I have been reported to SS

[mooning123]

I have a DS with ASD and LDs. he is 10 but cognitively much younger well.

anyhow, we went out the other day and whilst I was getting something from the house and DS was waiting outside for a minute, a lady living down the street and her 7 yo DD pass by. for whatever reason, DS dropped his trousers to show his bum to them. he has never done anything before.

Said lady is also a HV and when she passed by today and saw me outside told me, she would (or already has) reported us to social services over safeguarding concerns re DS as he mooned at them and I am clearly unable to keep him safe.

DS is very well looked after. But with a child with SN, sometimes, you take your eyes off them for a moment or two (generally speaking, DS is always with an adult).

I am terrified what will now happen? anybody any insight?

Massive overreaction and I wouldn’t worry too much, I’m sure SS will realise there’s nothing amiss and dismiss you straight away. Obviously still a huge shock for you and stress I’m sure you don’t need.

She sounds like a jobsworth. A jobsworth health visitor, no way!

This could have happened while you were stood with him - it's nothing to do with supervision. She sounds completely ignorant about autism. I'd have thought absolutely nothing negative about this. There's nothing sexual about a ten year old's bottom, and there's no suggestion here that he made any sort of sexual gestures - so no safeguarding concern in that respect. I have a ds with non-verbal autism. None of us are watching our kids every second of the day. If the social services suggest you should be (which I'm sure they won't), then use it to press them for direct payments for carers etc. If they think that you shouldn't piss while he's awake, then they'll need to pay for someone to supervise him so that you can fucking stay alive.

Children do that, all the time

No they don't

Some 10 year old NT boys do. IME the kind with parents who think boys will be boys. And the kind who will be sexually harassing girls.
This does not apply to the OP. But some mums still see 10 year old NT boys as tiny children or "babies", rather than boys perfectly capable of making lewd sexual comments to girls their age and grabbing the developing breasts of girls their age.

hipposarerad Same here lovey - am moving back to the North West (Tameside) soon, do PM me if by any miracle that is near you In the meantime have a virtual hug x

To all on here who know stuff(!)
Is there anyone who has self-referred for additional support (eg help getting your child into school in the morning when school-refusing/anxious) who has had success?
Anyone in SS - Aside from monitoring, what practical help or services can you offer/can a parent ask for?

many thanks in advance x
OP I am very sorry this has happened to you. I would feel doubly hurt/attacked that someone who knew me/my other child would have done this. On the plus side, I can scrap that woman's DD off a playate list as clearly I am not capable of hosing one safely, eh?
Best wishes to you and yours, hoping it all comes out in the wash.

hosting, even

Some 10 year old NT boys do
Possibly when with their pals on a bus, surely not at a mother with her young 7 y.o daughter.
I think if an NT boy mooned flashed a child and their mother he would need serious help.
I know your circumstances are different OP.
Don't hide away, keep doing what your doing, it is hard work, use string bottoms for the moment even you need to untie them for the bathroom.

The woman had little choice, she has to report, even outside work. Think on that MNers, when you next read the government/lobbyists wanting it to be law that all teachers etc MUST BY LAW report each and every 'concerning' incident or be prosecuted...

I wouldn't consider a 10 year old mooning to be a concerning incident.

She had concerns, she reported them. That’s the right thing to do.

A nosey biddy with a high opinion of herself. I'd be tempted to have concerns about the potential use of her house by drug dealers, I can be as petty as she can. If her daughter is oh-so sensitive then keep her indoors, certainly keep her away from the beach. Poor child, she has a very poor mother.

A nosey biddy with a high opinion of herself. I'd be tempted to have concerns about the potential use of her house by drug dealers

Pathetic

I already asked sorry if I missed the answer. Did he expose his front before he turned to moon, or was his back to the lady and child when he started to moon.
I know he has SEN, it is the reason.
I can't understand the anger towards the DM, I would be pissed off, as I said I wouldn't report but I would knock on the door to discuss.
Was it just his butt on show?
It is her profession to flag issues.

