look (e.g. just nipping back inside for a moment), unloading the car. dealing with DD (7 years old). I don't have 8 arms and hands and I don't have eyes in my back. the only other option would be to not leave the house anymore at all other than taking DS to school. I couldn't live like that and I couldn't do this to my children either.

but maybe this is expected of me. I don't know. maybe I really should not go out with DS anymore if I cannot 100% guarantee that I am focussed on him at all times. Sometimes its different to judge for me what is reasonable and what is not. maybe the public's right to not being exposed to inappropriate behaviours by a child with SN tops our right to access the community even if it means that an unexpected and inappropriate behaviour occurs.

Forgetting your DS.
If this thread was reversed, from the DM with a 7 y.o DD.
We wouldn't be saying that's why 10 y.o boys do around here.
I would have knocked on your door ATT, not reported you.

I think it's possibly concerning in a NT child of that age depending in the context but pretty normal in one with ASD. I tell my own ds 'privates are private' umpteen times a day but he thinks it's a reference to a character in Penguins of Madagascar.

Difficult behaviour in an autistic child is often not a result of poor parenting. It's a result of the social and communication difficulties intrinsic to the condition. Those posters who work in special schools have already said such a thing would not raise an eyebrow where they work.

In fact a friend of mine was mortified that her NT high achieving 8 year old and his friends were called to the headteacher's office for similar behaviour in the classroom. No ss involvement. It was written off as 'boys being boys' which i wasn't too sure about as my dd is in the same class.

At any rate it was viewed more as an important lesson for them to learn from rather than any serious parental failing.

SS might do nothing. It might make a threshold meeting. Unless anything is exaggerated, regular occurrence, worse than it was ect, it wouldn't meet the threshold here. You may/may not get a phone call or visit to check up. Honestly though, there is limited support available. SS are stretched ridiculously thin with a high turnover of staff and limited funding. More than likely you'll be pointed in the direction of support that might be available for your sons needs and left to it.

Regarding the HV - yes, it is her duty to report child protection concerns, as it is everyone's. It's not about her job title. However going on the OP, it does seem vindictive.

That's so depressing OneFork.

Whereas OP might have them crawling up her arse with a microscope, causing her major stress, only for her to get the square root of fuck all by way of support at the end of it.

I hope the neighbour actually doesn't report in the event, or that the SS officer who deals with it exercises some common sense.

This woman seems to have had an over exaggerated sense of her own authority.

I don’t think so. She is obliged to report concerns. This clearly concerned her. There is nothing much else to discuss.

I think you're getting it wrong. There's no statutory to report mooning. If the hv had a genuine concern and was not just on a power trip she would have taken account of all the available evidence before making that referral. Including checking whether the the child had any diagnosis that might explain the behaviour. I have safeguarding training and the advice is certainly not 'report everything'. It's 'use your common sense'.

I would say “use your professional judgement” rather than common sense, but the result is the same.

Every professional has a safeguarding duty, but part of that duty is to use their own professional judgement.

If people reported every child who did a moonie, or every minor thing, social services would be even more overwhelmed than they are now.

Social services are not going to be interested in this, OP. Do not worry.

but maybe this is expected of me. I don't know. maybe I really should not go out with DS anymore if I cannot 100% guarantee that I am focussed on him at all times. Sometimes its different to judge for me what is reasonable and what is not. maybe the public's right to not being exposed to inappropriate behaviours by a child with SN tops our right to access the community even if it means that an unexpected and inappropriate behaviour occurs

Obviously a lot is expected of you as the parent of a 10 year old with SN. In some ways it must be like having a toddler for a longer period than other parents. And I sympathise. But SS have a responsibility to him, and to other children. If something isn’t doable for you they should help, but you can’t expect someone with statutory obligations not to report if they think something isn’t working.

I don't know. maybe I really should not go out with DS anymore if I cannot 100% guarantee that I am focussed on him at all times. Sometimes its different to judge for me what is reasonable and what is not. maybe the public's right to not being exposed to inappropriate behaviours by a child with SN tops our right to access the community even if it means that an unexpected and inappropriate behaviour occurs.

Please try not to let this happen. It's basically what I've done. I haven't heard from my sister or her adult kids since Christmas. I invite them all over and they eat my food, drink my drink and ask scrutinising questions about my son's quirks 'why is he doing that?', 'will he grow out of it?' etc. They aren't unkind but I feel like both he and I are judged.

We also don't go out much, because my son has a lot of challenging and occasionally aggressive behaviour. When you've got a kid who starts kicking the bus stop because the bus is late it tends to put you off going out somewhat.

But please don't isolate yourselves like I have. It's very, very lonely and I don't know how to stop it.

Please don't lock yourself away. Your a human being who needs five minutes to put things away. Your son has LD and is driven by impulse behaviour. My nephew also has LD and will think nothing of dropping his pants you have to catch him and say no pull them up. Shame on that woman as a mother and a health visitor for not coming and asking if everything is OK but making a judgement on your life. There is hardly any support for mums with children with LD. The last thing they need is some upity bitch reporting you because you physically can't live holding on to your son. If that was me I would have just made light of it with you because I understand that it is impulse behaviour. I have worked with adults with LD for years if you can't process that private parts are private thay is not your fault. He is just going by his nature. Doesn't mean it is anything untoward. If I was you I would contact her job and speak to her manager say how it has made you feel that the woman just reported you and used her status to intimidate you and maybe ring up social services ask to speak to someone about the incident just to put your mind at ease. You are doing an amazing job don't beat yourself up or listen to the idiots on here. After all it's just bloody body parts we shouldnt be so prudish about anatomy anyway.

