To consider NOT breastfeeding dc4 when I've breastfed the others?

[Fairyboost]

Currently expecting my 4th child. I breastfed my first for 6 weeks, and then breastfed the other 2 for over 2 years each, and have only recently finished weaning the youngest. Dc2 and 3 never really took a bottle of expressed milk so even though it was handy to not have to sterilise etc, it was a pain to not be able to go anywhere with out them while they were babies. Also, DH and I couldn't have a night out for so long.

I'm considering not breastfeeding when the new baby arrives. Mainly because I am planning on doing a course soon after the baby arrives which will mean that DH will have the baby for 1.5 days each week. But also because I'm worn out from 5 years of it and need some bodily independence. Also, saggy leaky norks, lack of estrogen (and resulting dryness 🙈), hormonal fluctuations, baby not settling for dh.

I know it's my choice, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. But part of me feels a bit guilty because I fed the older kids, and I fear that the new baby will somehow miss out if I bottle feed (which I know is ridiculous).

Ianbu am I?

Name change because this may be an unpopular opinion, but I really wouldn't formula feed because you want your boobs to yourself. I think you may feel guilty and change your mindand then it'll be too late to establish a good milk supply. If anything I would breastfeed for the first few weeks (to reduce the risks of SIDS) and when the baby is about 2 months old I would have a think again.

I agree that it is comoletely up to you but I think because youre oregnant you are probably already feeling trapped / body sharing.

To ease the possible feelings of guilt i would definitely consider breastfeeding for the first few weeks at least.
I didn't breastfeed my first child but I did breastfeed the rest. The difference between how well we bonded (and how well we are still bonding 7 years later) is really big. My eldest doesn't come for me for cuddles or comfort half as much as the others do. I have to actively try to be as close as I naturally am with the others. And it has taken a toll and I really believe its because i didnt breastfeed him and I did breastfeed the others for 2/4 years each.
I would think about it very hard because I am still feeling the loss of bonding time now- and he is 7.

So long as you can say to each child that you tried to do what was best for them at the time, it doesn’t matter if that "best" is different for each one.

Interesting about the link between breastfeeding immunity and reduction in asthma, ear infections and eczema. I was exclusively breastfed and suffered from all three 😂

It's a bit weird that people are falling over themselves to offer annecdotes which contradict statistical evidence. Statistics show what's most likely, annecdotes show exceptions.

My 3 babies were breastfed and have no allergies and are very rarely ill, often go a school year without a day off, we never had a phase of constant illness when they started preschool having previously been home with me either. We've never had that allegedly inevitable phase of frequent illn

Oops posted too soon - we've never had that phase of allegedly inevitable frequent illness, it passed our family by completely, but I personally think that was because the kids weren't over exposed to germ soup when their immune systems were at their most immature, but had their immune systems exposed and developed more gradually through getting out and about daily and playing outside daily rather than being confined to a room with other babies very early.

None of that proves a single thing though - it's just anecdotes.

The op isn't stupid, she knows the benefits of breastfeeding, pretending they are fake news because of individual exceptions is pretty insulting, akin to an antivaxer shouting about how their unvaccinated children are healthy.

SIDS protection is one of the biggest reasons to breastfeed.

If the op doesn't care what we think then that's absolutely fine. It's her choice entirely, obviously. However it's pretty low to try to talk her out of even doing a couple of weeks - if you've successfully breastfed before it's usually pretty easy, and doing it for the first few weeks isn't committing to extended breastfeeding.

Starting breastfeeding and doing it for two or three weeks gives the baby the most important benefits and the mother the choice of continuing, mixed feeding or stopping entirely and FF.

Never starting removes all choice - you can't change your mind after 2-3 weeks if you never start, you have all the choices open if you do start.

The OP is here looking for support - she’s worn out from bf and her life is changing with a course planned. Why so many posts trying to make her feel guilty for making a perfectly reasonable decision for her and her family. No wonder depression in new mums is on the rise.

Trying to be completely practical about it and think what option is most likely to be the one you look back on and think yep I'm happy with that - yes I'd start off breastfeeding. Here are the reasons:

• you can start and then stop at anytime. But you can't start again if you ff from the off. So, given that you're clearly conflicted about it, give yourself BOTH options by starting off BF. You don't know how you'll feel immediately post-partum and the last thing you want is to completely change your mind and be a sobbing mess 5 weeks in because you regret it, feel guilty, DC4 is allergic to formula types etc. However if you start off and feel just as you thought you would and hate it, you can switch to ff and you'll be able to say 'Well I actually tried it and I know for a fact it wasn't what I wanted to do.'

• You sound like you're going to be conflicted anyway, regardless of which decision you make. Starting off BF gives you quite a lot of the best of both worlds. You can give up after a month and be able to say, they were bf for first few crucial weeks, got my antibodies, had the colostrum etc. Most folk would agree that that's a huge thing, esp colostrum. So I'd do that.

• Yes, starting off BF is (in a way) what you've said you DON'T want to do because part of the point of not BF is to NOT have those first couple of weeks of grimness!! BUT. Like I've said, you're clearly conflicted and you'll probably remain so. So, standing back from it all I would just say that it is probably worth a couple of weeks of going through with the BF in order to gain later, and over the much longer term, in peace of mind.

So that is what I would do, as a simple weighing up of what is most likely to be the path with the least risk of ending up feeling you made the wrong decision. Nothing to do with which is the 'right' answer, there isn't one. Good luck.

Parker231 it's not genuinely supportive to encourage someone to do something they've said they are afraid they might regret, and can't go back from. Much more supportive to be realistic and encourage the choice which keeps as many options as possible open. The OP can and should make the decision which is right for her, but it isn't supportive to talk her into a choice she might regret.

