To consider NOT breastfeeding dc4 when I've breastfed the others?

[Fairyboost]

Currently expecting my 4th child. I breastfed my first for 6 weeks, and then breastfed the other 2 for over 2 years each, and have only recently finished weaning the youngest. Dc2 and 3 never really took a bottle of expressed milk so even though it was handy to not have to sterilise etc, it was a pain to not be able to go anywhere with out them while they were babies. Also, DH and I couldn't have a night out for so long.

I'm considering not breastfeeding when the new baby arrives. Mainly because I am planning on doing a course soon after the baby arrives which will mean that DH will have the baby for 1.5 days each week. But also because I'm worn out from 5 years of it and need some bodily independence. Also, saggy leaky norks, lack of estrogen (and resulting dryness 🙈), hormonal fluctuations, baby not settling for dh.

I know it's my choice, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. But part of me feels a bit guilty because I fed the older kids, and I fear that the new baby will somehow miss out if I bottle feed (which I know is ridiculous).

Ianbu am I?

I would take it one day at a time. There's no need to choose in advance unless you want to.

It's probably sensible to plan to feed for the first few days if you can because there seems to be quite a lot of evidence that it makes a difference to the baby. However, if you decide it's not for you on day one, that's fine.

Sometimes knowing you can stop at any time makes it easier to carry on.

If you try mixed feeding and it doesn't work, just plump for formula. It's no biggie.

If you manage two hours, two weeks or two years, at least you'll have made the right decision for you and your baby will have a happier mother.

Yanbu, do whatever feels right for you and your family. I wish I had done that with my dc2 and fed him formula from near the beginning instead of listening to people who had no clue about our situation go on about how breast is best and cows milk is only best for cows etc.

Having said that I bottle fed my dc4 from birth and found it a massive pain and faff compared to breastfeeding. If I were you I would try mix feeding but that's just from my experience and feel free to ignore me as it's totally your choice.

I would add to others saying do a bit of both. Some breastfeeding would give immunity benefits and bottle feeding would give you much more freedom. Worst case scenario, your milk dries up after a few month. But if you were thinking of just FF then presumably this wouldn’t be a massive issue. The other thing is that so so much benefit is given by just breastfeeding for a week. So it’s worth doing it even if very briefly.

With my first I beat myself up and ground myself into fully bf all the time. Second time I mostly bf but some formula and even 2 days of formula went I went away. I was so much happier knowing there was another option even though I mostly bf.

For the amount of healthy FF babies, there are also healthy BF ones. Comparing the health of your DC's to your sisters, neighbours, milkman's is not going to change that.

Feed how you want OP. No-one should guilt anyone over how they feed, be it BF, FF or combi feeding .

@anothernotherone I exclusively BF and am still BF at 30 months. My husband and I have better than average immune systems, not allergic to anything and have no asthma, eczema etc. There were no issues with my son while pregnant and he was not premature. I’ve been very hands on with him and we are out and about all the time so he’s been exposed to the “normal world” from early on.

The other kids born in the same hospital at the same time that we stay in touch with all had significant issues while in the womb, were all premature or had to be induced early for health reasons etc. The parents have a host of medical issues themselves, and the children have been far more coddled and contained than mine. Besides perhaps a VERY brief spell of BF in the beginning for a couple of them they’ve all been exclusively formula fed.

My son has serious allergies, has spent considerable time in hospital and picked up every single bug around since birth. When he started childcare it was truly awful for a very long time. None of the other kids mentioned above have had even a fraction of the issues we’ve had. Not even a fraction. Smooth sailing.

I’m not claiming this was because they were formula fed. But I am saying that kids are all different. I would never have thought things would be so tough for us. There are too many factors at play to put health down to whether they’re boobed or bottled.

tympanic I'm sorry that your son has health issues, but as you say it's despite not because of breastfeeding. People are falling over themselves to offer annecdotes which contradict statistical evidence, but as I said annecdotes illustrate only that there are exceptions to the statistical trends. It's easy to Google for actual statistics, which do show huge differences in SIDS rates between exclusively breastfed and FF babies under 6 months old (over 70%), 1/3 fewer gastrointestinal infections in breastfed babies under 6 months etc. The allergy evidence is actually the least clear cut.

Drogosnextwife do you interview prospective mindees parents about their previous breastfeeding history?

Everyone agrees the OP must make her own decision, but the rush to provide annecdotes to attempt to refute statistics is weird. Obviously all the people with healthy breastfed babies can't post anything because they will be jumped on for being "unsupportive" which creates an odd echo chamber of people rushing to tell stories which go against the evidence of many, many large scale studies and population level evidence. Insisting that anecdotes = data is patronising, oddly manipulative, and dishonest though, not supportive.

Fairyboost some people are horrible. My son is is adopted so was not breast fed by his birth mother at all. He was formula fed from day 1. Guess what he hasn't grown a second head or turned purple with yellow spots. Not that I dont think breast feeding is good. I just dont think its anyone elses choice but your own. I would feel no guilt. Life moves on.Good luck with your family and course.

It will make absolutely no difference

I think that’s disengenuous. There’s no denying there’s a massive difference between breastmilk and formula. I’ve used formula with both my children so I’m not pushing any agenda but breast milk is the biological norm and formula (while a great substitute) is significantly inferior.

This really became obvious to me with DD2. She was mostly BF with the occasional bottle of formula. I had to go on medication when she was four months old and my milk dried up within two days. I had a little bit of a freezer stash but not enough to gradually wean her on to formula - it was a fairly abrupt transition. The physical change in her shocked me. She had been a normal skinny baby but completely ballooned within a few days of formula. She got all these little dry patches on her skin too. Even my mum who is not at all supportive of breastfeeding (I’m pretty sure she thinks is disgusting ) well even she was astounded by the change in DD and for the first time ever spoke slightly negatively of formula.

There are so many antibodies in breast milk that can’t be recreated in a lab. Of course plenty of children will be absolutely fine on formula but to say that there’s no difference and the outcomes will be the same is daft.

Scientifically, your baby will indeed experience some benefits from being breastfed during its first year. There is no scientific evidence for longterm benefits.

Leaving science behind, I firmly believe baby will benefit most from a mum who is happy and healthy. Congratulations on your fourth!

The PROBIT study (the closest we have to a control trial) and sibling pair studies (which are the next-most reliable option) suggest a modest increase in verbal IQ/IQ in general. I would try to at least partially breastfeed for this reason---but I don't think it's massively important and other factors are far more significant.

I honestly can’t believe people are telling you that if you wanted “bodily independence” you shouldn’t of decided on a 4th child!!! My DD is 3 weeks old and I didn’t even attempt breastfeeding because of many factors which are no-one’s business but mine. Do whatever you want OP.

I honestly can’t believe people are telling you that if you wanted “bodily independence” you shouldn’t of decided on a 4th child!!!

Really? I dunno...having a baby isn't just about pregnancy.

I'm not having another because I found the sleep deprivation in the first 6 months almost unbearable. I could have another and hire a night nurse so I don't have to deal with it, but then I would be treating my new baby very differently from the other ones and I think that's unfair.

It's not just about BF. Family planning is also about what you can give to your children physically, emotionally, financially, and trying to do it as equitably as possible.

God people will make a stick to beat a mum with out of thin air😂

I love when ALL 4 of mine stopped bf. I did feel great ‘bodily independence’. No more wet dribbled down my bare side, no more stop, sit, lift clothes up exposing post baby flabby bits and half tucked tops up and down and pulled sideways. No more pinching parts of my body usually left alone.