I have been reported to SS

[mooning123]

I have a DS with ASD and LDs. he is 10 but cognitively much younger well.

anyhow, we went out the other day and whilst I was getting something from the house and DS was waiting outside for a minute, a lady living down the street and her 7 yo DD pass by. for whatever reason, DS dropped his trousers to show his bum to them. he has never done anything before.

Said lady is also a HV and when she passed by today and saw me outside told me, she would (or already has) reported us to social services over safeguarding concerns re DS as he mooned at them and I am clearly unable to keep him safe.

DS is very well looked after. But with a child with SN, sometimes, you take your eyes off them for a moment or two (generally speaking, DS is always with an adult).

I am terrified what will now happen? anybody any insight?

OhTheRoses As a public sector worker who uses the NHS very frequently due to a serious health condition, I am not a fan of the “I pay your wages” and “I help fund your services”. I, too, am a tax payer! I was a higher tax payer before I changed careers. As I said, you are neither better nor worse because you even a million pounds per hour. You don’t get special treatment because you pay tax when Mr Jones would love to be well enough to pay tax but he’s terminal due to Motor Neurone Disease. Equality of opportunity.

I don't want special treatment. I want competent treatment and respectful care. I expect everyone to receive that. I think there are far too many people in these services and agencies who think they doing people a favour. That the pyblic should be grateful for free services. They are not free; they are free at the point of delivery. They are funded by the people for the people and afaiac the people have been grateful for sub standard services for far too long. Those of us with choices need to fight for better services for everyone.

She’s a busy body. Just don’t worry about it. My son is SN too, severely autistic and epileptic. He used to love being naked and it was a huge fear of mine, at 20 years old I can’t allow my other children to have friends round unless I know their parents really we;l in case he strips off!

Oh my mooning is not a safeguarding concern, her word against yours.

@hercule
You understand what @tolleshunt wrote about so well which is more less the same thing I have said but you condescend to me.
If you talk to me as you wish so will I. And I will write that you are an apologist for the failing system in your “need to engage more positively” bullshit.

They are funded by the people for the people and afaiac the people have been grateful for sub standard services for far too long. Those of us with choices need to fight for better services for everyone

Hear hear!!

👏👏👏 yes roses, absolutely!

I wouldn’t worry. SS don’t even protect kids who are actually at risk, never mind care about a kid flashing his bum.

With all the 'reporting' and tattle-tailing it's no wonder the UK is a nanny state now and you are treated like children.

I think this is the secret to the success of Call The Midwife. It harks back to an era of the welfare state when 'service users' had names! Imagine if it was set now - every new character would be called Mum or Dad. Apparently

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness

Not sure quite what to say to you. From my perspective, you leapt on my words choices and accused me of speaking to you “like a conservative” and so on when all I did was express a view that didn’t match yours. You sound hideously oversensitive. Oh well.

@hercule no, you are wrong again. I am not over sensitive; just not someone displaying a patrician coolness or using politician speak to discuss such a serious and worrying situation as you are. Describing me as over sensitive is cheap and lazy.

I’m afraid that @peachsummer is right. And no wonder when ridiculous reports like this incident with either no substance or even worse with some background knowledge are made in such a manner as with this thread.

displaying a patrician coolness or using politician speak to discuss such a serious and worrying situation as you are.

I can’t even... Have a nice day.

It's quite frightening AmeriAnn. What's frightening is that people are actively encouraging and participating in cultivating a nanny state. By deliberately surrendering the use of their own judgement in favour of government.

Seen some threads lately where people have suggested they want the government to control how many children people have, how much meat they eat and bring in an environmental credit system. They want to actively hand power to the government to manage the personal scintilla of their lives. It's just shocking that people would willingly do this. Another thread where a lady simply overhears a conversation involving a parent leaving a baby for 10 mins and instead of talking to the woman involved or asking questions, will go straight to government and report her.

It just sounds so communistic

I remember a couple years ago watching a program on gun control in America and the pro gun people saying "well what else have you got when the government comes for you? Gun's ensure the freedom of the individual" And thinking Americans were fucking crazy.

Not looking so crazy these days. I am genuinely concerned about where things are going here in terms of the rights of the individual.

I will thanks @hercule. Hope you do, despite our difference of opinion
I don’t suppose the OP is though. I feel really sorry for her.

We are all expected to be wonderful all singing all dancing parents that never get things wrong or display a lapse of judgement. I am not of course talking about neglect or abuse but being a human being, and I think the spectrum of safeguarding needs to distinguish more clearly from what these instances are too but why sometimes the latter still requires help. Right now that doesn’t seem to be the case.

In terms of what others have alluded to, I also do think this country is evolving into something that worries me and I think aspects of how some individuals report other parents is symptomatic of this depressing evaporation of kindness and common sense.

• when is talk of a need to disnitguish I mean of course to children and their families because of course well all know the professionals know don’t we........

The problem is that some of these "professionals" in CAMHS, in hospitals in children's services, in schools, etc, don't exactly lead exemplary lives, based on sound judgement and so often provide advice that is simply wrong that the situation becomes ever more worrying.

‘It just sounds so communistic.’

@CatherineofAragon
I totally agree with the points you make, except this one. DH grew up in the USSR. The state was pretty revolting in many ways, but did NOT meddle in domestic matters. Thank Lenin for small mercies.

OhTheRoses

Is it that they don't lead exemplary lives or that they have lived a relatively uneventful life? Life experience enables you weigh up and judge whether a situation is really a cause for concern or not. Some like my children's cousin go straight into SW degree after A-levels and have no children.