LadyRannaldini Seriously

Yes they do, Fibbke. He's a child showing his bum, that's all. He didn't show her his genitals, and he's 10, not 15. Get a grip.

I really could keep SS busy reporting on what I have seen.

I have had Dd in the car as well

It is laughable.

When did mooning become a concerning incident.

Friend has a bus stop near her home. For years a boy with LD used get the bus with his mother. Now an adult he goes on the bus by himself.

Every time he was coming off the bus he would take a shit on my friends driveway.

Mother now waits for him at the bus stop.

There has been threads lately about reporting to SS.

No wonder they are snowed under and haven’t the time to actually spot the real problems.

If a HV thinks that a report to SS was the first port of call rather than knocking on your door then she isn’t a greet HV.

If she has concerns about who she sees, does she immediately report to SS rather than find out/help/talk to a child’s parent?

Completely Crazy

Perhaps if those in these pisitions were a little more intelligent they would be better able to use good and appropriate judgement.

It is little wonder hospital staff and social workers are overwhelmed when there is such poor professional jydgement and competence. Perhaps however it's easier to be bogged down in low level inconsequential excretia than it is to get stuck into the work that needs to be done and could make a difference to vulnerable families.

What a shame this hv felt she had to report rather than offering a helping hand and making up her own mind on the basis of one or two interractions.

I saw a nurse from my local hospital swearing at her dc in sainsbury's car park. Should I have reported because you would expect a highly qualified post grad educated professional expected to make judgements about others showing her true colours and behaving like a pug ignorant fishwife.

There are serious questions to be asked about the quality of these people who make professional judgements. I have since found out that the nurse who reported us has an 18 year old with a criminal conviction. May I question her personal parenting skills and ask if she is fit to form judgements about/report others?

@RageAgainstTheVendingMachine

In my area (South West) we do not have Education Social Workers any more, schools deal with attendance on the whole although my team (Early Help Family Workers) will help put support in place but not so far as assisting as in being present for morning routines or taking children to school.

Some schools have their own Parent Support Advisors and I have known the more tenacious ones do this and even a particularly good Deputy Head has too, but it’s considered above and beyond these days.

Maybe find out if you are eligible for any of the “Troubled Families” (hate that name) funding in your area (it will be called something different in every area but essentially is the same money.

Criteria are attendance, attainment, health, SEN and CIN.

Good luck.

emerald, I didn't see it as I was inside the house. but as far as I understood it was mooning only.

and as a member of the puplic you would knock on my door to 'discuss'?

Gosh, looks like I am really accountable to every dick and Tracey now

What string bottoms are everyone enamoured by that they consider this a failsafe? Mine has these for comfort if you mean tie string trackies - the point being he has sensory issues (can be in combo with ASD) so:

1. Tying them double bowed/stupidly tight means causing a trigger
2. Tying them multiple means I will end up with triple knots or thinned out strings or stretched trousers as he tries to loosen them
3. Having them on normal mode means he could have his hand down his pants, moon etc (Saville wore trackies for ease of access not that I am comparing my adorable son to that twat)

Wouldn't normal fitting canvas trousers/chinos/jeggings make more sense? apologies for derail OP, genuine question - my son (6) is happiest naked or in loose clothing, holds/cups himself a lot at home for comfort, tried to take his willy out in town a few months back and got short shrift from me (told him either he or I or both of us would get arrested) and yes, I could imagine being in the same boat four years from now. I don't let him out of my sight as he is a bolter with no sense of danger but I totally empathise with the OP - it is exhausting being on guard/tenterhooks 24/7.

and as a member of the puplic you would knock on my door to 'discuss

If I knew you and saw your lo outside mooning I would probably ignore or just knock on your door to let you know.

Certainly wouldn’t think it was at all appropriate to report to SS

We must have had very different safeguarding training. Mine was “Report any concern, however minor.”

