To consider NOT breastfeeding dc4 when I've breastfed the others?

[Fairyboost]

Currently expecting my 4th child. I breastfed my first for 6 weeks, and then breastfed the other 2 for over 2 years each, and have only recently finished weaning the youngest. Dc2 and 3 never really took a bottle of expressed milk so even though it was handy to not have to sterilise etc, it was a pain to not be able to go anywhere with out them while they were babies. Also, DH and I couldn't have a night out for so long.

I'm considering not breastfeeding when the new baby arrives. Mainly because I am planning on doing a course soon after the baby arrives which will mean that DH will have the baby for 1.5 days each week. But also because I'm worn out from 5 years of it and need some bodily independence. Also, saggy leaky norks, lack of estrogen (and resulting dryness 🙈), hormonal fluctuations, baby not settling for dh.

I know it's my choice, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. But part of me feels a bit guilty because I fed the older kids, and I fear that the new baby will somehow miss out if I bottle feed (which I know is ridiculous).

Ianbu am I?

After a brief (and I mean brief, we're talking days) spell of BF, I had to switch to FF for a myriad of reasons.
My DC were (and are) absolutely fine, and have thrived - more so on FF as it meant I could be healthier. They're now teens, one in top classes in school, one exceedingly sporty (I promise I'm not THAT mother, just outlining that they won't be terribly disadvantaged if not BF)
Your baby, your choice, and don't be pressured or guilted into doing anything you don't want to. You don't have to explain your choices to anyone, do what's best for you and your baby.

Surely each baby is different, they all need parenting in different ways. How they are fed just reflects circumstances and preferences at that time. As does the house you live in, income you have, schools to choose from etc. There’s no right or wrong and not all children will have the same experiences within a family as life changes!

I was FF after a difficult delivery, lazy feeder with severe jaundice. My younger brother was exclusively BF. Guess which one of us is the academic and career high achiever and has the best health? It’s not my brother! It has bugger all to do with how he was fed.

My mother-in-law had four children and for some reason didn't breastfeed her second born. (She breathed the others). Second born is 70 years old now and is frequently ill with colds, flu, tonsil issues etc. He has always claimed it was because he wasn't breastfed like his healthy sibs.

I get tired of him coughing and snotting all over the place when he's here.

Mixed feeding is great, honestly.

I am doing it this time round (one bottle a day) and it is awesome.

I feel like I get the best of both worlds, because I don't have to prep bottles all day long, I don't have to take feeding equipment out with me, I won't have to do "bottle-weaning" because babies who are only getting a bottle or two a day usually don't get a strong attachment to them and are happy to switch to a cup pretty easily, BUT I can leave the baby easily without worrying about her, she sleeps better at night because she has one bottle before bedtime, other people can put her to bed, I don't have to pump (or store EBM) unless it's occasionally for comfort etc. And the baby gets the benefits of breastmilk.

I would take the dire warnings from midwives etc. that "mixed feeding doesn't work!!" with a pinch of salt. In countries and cultures where mixed feeding is normal, it doesn't seem to be correlated with breastfeeding failure. And the WHO's emphasis on exclusive nursing has a lot to do with experience in insanitary environments where even a single bottle of formula could kill a baby. In rich countries, it's not clear whether there is really any benefit at all to "nursing exclusively" as opposed to "mostly nursing."

On the other hand, if you want to formula feed exclusively, do just that. In developed countries, formula feeding is fine.

Stuff what anyone else thinks, it's your baby & your body. FF if that is what you want, don't put yourself through BF if it is going to affect your mental health, you will just end up resenting your new baby. A fed baby & a happy mum is what counts.

I mixed fed my daughter and plan to do the same with this one too, it worked really well for us. Good luck 😀

www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/category/combo-feeding/

Also just to add if I had tried to exclusively breastfeed for any longer than I did (2 weeks) I wouldn't have coped for much longer and neither would the baby. She wasn't gaining enough weight and I was having a mental breakdown. As soon as we switched to mixed feeding everything was a million times better and I breastfed her until 6 months.

Do what's right for you, OP.

I breastfed my first baby and express fed the second (I started off breastfeeding but this became impossible for various reasons). I tortured myself over my pumping schedule and was a miserable parent to both my toddler and baby because of it. I wish I had had your confidence to say to myself, "This isn't working for me/this isn't going to work for me" and to stop.

I've had five kids. Ebf 1,2 and 3 for around a year each. No 4 just couldn't get the hang of it. Quite bizarre to me after feeding three successfully.
By two weeks she still wasn't gaining weight so I thought sod this, ignored midwife, gave her a bottle which she drained. I was so relieved and bottle fed permanently.
No 5 ebf for 16 months so it was just no 4!
My experience has given me the firm view that as long as a child is fed that's what counts.
You do you.
Also I always found the first three weeks with each of my breastfed ones absolute agony. Looking back Idk how I did it.

Zero actual evidence that breast is best. Your 4th child will be absolutely fine whether you breast feed or not.

My older DBro and DSis were both breastfed. I came along almost 5 years after DSis (I wasn’t planned) and I was FF because my mum was due to start a course (to become a social worker) not long after I was born. She chose to FF me because her parents (my lovely GPs) were going to look after me while she was doing her classes.
Do I resent my mum? Of course I don’t! Do I have a great bond with her? Yes 😊 she is probably closest to me than to my DB & DS.
Oh, and also - my DB has asthma (lifelong since has was very young) and my DS was hospitalised when she was 18 with very severe eczema. She continues having to control her eczema with creams now and she is in her 30’s. Me? I don’t have any health issues.