The state was pretty revolting in many ways, but did NOT meddle in domestic matters. Thank Lenin for small mercies.

I stand corrected then makingmammaries I assumed it did. Good to know (I need to do some more reading).

I'm not sure guns are much defence against the government anyway Catherine. They just increase the likelihood of being shot by the police yourself.

I disagree with the idea that reporting to social services is in any way communist. I don't think former communist states gave a crap about child abuse or neglect. Clearly we need a system of support for families who are genuinely struggling to keep their children safe, or have no intention of even trying. I think the problem at the moment is the gulf between safeguarding and child protection procedures and the way abusers actually operate. We don't want to admit to ourselves the huge numbers of abusers who are far too clever to be caught - who have high ranking jobs, make sure their children are well presented and their homes are spotless. It's all too easy for Social Workers to turn a blind eye and focus instead on the 'low hanging fruit' and give themselves a pat on the back that little Johnny with ADHD no longer has to live in a messy council house with umpteen brothers and sisters.

The trouble is Ruffle I had a high performing, well cared for little Jane. Very loved, professional parents. At 15 the stress of juggling 11 GCSEs became too much and self harm started which she masked very well. She asked for help from our family dr the day after her last GCSE. She was cutting and taking small overdoses. Old GP said CAMHS would help her and there would be a two wek emergency appointment. DD hung on to that advice. We moved house the following week. New GP said CAMHS were useless and told us to get a therapist off the internet. I did insist and CAMHS diagnosed low mood and anxiety and closed her case.

We appointed a private consultant psychiatrist. She had CBT and fluoxetine was started. Progress made and dd felt something else was wrong and she was assessed privately for ASD and ADHD.

Meanwhile another crisis involving 11 anti-histamine. She went to a&e 48 hours later to make sure she hadn't harmed herself. The system, having refused any support went into overdrive. Reported to ss, wanted to admit overnight for a CAMHS review. This was not necessary but we went back to CAMHS the next week. They made promises that were not kept, reported again to SS and wrote an inaccurate letter telling untruths which was withdrawn. The promised counselling did not materialise for three months and only then after the MP intervened.

A day after CAMHS assessment, the psychiatrist confirmed dd had ADHD/ADD and whilst some ASD traits not enough for a diagnosis. The CAMHS practitioners response "well now she's a bit old for that at 17 so I don't think so. After one session of CAMHS counselling her case was closed.

Upon diagnosis dd turned around spectacularly. Anxiety and deoression are common comorbidities of ADHD. The CAMHS nurse didn't know this.

All the state intervention wasn't going to support dd to get better. It wasn't helpful, competent or professional.

So, little Jane with ADHD got no support whatsoever from the state and neither did I. She'd never have been helped or diagnosed until her life chances were shot to pieces and at the same time I was totally disempowered as a caring mother.

The system and those within it are a total disgrace. The MH Trust and Children's Services where we live have both been subject to inquiries. The MH trust has jyst got Good from the CQC. Children are still waiting more than a year for treatment and diagnosis.

And yet these incomopetents reported me, twice, to SS. It was malicious and because I didn't accept their advice Because their advice led to nothing and was wrong. Instead my child got the best possible MH care available which led to diagnosis. Ittle Jane with ADHD is now at Oxbridge. One can only imagine where she would be if I had had to rely on state services.

So, if the professionals on here will excuse me I now expect nothing but the most exemplary standards of conduct from the lot of you in the context of honesty, competence, integrity and basic courtesty ALWAYS whether you like it or not and it starts always with being addressed with the same degree of respect as you afford the most senior people in all of your associated agencies.

Friend had an issue with SS. Exh made
up lies about friend and they gulped up everything.

Changed the facts as they would be very outing.

Anything ex said was treated as the absolute truth and friend was the liar even to the extent that he said something that was so obviously untrue (like friend was a WW2 nurse and suffered flash backs from when she was in the trenches so made it impossible for her to safely look after her child. Friend was born in the 1970s)

Report SW did on her was the biggest pile of crap I have ever seen written

A few of us read through it. On page one it said one thing I.e friend says ex owns a Red Volvo but then there was a note to say that there was no evidence to suggest this was the case and no evidence to suggest ex had even passed his test and friend was lying,

2 pages later it said that Ex owned a Red Volvo and had a driving licence as proved by the DVLA.

There were paragraph after paragraph where they said one thing was true but 2 pages earlier when friend said it they said it wasn’t true.

There was even a bit about her nationality and religion. (Born in Wales and as she was Syrian she was a Muslim)

SW said that as friend was an Irish Hindu she found that friend’s obsession with Islam was deeply disturbing and following the Catholic faith was confusing the child.

It confused the life out of everyone who read it.

Yet they stood by their report. Even got as far as a court case to have her dc taken into foster care before the judge threw the whole thing out as up to then no one had read the report as a whole document.

Those saying that SS involvement doesn’t affect innocent families don’t see the fall out.

Friend home schools now as even the teachers bought into everything her ex had said about her and she couldn’t face leaving her dc in their care again nor did she trust the school to not inform another school their twisted view on her and her dc.

The fall out of these reports is huge and disturbing. You will never see what happens or the effect it has on families because they make sure they never cross paths with SS again

for you and your dd ohtheroses. I can relate to a lot of this as my dd has received very little help for her mental health. Then again she has a tendency to reject what she is offered and for some reason CAHMS don't think they have any sway over the decision of a 13 year old which sends us back to square one.

There does seem to be yet another gulf between reporting or referral and actually getting the help and support needed for the situation to improve. A lot of people listening and writing endless notes and being judgey but very little of substance. I don't think it's all just down to dd's stubbornness.