YANBU, you need to do what is right for you, your baby will still have a great start to life on formula. WHO recommendations are based globally, where not everyone is fortunate enough to have access to clean water and the facilities to sterilise bottles etc. Much of their guidance is also based on safeguarding children from low income backgrounds, where it might be challenging for the parents to afford enough formula. A lot of the studies highlighting the benefits or breastfeeding are actually fairly flawed in terms of medical studies, as ethically they cannot control the variables to the extent they would need to. Also how can they predict how many BF would have otherwise have developed allergies, and many studies suggest that it is actually more to do with the demographics of those who choose to formula feed which affect the results.

Anyhow sorry for the rant, BF'ing is great and no doubt has amazing benefits, but formula nowadays provides what your baby needs to grow. Your mental and physical health is important, and we are fortunate as women that we have the choice, and either can be carried out safely. If your child resents you for not BF'ing then there's probably bigger issues. However, be sure whatever you chose is what you want, I agree with others that it might be worth doing a few weeks but also introducing a bottle, so you don't close the door too early. Relactation further down the line takes ALOT of work!

anothernotherone - the OP is an experienced bf and knows the positives and negatives. This thread will just make the OP feel guilty when she has no reason to - let’s be positive not negative!

Some of that came out wrong and I am not against breastfeeding and know there are advantages; but women should also have access to all of the facts and not feel scared or bullied into BF'ing when the alternative isn't exactly that terrible.

Parker231 being positive and talking her out of even doing a couple of weeks breastfeeding to leave her options open aren't the same thing though. Talking someone into burning a bridge because they think they might not want to cross it is less positive than encouraging them to leave the bridge standing and see how they feel with no obligation to cross the bridge at any point. I can't think of a better parallel, though this thread puts me in mind of classmates on a course I did encouraging one another to drop out because they had done or were thinking of doing so themselves and wanted to feel better about it, and yes it was stressful, but once you'd dropped out you couldn't rejoin, whereas if you kept plodding along you hadn't signed a commitment in blood not to drop out later if you reached a point where you needed to, and the chance of qualifying remained ...

I breastfed my Ds until he was 18months.

DD didn't breastfeed, for whatever reason my milk didn't come through and we did try. She went on the bottle when she was screaming with hunger. None of this cup.feeding malarky and I didn't feel any guilt.

But I'm so glad there wasn't the constant drip of guilt via the internet that mums face these days. We just did what suited us the best. Which is exactly what you should do. Anyone who suggests otherwise is a.knobhead and isn't worth any headspace.

When my babies were very new I would hit the bed for 9pm and DH would give the last feed, a bottle at 11 ish. This would usually give me another 4 hours. That decent stretch of sleep was invaluable when facing a full day with children.

The most important thing is finding what works for you, to help you through the long tiring days.

It will make absolutely no difference.
Do what works for you.

(Also this thread makes me realise one of the biggest things new mums have to face is unhelpful and judgy other mums. So sad. Putting other mums down seems to be a speciality.)

My breast fed second born has asthma and eczema.

First born nothing. He was formula fed.
However as a baby he was so sickly. The breast fed one very healthy.

Personally I think breast feeding is far easier than formula feeding.

It's your choice, just be sure you're making an informed one!

Breast milk contains antibodies - the baby is less likely to get ill
It adapts to be the perfect consistency depending on how thirsty baby is, to keep them perfectly hydrated
It reduces the risk of cot death
Breastmilk is nutritionally perfect, formula isn't
Studies have shown that breastfeeding mums sleep for 45 minutes longer at night, on average
Breastfeeding releases oxytocin. You're less likely to suffer from PND
It optimizes the baby's brain development and reduces the chance of neurological problems
The baby is less likely to develop asthma or eczema, or juvenile diabetes
Most formula uses cows milk, which means cows have been impregnated and their calves taken soon after birth, and usually slaughtered, to make it. Don't get me wrong, I eat dairy products myself so I'm not judging - it's just something to be aware of!

She's breastfed three other kids - of course she's making an informed choice!

I bf both dc for 6/7 months then moved to formula, I'm all for supporting either but come on....

Studies have shown that breastfeeding mums sleep for 45 minutes longer at night, on average

^ this is absolute bollocks.

All my friends who bf from birth got much less sleep than those who formula fed as they often (quite rightly) shared the night feeds with their partner.

As soon as our dc switched to formula at 6/7 months I got a lot more sleep.

And pretty sure the op is fully informed as she's breastfed 3 already

I think I’d shoot for what you did with DC1 as there is a certain logic to that and then see how you feel. You may feel different when the baby arrives of course. But I can see how after 2 fed for 2 years you don’t want psychologically to commit to that! Nor do I think you should. but ultimately your choice of course!

It's a bit weird that people are falling over themselves to offer annecdotes which contradict statistical evidence. Statistics show what's most likely, annecdotes show exceptions.

Agreed. The difference between anecdotes and data should be drilled into children at school!

@mustdrivesoon I haven't read the full thread but I don't think that fact is true my close friend breastfed exclusively and her son suffers with bad Asthma and Eczema

If you breastfed the older 3, including 2 of them for over two years each, then breastfeeding must have been quite important to you in the past - the vast majority of women in this country don't feed for anywhere close to that long. I'd imagine just because of that that it's possible you might surprise yourself by feeling differently about it when DC4 is actually here (although obviously the circumstances have changed a bit and you may not). Why not just wait and see how you feel when the time comes? You could buy in a couple of bottles of formula so that you're prepared and wait and see what you want to do. Congratulations on your pregnancy, by the way.

OP, I've been a childminder for the last 8 years, my mum has been one for the last 25 years. Between us we have had lots of children through our doors, some bf, some ff. It makes no difference. Some children are prone to illness, some are not. Do what you feel best for you.