To consider NOT breastfeeding dc4 when I've breastfed the others?

[Fairyboost]

Currently expecting my 4th child. I breastfed my first for 6 weeks, and then breastfed the other 2 for over 2 years each, and have only recently finished weaning the youngest. Dc2 and 3 never really took a bottle of expressed milk so even though it was handy to not have to sterilise etc, it was a pain to not be able to go anywhere with out them while they were babies. Also, DH and I couldn't have a night out for so long.

I'm considering not breastfeeding when the new baby arrives. Mainly because I am planning on doing a course soon after the baby arrives which will mean that DH will have the baby for 1.5 days each week. But also because I'm worn out from 5 years of it and need some bodily independence. Also, saggy leaky norks, lack of estrogen (and resulting dryness 🙈), hormonal fluctuations, baby not settling for dh.

I know it's my choice, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. But part of me feels a bit guilty because I fed the older kids, and I fear that the new baby will somehow miss out if I bottle feed (which I know is ridiculous).

Ianbu am I?

It can't be judgmental because she hasn't done anything to judge yet

However you cut it you are putting your wishes ahead of the baby's best interests.

Nothing wrong with that either, never will understand this guilt tripping mentality when it comes to BF. Its boring.

It's judgemental against every other mother who does FF though, isn't it?

Of course there is something wrong with a parent unable to put their child's best interests in front of their own wants!!!!!

I'm ff dd2. Sooo much easier than bf dd1. Way less stress, more sleep and she seems to be as healthy as the other one. If I had another child no way would I bf again. Not worth it imo.

I bottle fed because the thought of a mouth around my boob made me feel sick, midwife made me do it in hospital and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

I used to express and then give to them in a bottle.

*Dana28

Of course there is something wrong with a parent unable to put their child's best interests in front of their own wants!!!!!*
Even if that includes their physical or mental health?

You are not being supportive. You are just rail reading your own agenda.
The OP is not just talking about a course she wants to go on but has listed physical symptoms as well.

Op,
As you said,this is your decision,nobody has the right to judge you.
You know what is best for your own body.
If feeding a fourth baby is too much then it is too much.
You will have four children who depend on you for many years to come.There will be times when you just simply cannot do what others might consider be best for the child,know that doing your very best with what you have is enough.In this instance,your body needs a break,I remember reading somewhere that a gp pointed to a playground full of children and said"point out the child who was not breast fed".
Mentally and physically babies and children are a huge(wonderful)commitment and nobody should goad you into any action that will bring additional stress of worry.
Hold your head up and carry on,enjoy your course.You are a mum,you are also a person in your own right and entitled to make decisions for yourself.

Thank you karma, and to all the others who have shared their experiences. I feel a lot more positive knowing that so many have successfully mix fed, but am equally reassured that if I end up FF, it's not the end of the world.

Bloody hell, the guilting and the pressure is everywhere though! I don't remember it being so strong when I had dc1 6 years ago.

Of course there is something wrong with a parent unable to put their child's best interests in front of their own wants!!!!!

Oh the dramatics. The OP has BF before, she knows herself/body/mental health whatever it may be, more than what you do. Everyone knows breast is best, don't need a random poster guilt tripping. And no, informing a mother about BF, the benefits, tips etc is not guilt tripping, what you did is

OP, you are an experienced breastfeeder, so you will figure out what works best for you.

Breastfeeding is brilliant but if it doesn't work for you, don't beat yourself up and don't be asking and listening to outside opinions.

Four children will be busy indeed. The most important thing is for you to be well and to mind yourself.

That's hugely important to your baby and your whole family.

Maybe wait and see and you will find a middle ground of mixed feeding. I did it on all three of mine for 7 months very successfully.

The thing is not to weigh yourself down with expectations that might stress you.

Stay well.

Oh and I was thrilled to finish with each one. The leaking breasts drove me mad. Each to their own.
I certainly don't believe you need to breast feed to "bond with baby".

Calm down Dana...Seriously, dramatic much?! Christ, this is feeding a baby formula we're talking about not crack.

I bf both of mine for 6 & 7 months but I did feel like I was being a martyr in the end. It wasn't a fun experience for me and I dreaded the feeds.

I've no plans for anymore but if I did I think I'd be far more relaxed about it. Not convinced the health benefits are that much higher imho but that's another topic I guess!

Bloody hell, the guilting and the pressure is everywhere though! I don't remember it being so strong when I had dc1 6 years ago
There wasnt, the internet as it is now where everyone is an expert or critic and people can troll and push their own agenda.
The trick is to be blinkered and believe in yourself.
I learned to not being guilty by thinking "would someone ask or criticise a dad this?' The answer was generally no.
I remember being on holiday with some friends when DS was 15 and he had a sport injury, he broke his collar bone. Some women at work asked if I felt guilty for going away and looked shocked when I said no, not all. The accident would have happened if I was there or not, he had a parent with him, it wasn't life threatening ( in fact it was a bit if a badge of honour for him)
The only time I feel guilty is if I have done something wrong and hurt someone.