Don't worry about it OP, you've more than enough on your plate at the moment. A SW who knows your position and dc will laugh at your neighbour. They've way more serious things to be dealing with than a 10 yr old who moons at people.

I think your neighbour did the right thing and i would have been tempted to do the same in her position. A boy flashing a young girl is not acceptable. SS would be right to investigate but i am sure nothing lasting will come of it and when they discover the extenuating circumstances perhaps youll get some help from them.

OP, I'm a social worker - if this came through our MASH it would probably get an eye roll from the duty worker, a call to the HV to check if this was the sole concern, a call to you to check the circs (in which you explain you're well aware of the supervision needs and that it was essentially an accident) and a request to call school and check if what you'd said added up (ie school know you do understand and care for your child's extra needs and that he's not routinely walking around by himself flashing at people)
In our authority it would be phone calls only and the referral closed within 48hrs. I can't say it will neccessarily be the same elsewhere, but even if say it went through to an assessment, i can't see this being anything more than one visit/written up no concerns/no safeguarding/no intervention needed, parent has it covered (eg with school support, like you said)

Those advocating respite - this referral doesn't change the fact that services for children with disabilities barely exist anymore. V unlikely the LA would have anything to offer the family.

The HV needs to separate her professional and her private life. A decent human being would have been neighbourly and offered neighbourly support.

I was reported to ss when dd presented to ss aged 17 having taken 11 antihistamine and a swig of benylin 48 hours before. She went to make sure she hadn't harmed herself and was being treated for anxiety, depression and self harm by a consultant psychiatrist because CAMHS had closed her case 8 months previously after offering an inadequate and inaccessible intervention that would have made her worse and after they refused to negotiate something better.

She arrived at hospital at 2pm and the hosputal reported at 4.15pm. They called me at 5.48 and when I arrived the doctor told me as a matter of routine they would admit for a CAMHS referral, report to ss in accordance with protocol. I then saw dd and had to speak to the dr again. He told me the report had veen made now with my permission. Permission was neither sought nor obtained. Indeed it was impossible to have obtained it as I had not been notified when the referral was made. It should not have been made without my knowledge.

A CAMHS referral was not needed and we left after a MH assessment was done by the MH Liaison nurse available to do it, saving an acute admission.

I was called the following week by a social worker with such a poor grasp of English I cd not understand him. He asked if we needed help but could not articulate what help might be. He also addressed me by surname and without a title. Case was closed in writing. I was made to feel like a miscreant by the system despite ensuring my dd had the best care money could buy when the state had refused any care or support.

Note everything in writing op and do not trust these organisations/types of people to do their best, be truthful or provide anything helpful.

I shall never trust another hcp ever again. My dd recovered because we had the financial means to put private care in place. All the system was concerned about was covering various backsides and coveringup their own opaque and incompetent practices.

Case was closed but the report has to stay on record hence staining the reputation of my family.

The system is an utter mess.

The HV needs to separate her professional and her private life

You’re seriously saying people should turn off their safeguarding knowledge when they leave work?

FGS, my neurotypical 8-year-old nephew once mooned me when he was overexcited during a family celebration. He was told to cut it out, and he knows perfectly well that it's not acceptable, but he was joking about what preteens find funny - arses, farts, etc.

Children are sexual beings, which people seem to forget. Of course they need to be taught that you don't do that, but it's not indicative of abuse or anything sinister.

That HV sounds like someone out of a Victorian orphanage.

A boy flashing a young girl is not acceptable.

Children do that, all the time. It's not the end of the world, and it's not proto-rape (and also works the other way round). In any case, it's for parents to intervene. Not Social Services, FFS.

Distancecall you say yourself though he knows it is not acceptable and often mooning is done as a joke or a prank
But here you have a 10 year old boy who is unaware that is is unacceptable behaviour

I think she was right to report it.
I think nothing will actually happen.

There is a lot of behaviour you see in kids with SN that if you don't know the child, could be concerning and indicate that there might be other issues going on. This neighbour presumably does not know you and your child well. So she is right to report any concerns she has. But you are keeping him safe and talking to him about what is appropriate, so nothing will happen. At most I suspect a phone call or quick visit to talk to you. But it might be that they just check you have not been reported to SS before, and on the basis you haven't, just ignore it.

She reported to A&E not SS. The CEO did apologise for the poor communication and poor standards of knowledge about options for MH assessment for over 16s and note the entire team should ensure advice was in future based on the best evidenced clinical standards. Likewise the Head of Children's Services apologised for the behaviour of the social worker but the report cannot be redacted.

Our experience highlights how vulnerable good, caring families are when dealing with state agencies who employ it seems spectacularly ill trained and power hungry twits.

distancecall You see I think if a 10 year old NT boy is doing this routinely, then I do think they are sexually harassing girls, and will continue to do so unless there is major intervention. A one-off I would not be worried about, but ongoing I would. I don't think it should be minimised.
Although this is not the situation the OP is on.