Mine too. We were told that you report everything because you don't know what else may be going on. You never know what small piece of information will complete the jigsaw and reveal a more serious concern.

In my area (South West) we do not have Education Social Workers any more, schools deal with attendance on the whole although my team (Early Help Family Workers) will help put support in pla;ce but not so far as assisting as in being present for morning routines or taking children to school.

So no actual help, then......

Seems like SS are just a finger-wagging bunch of box-tickers, rather than a means of actually supporting those who need it.

I don't leave DS alone generally. but I have moments when I don't look (e.g. just nipping back inside for a moment), unloading the car. dealing with DD (7 years old). I don't have 8 arms and hands and I don't have eyes in my back. the only other option would be to not leave the house anymore at all other than taking DS to school. I couldn't live like that and I couldn't do this to my children either.

but maybe this is expected of me. I don't know. maybe I really should not go out with DS anymore if I cannot 100% guarantee that I am focussed on him at all times. Sometimes its different to judge for me what is reasonable and what is not. maybe the public's right to not being exposed to inappropriate behaviours by a child with SN tops our right to access the community even if it means that an unexpected and inappropriate behaviour occurs.

I get it, and no judgement here. To survive, parent both dc's, and not be at the bec and call of others decisions, you have to find ways of preventing 'culture clash'.

What is 'expected of you' will depend on whose doing the 'expecting'.

If you stop going out generally someone will report you for isolating your child. (or cared for person)

Many issues arise because we're trying to live normal time poor lives, in non normal situations. Something always has to give.

So lets be honest here, rather than be 100% focused on caring for the other person (because childhood ends, but the issues don't) we learn to focus on others perception of our caring, and heading of trouble before it spots us and decides we're an issue for them.

That means taking them back inside with us if we have to nip in, even though we know it may be distressing for them to have that change in expectations, and may wreck their day. and the amount of additional time spent will wreck everyone's day. However once it becomes clear that doing this ends the fallout from SS investigations then it becomes common sense and debatable as to if it might not be better in the long term for the caree.

In time you'll develop strategies around this to not have to go back for anything.

When unloading the car you end up having to drag them back and forwards, or you unload to the doorstep, then unload them, then unload into house etc etc.

Imagine that your ds had much higher needs and the only predictability was anything could happen at any moment, and work out everything around that. It's exhausting and unfair but there's always a way when you have no help and no choice.

I'm not saying any of this is how life should be, just ways of working around changing social demands and surviving.

In my area (South West) we do not have Education Social Workers any more, schools deal with attendance on the whole although my team (Early Help Family Workers) will help put support in place but not so far as assisting as in being present for morning routines or taking children to school.

Sadly, that's what I thought. I used to be that deputy, well, a head of year - picked up two kids regularly on way to work. Would probably be deemed as crossing boundaries these days.
I am worried, yes - schools, ewos, school liaison, pastoral staff...all are only going to care about attendance and punctuality stats by the sound of it, not the bigger picture.

troubled families?? great label - yep, I am troubled, might as well call it dysfunctional family and kick me some more (not you lovey, grateful to you for the reply goddess)

She was right though, because at 10 he could be starting puberty.
She doesn't want her dd being subjected to arses.

SS will come and visit you and close the case when they realise it was an oversight on your part.
I've had so many referrals with my dd they know us personally now.
It always comes to nothing if there are no issues.
They are too busy but do have to investigate if reported.
Please don't worry, you have done nothing wrong. They may ask you to review leaving him outside without a grown up though.

It must be hard for you and nobody is perfect, please don't worry.

OP I honestly wouldn't worry about SS. I sympathise so much for your situation.
I never thought of the strings and sensory issues.
The biggest disgrace is the lack of services, My DS was due to start school this year, he has been refused until his ASD assessment is complete.
He can spend an extra year in playschool.
I applied in October so far 8 months, I've been informed it will be another year, he has a part time SNA so at least it is some support.
I need to save to go private at this stage.
Keep doing what your doing, fight for respite if necessary, you need the break.