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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To consider NOT breastfeeding dc4 when I've breastfed the others?

138 replies

Fairyboost · 07/06/2019 14:28

Currently expecting my 4th child. I breastfed my first for 6 weeks, and then breastfed the other 2 for over 2 years each, and have only recently finished weaning the youngest. Dc2 and 3 never really took a bottle of expressed milk so even though it was handy to not have to sterilise etc, it was a pain to not be able to go anywhere with out them while they were babies. Also, DH and I couldn't have a night out for so long.

I'm considering not breastfeeding when the new baby arrives. Mainly because I am planning on doing a course soon after the baby arrives which will mean that DH will have the baby for 1.5 days each week. But also because I'm worn out from 5 years of it and need some bodily independence. Also, saggy leaky norks, lack of estrogen (and resulting dryness 🙈), hormonal fluctuations, baby not settling for dh.

I know it's my choice, and I don't really care what anyone else thinks. But part of me feels a bit guilty because I fed the older kids, and I fear that the new baby will somehow miss out if I bottle feed (which I know is ridiculous).

Ianbu am I?

OP posts:
anothernotherone · 07/06/2019 15:21

I think given the fact that you know you can breadtfeed it would be pretty unreasonable not even to breastfeed for the first week to give the benefits of colostrum.

Perhaps breastfeed for a week or two then introduce bottles with a flexible attitude to whether you mixed feed or go with the flow of FF if your baby won't take the breast.

Parker231 · 07/06/2019 15:24

Do what works best for you and your family. I never wanted to bf mine. They were ff from day one and everyone was happy and healthy. If you ff this baby you’ll still be giving it an excellent start in life - congratulations.

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 15:28

I think given the fact that you know you can breadtfeed it would be pretty unreasonable not even to breastfeed for the first week to give the benefits of colostrum
I disagree, why put pressure on the Op if she is feeling worn out.
Surely if she is feeling like this now she may feel worse after the baby arrives.

Going from what she has said ( including that she doesn't care what we think) it would be better keeping her energy, bonding with the baby as not to cause resentment if she really doesn't want to be.

StrumpersPlunkett · 07/06/2019 15:29

If you are comfortable with mix feeding you could introduce a bed time bottle after a couple of weeks making sure your milk was established.
I didn’t even try mix feeding just stuck with boobs but my friend did it very happily from about 3 weeks.

gnushoes · 07/06/2019 15:31

Kids hold weird things against you as they get older and it's possible your fourth child will wonder as they grew up why you fed them differently. That sort of stuff enters family mythology. For that reason I'd try to mix feed and start off b/f.

hoorayforharoldlloyd · 07/06/2019 15:34

My mum exclusively breastfed all of us. Two of my siblings have asthma and exczma and my mum had breast cancer, so stats don't always mean that exact experience for everyone.

Your baby will not know the difference. The only issue might be if you feel guilty. As a previous poster said, no child in a family has exactly the same experience as a sibling anyway. I'm successfully mixed feeding if that helps - this was from the start due to being premature, there's been no nipple confusion etc. Which could of course be luck.

See how you feel when baby arrives - your decision will be the right one for your family. And congratulations!

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 15:34

gnushoes

Kids hold weird things against you as they get older and it's possible your fourth child will wonder as they grew up why you fed them differently
Blimey, that's a bit of a weird one. My two have never asked about feeding.( Both different) I didn't know until last year how I was fed ( ff apparently and sister bf and brother ff) it only came up as we were watching a programme about babies and my sister asked mum. I cant say its made a difference to us!!

Teddybear45 · 07/06/2019 15:37

Why can’t you express? Many women return to work after 3 months and combine working full time and long commutes with expressing. Not sure why you can’t manage that with a course?

maidenover · 07/06/2019 15:39

I’ve just had my 3rd, DC1 was BF along with one bottle a day and I BF DC2 for 8 months until I went back to work. I am currently BFing and will ideally keep going until he drops his night feed. I would like to introduce a bottle, which will have to be formula because I can’t express before then though.

What is different this time though is that I am perfectly prepared to knock breastfeeding on the head whenever it stops working for me though and I honestly couldn’t give a fuck what anyone else thinks about this. Millions of women don’t BF so there is no reason why I shouldn’t be one of them. It’s very liberating and to be honest the only reason I’m keeping going is because I hate washing up and I have no idea how to organise bottles for a night feeds, so at the moment it feels like I’m taking the easy option.

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 15:39

Teddybear45
Op gave other reasons apart from her course.
Did you just selective read?

madcatladyforever · 07/06/2019 15:40

I didn't breast feed my son for more than a few weeks and he's 36 now and a disgustingly healthy marathon runner.

Happyspud · 07/06/2019 15:40

Sounds fab! I had 4 and every time debated this exact thing but in the end bf all for at least the first 6 months (combi feeding from 6 weeks as I went back to work).

But do you know what? My life and enjoyment of those early weeks would definitely have been higher if I’d just bottle fed.