To the poster saying “if your fourth child gets asthma, ear infections, etc...” I can confirm my DD (4) has never had an infection in her life and she was FF - she is a very healthy child. However my nephew, who’s is a few months younger than her, was BF and has bad asthma, has been on antibiotics a few times for various infections and has been hospitalised a few times due to his asthma (poor boy!) - goes to show being BF doesn’t entirely protect the baby. There are other factors such as genetics and environmental.

In a nutshell - do what is best for YOU and your MH, and your baby will be absolutely fine on formula milk. Fed is best! No regrets or guilt required. Happy mum = happy baby.

Good luck and enjoy ❤️

I had four in less than 6 years BF them all (that hit is actually irrelevant) the youngest is now 9 and those early days I can’t really remember they went past in a blur. No one will actually give a toss how you fed your baby once they are about 2. I’m a teacher now and I honestly couldn’t tell you how was bottle/breast fed, who walked at 9 months, who walked at 18 months, who ate solids at 4 months etc. We get so tied up in it when they are babies and a few years down the line it just doesn’t matter.

OP - I think mixed feeling is your best way forward. I know friends who gave a bottle of formula every evening from north quite happily, that 11pm feed with daddy so they could sleep or go out. I think you’ll feel too guilty not even doing some BFing so I would start off then review it every week don’t have an end date see how you get on. Number fours babyhood will go past in a flash. I tried to hang on to DC 4s a wee bit much to his disgust and actually he got more time with me once his siblings were at nursery/school.

my dd wouldn't latch and I had to Express from birth while she was in hospital (had sepsis after birth) and I can honestly say if I had another baby I wouldn't even want to breast feed next time. I hated the sensation of it and pumping just made me feel like a cow being milked 24/7. I stopped pumping and switched to formula as soon as we went home from hospital and she happy, healthy and thriving now at 10 months

Like pps suggested could you breastfeed for at least the first few days so your baby has the benefit of colostrum? It’s completely your choice obviously but I’d be worried about a baby’s immunity when there are three older siblings bringing in lots of germs/bugs from school etc. I’d also worry that you’d feel guilty if your baby ended up being sickly -even if not breastfeeding had nothing to do with it.

I mixed fed and it worked very well, I also mostly expressed so my DC had bottles from the very start. I know pumping is a pain but if you could commit to it for say 6 weeks or whatever then you’ll know there’s a means to an end. That way you won’t have the issues you talked about as anyone will be able to feed your baby. Just a suggestion though, if you don’t want to breastfeed at all you don’t have to x

If it were me I would try to breastfeed initially and then at least try to mix feed.

One of the important things about breast milk is that it contains bacteria which help protect your baby. The sad thing is that if you have a girl and FF, not only is your DD missing out on those protective bacteria, but any offspring she has will miss out on them too.

In the same way, babies lose out on vital bacteria when born via c-section. I had DS by EMCS and I'm glad I did because he had the cord wrapped around his neck, but it's not something I would have chosen otherwise. I breastfed him even though it would have been much more convenient to FF, because he would be losing out otherwise.

I'm sure people will consider me judgemental but I'm not trying to be - the science is what the science is 🤷‍♀️

The sad thing is that if you have a girl and FF, not only is your DD missing out on those protective bacteria, but any offspring she has will miss out on them too.

I should have said some of them. There are certain bacteria that are only passed on through breastfeeding.

As you've breastfed for extended period, you'll know how it isn't just food for a baby, and is a source of comfort for newborns to toddlers. I personally would struggle to 'parent' without that crutch (for many physical and emotional reasons). You might find that your baby is quite adaptable to the idea of formula and a bottle after the first 6 weeks or so, but the idea of shutting off that side of motherhood, when that's what you've known, seems quite tough (for you).

My concern would be if your new baby was entirely FF and say he or she developed asthma ear infections eczema etc will you always wonder if it would be less severe if they were breastfed.

I was breastfed and ended up with all of these conditions.

OP, fed is best. You have 3 other children to care for between you and your DH. You should just do what is best for you and your family and not feel guilty about it.

I don't think you should treat this baby any differently from the others. I'm the youngest and the way my parent brought me up was different to my siblings. They'd clearly got bored with baby raising and it showed. Treat this one the same way you did your first.

Do whatever you want too. Your child your choice.

Mix feeding is not generally difficult. You won't be going the course the minute baby is out so why not BF the first few weeks and then figure it out. That way the most important antibodies are transferred. After that, you do what works for you.

Entirely your choice op. We choose to bf or not for many different reasons. Only you can decide how you feel about it.

As a mum of 4, I bf my first 2 although I didn't even manage 6 months.

I didn't even try with my youngest two (dt's). I've been shocked by how many people have questioned my feeding choice though. You may end up feeling as though you have to defend your decision to ff so if you feel any guilt about it, it could get upsetting.

The reality is that it's nobodies business but yours and you would be quite reasonable to tell the nosey bastards people this!

As a side, DC2 bf longer than the others, partly due to expressing some feeds for dp to bottle feed. He is the only one with eczema and other allergies.

It’s not true that mixed feeding doesn’t work.

The situation is far more complex than that.

The reason mixed feeding fails for some is they introduce formula too early before their milk supply is established. And another important thing is not to skip too many feeds in the evening/overnight because that messages to your hormones to keep producing.

A lot of the time when people say mixed feeding didn’t work it’s because they started using formula overnight exclusively right away and that killed their supply.