To be upset that I received nothing for my 40th bday

[StandardNameChange]

Can I start by saying that I’m not a materialistic person. Not at all. Not in any way. However I turned 40 a few days ago and apart from a homemade card from one child and three cards in the post from obscure relatives I received nothing. My husband says he’ll be booking us a weekend away as my present but he hasn’t sorted it. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that I’ve had nothing on the day (or anywhere close to it). Just something to make it feel like he actually gave a shit or made an effort. A card, some flowers, a cake, a trinket. I’ve been upset for days and have even tried to broach it but have been told that I’m wallowing in self pity. I’m aware that I am but it just seems so unfair. I know people have a lot less but I made such a massive effort for his with so many treats and surprises and all our friends have had wonderful presents and experiences. I go all out to make sure he and our kids have fabulous times on their birthdays. It’s one day in 10 years just to feel a little special and appreciated. Apologies for the wallowing. I really just needed somewhere to vent.

Is there any chance he’s planned a surprise party for you this weekend?

I think it's rubbish.

Ooh, that's not wallowing, that's suffering the absence of a very suitable display of love. I'm sorry OP.

I’d tell your husband how you feel rather than letting your resentment build up. I assume you didn’t start planning something yourself? It’s a shame he didn’t make you feel special but TELL HIM!

Oh op I would be crushed.

I would tell him how you feel and explain how upset it’s made you. If he continues with the you are wallowing in self pity then I am afraid I would stop doing anything for any of his birthdays moving forward

I'm not yet 40 but this is exactly how I will be. My children are too small to do anything and DH might get me some supermarket flowers on the day and a lie in 😤. Happy 40th 🎂🍾🥂🍰

I think that's really hurtful
I'd sit him down and explain how it's made you feel :(

Oh my present was only delayed in the post and I was miffed enough about that! Happy belated bday op

What would make you feel better?

Do it. So, if it is a weekend away on your own, spend some time tonight browsing, sleep on it and book it tomorrow. If it is a whole load of new books, make up, plants, jewellery - well, tomorrow, leave "D" H with kids and go spend hours pottering. Indulge yourself because your DH has totally screwed up. Guess what - his next birthday, give him what he has given you - zilch!

You deserve better but it may well be that you have to make that totally clear to those around you and actually put yourself first.

Happy birthday!

Yanbu, that’s shitty and thoughtless and so ungenerous. Sorry OP

It’s really crap but to be honest my family organise our own celebrations so I’d decide in advance if I wanted to have a party or dinner out or a meet up at the pub, I’m surprised people expect others to organise things but yes certainly gifts and cards should be given.

Tell him though don’t seethe.

No, that's shit. I know, some people don't do birthdays, but your family obviously does, and you made an effort for his birthday.
Frankly, I'd be buying myself something lovely and expensive from finances your H is attached to (no, you shouldn't have to, and I'm sorry you do) and enjoying it.
Then I'd be making sure no one got any effort from me when it was their birthday in future.
YANBU

That's really shit op.

Even if he was planning a party or weekend away he should have marked the day with a card/flowers/cake and made you a meal.

Is he always so thoughtless?

40 is a big milestone birthday so YANBU to feel let down.

Happy birthday

Crap, pic didn't post. Try again

Getting nothing for his 50th was one reason my husband ended his first marriage. It was the final straw. It’s the lack of thought and care. Nothing to do with materialism.

Aww, sorry about that OP. I know loads of women thought whose DH/partner have done fuckall for their 40th. So they end up going out with mates, or the kids.

Happy birthday 🎂🧁 Look after yourself.

As a pp said, tell him how you feel. And if he does nothing soon, then don't get him ANYTHING ever again.

I mean if he doesn't do SOMETHING soon!

My 50th next month and this is probably how it's going to go for me also. I have 6 kids and 4 are primary age so can't do it on their own my eldest is to tight to Evan buy a card and my 2nd oldest has autism my husband does nothing for me and is down the pub on his own most of my birthdays as eldest doesn't baby sit so I won't be shock if it's just another day. What I'll do is bake and decorate my own cake so the kids can have some I plan on ordering some pizza for them and a chicken wrap and put on a movie that's all I can do. Anyway I will wish you an happy birthday.

Do what I do. Buy your own presents and cards.

If it’s truly that bad we could swap gifts.

I didn’t get anything for my 40th either so I know how you feel.
For my 30th I got a fitted sheet from my mum and that was it.
And to top it off on my 50th I got robbed in Tenerife and had my money/passport/everything nicked so it could be worse.

I give up on big birthdays.

No you definitely ANBU to wallow all you like, no wonder you feel deflated that is not good enough of your DH. He could have organised something for the day, a lovely meal out with friends to make the day feel special. Now you have been left feeling really flat. I think the best strategy at times like this is to organise something yourself. Do you have any female friends you could rally for a night out?? Maybe explain what happened so they don't go all flaky and pull out and make you feel worse!! xx

He’s not related to my husband, is he?