Original poster
Fairyboost · 07/06/2019 15:50

Really encouraging to hear about all the mixed feeding Grin Not sure why it's so frowned upon amongst lactation consultants when it obviously can work.

I think my attitude might change closer to my due date. I agree that it would be great for the baby to get the colostrum. But when I think back to the first 12 weeks of breastfeeding, and how exhausting it is with the cluster feeding etc 🙈 Plus not being able to hand over to DH because of nipple/teat aversion/confusion.

Bit strange to think that 1 child might later resent the other for not being breastfed. My eldest brother was the only one of us who was bf and I can assure you that none of us ever held it against him!

OP posts:
kidsmakesomuchwashing · 07/06/2019 15:54

Ignore anyone who gives you any negativity - There's nothing wrong with FF it's your choice. I BF baby number one until 1year. But then had a mastectomy and have had to FF baby number two because I didn't have a choice. It's been fine. :-) good luck x

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 15:59

Not sure why it's so frowned upon amongst lactation consultants when it obviously can work.
Take no notice. They were giving this advice 24 years ago when DS1 was born. The reason apparently was the baby would get confused between a nipple and a teat. I call bullshit on that one!! Babies in general adapt. Someone will come in say there baby could only do a breast or their baby could only do a bottle but it appears in general babies are amazing creatures who are quick learners and soon know they are going to be fed and will manage to get their milk!

Bambamber · 07/06/2019 16:04

I have never even thought to ask my mum how I was fed. I know my much younger siblings were breastfed, It wouldn't even cross my mind to harbour resentment if I was fed differently. What a bizarre thing to get worked up about.

Just because the OP has physically been able to breastfeed her previous children, it doesn't automatically mean she would be physically able to this time. Anything can happen.

OP I would see how you feel closer to the time. If you leak colostrum before you give birth you could always try and collect some in syringes and freeze it. And then if you don't feel like breast feeding you could give the baby the colostrum you harvested beforehand so you get best of both worlds.

It will never cease to amaze me that women always go on about women's right to choice especially when it comes to their own bodies, yet it is deemed acceptable to pressure and guilt a woman into breastfeeding if she doesn't want to. And yes I am a believer that breast is best. I'm currently breastfeeding a toddler while pregnant. But I also believe that formula is a healthy, nutritionally complete food. It is not the devil, and in some circumstances, formula really is the better option.

Bouncebacker · 07/06/2019 16:09

If I had another I would just do it differently - mix feed probably and make the bedtime feed a formula feed from the start so I could go out in the evenings (I just couldn’t pump). I would totally still breastfeeding feed though because I do think it’s the best thing for babies, but I loved it (after the hideous first six weeks) and happy, relaxed, confident Mums are best for babies too - if you decide not too and you feel better, that’s the right decision for you.

Kungfupanda67 · 07/06/2019 16:12

In my experience (and friends who have successfully mix-fed) mixed feeding works when that’s your plan from the beginning and you have consistent times for bottle/breast. My daughter has one bottle feed a day (bed time feed so that I can go out if I want to) and the rest breast fed. I’ve done this from a few days old so nipple confusion isn’t an issue, supply isn’t a problem because it’s consistent.

It also means that last week when I had a keep in touch day at work that my mum could look after her for me and I wasn’t worrying all day that she wouldn’t be fed.

InsertFunnyUsername · 07/06/2019 16:14

YANBU just because you have BF before does not mean its what you have to do from now on. There is nothing to feel guilty about! I would just see how you feel running up to giving birth, try not to put so much pressure in yourself.

Caterina99 · 07/06/2019 16:40

I mix fed both my kids. DS was because breastfeeding was a struggle and he was mix fed for 5 months with barely any bf by the end.

with DD 2 years later I actively planned to mix feed. She had a bottle of formula a day from 2 days old until I started weaning at 6 months. Completely stopped bf by 9 months. It was my choice to stop bf her, we could’ve continued. I felt it was the best of both worlds as I had the convenience and health benefits of bf, but I could leave her whenever I wanted as she’d take a bottle happily

ethelfleda · 07/06/2019 16:44

I think you know YANBU. You even said you don’t care what anyone thinks so why ask? Are you trying to start a debate?

chardonm · 07/06/2019 17:01

Gosh I can't even believe some of the responses here. Don't feel guilty whatsoever and so whatever works best for you.

The only reservation I would have, which I even hesitate to bring up given this thread, is whether you will regret it and miss the "bonding" and closeness. If you are sure you won't then I wouldn't even think twice about it.

Good luck with the course!

Ginger1982 · 07/06/2019 17:22

@gnushoes what a load of nonsense!

OP, do what is best for you. Don't let anyone on here guilt you into breastfeeding if it's not what you want.

Dana28 · 07/06/2019 17:35

BF is best for the baby. Fact. However you cut it you are putting your wishes ahead of the baby's best interests. There is no getting away from that.

notacooldad · 07/06/2019 17:37

*Dana28

BF is best for the baby. Fact. However you cut it you are putting your wishes ahead of the baby's best interests. There is no getting away from that.

FFS
what a nasty judgemental post.

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