From what I've seen mix feeding is frowned upon as it messes with your supply, that's why they suggest 6 weeks exclusive to establish before doing it.

I mix fed over a year from birth. My midwife explained how to keep my supply up while feeding formula too. Dc1 was more formula fed then breast but it worked for us.

Some of the comments are ridiculous. You can bond brilliantly and develop amazing closeness without bf. I did when solely ff as did DH!

I totally get your worries here and I think I would be the same. I often think would I FF the next child as the 13 months of EBF was tough.

My advice if you combi is to introduce the bottle as soon as you can. My daughter had a bottle and a dummy before she was able to latch. Once she got the hack of latching ( 3 weeks old) we used to give her 10mls of breastmilk mixed with vitamins every day in a bottle.

I raised the concerns with the SCBU nurse about the use of dummies and bottles and the whole nipple confusion. She told me it's basically rubbish and the sooner you introduce them, the easier it will be. She was right. My baby was EBF but was able to take a bottle of expressed as and when needed.

Friends who have waited until past 6 weeks to introduce a bottle haven't been as successful.

Good luck with your new baby.

My 2 DDs (now 28 and 29), were bottle fed. Their 8 cousins were all breast fed.
My DDs are the only ones who DIDN’T have asthma, eczema and allergies!
The vast majority of my own generation were bottle fed. We’re the healthiest, longest lived generation in history.
Ignore the guilt tripping and grandstanding on this thread, OP.
Go with whatever works for your circumstances. Your baby will be fine.

I think it would be best to plan to start boobing for a while and then stop if you feel its best to, rather than not start at all, so that at least your milk comes in and you are at least giving yourself the option of going either way (I only BF 1 out of 2 babies). It will be easier to stop BF than to relactate if you change your mind and wish you had. IME boobs are magic at settling a fussy baby and so much easier to get a latch on than to wash/sterilise and prepare formula to demand.

@Fairyboost

Bloody hell, the guilting and the pressure is everywhere though! I don't remember it being so strong when I had dc1 6 years ago.

Right?! It’s just dreadful. I’d love to know why people get so hot under the collar about what other women choose to do when it comes to breastfeeding or FF, or indeed other things. I mentioned a militant lactivist I know in a previous post who actually seems to hate women who FF, sleep train, don’t do baby-led weaning etc etc.

I’m genuinely curious to know what’s behind this, so I’ve asked her why she is so affected by other people’s choices despite the fact they have absolutely no impact on her own or her child’s life whatsoever. She just gets defensive to the point of hysteria as she scrambles to try to back her statements up with false information that, even if it was factual, still has nothing to do with a woman’s right to choice. Yet she calls herself a feminist who values women having the right to choose in life. Just not when it comes to the things she believes are “right”. Headcase.

It’s not just comparing feeding DC 1-3 to DC4 and feeling guilty, though.

You’re not the woman you were the first three times. There are so, so many things DC 1 had that DC 2-4 wont get; that the boys might get that the girls don’t; and whatever else has changed between the first and this one, and whatever else the future holds for your family.

I just don’t get this endless fixation with bf versus affect. It’s such a minuscule part of having a baby and raising a child.

I have to agree with views that it's not about BF per se but about doing something different (and at least from a medical standpoint suboptimal) for #4 versus #1-3. You can BF for a few weeks which is when it's most important for immunity and gut health, and then introduce bottles.

I can completely relate to wanting bodily autonomy, I BF for years between my two. But you are having another baby, I feel like it comes with the territory honestly. Not wanting to go through pregnancy + fourth trimester again is why I'm not having another.

Really encouraging to hear about all the mixed feedingNot sure why it's so frowned upon amongst lactation consultants when it obviously can work

I was really surprised that the lactation consultant midwife at my hospital was so pro expressing / bottles / etc. I thought it would cause 'nipple confusion' but I think DS got on with it because he was so young. He'll still take an occasional bottle of expressed milk with no issues (now 8 months old). If I'm lucky enough to have another, I'll do the same and introduce a bottle at the newborn stage.

I don't 'mix feed' using formula, but I know plenty of mums that do without issue. Why get hung up on 'all or nothing' (unless you're strongly pro one or the other)?

As for whether YABU to consider formula... of course not. There's too much guilt around feeding choices. As PPs have said, fed is best.

My sister breastfed her first DC for three years. The DC had colic, reflux, constant ear infections and several really bad viruses. Her second DC is 18 months, still breastfed and has a severe cows milk & egg allergy.

The second DC doesn’t have any other sicknesses, not prone to ear infections or anything.

My sister doesn’t go out and she’s happy with that.

I think it’s bat shit crazy.

So what if the child gets eczema? That won’t be because you don’t breastfeed it. My sister’s children still got sick. Kids are meant to get sick - it prepares their immune system.

It’s the first few weeks where the baby gets the colostrum.

Do what you want to do.

Don’t let anyone guilt trip you into the whole “breast is best”. I hate it when people do that.