That he isn't THAT busy while WFH.

[Itactuallyneverends]

Disclaimer, I love DH very much but bloody hell he pisses me off sometimes .......
I commute 2 hours per day.
DH WFH.
We both train daily, plus DH has sport commitments for himself and DSS 4 nights per week.
We have a cleaner.
Every bloody night I come home and something needs doing before I can start dinner. Either it's dishes in the sinks, dishwasher needing unloaded, bins needing going out, washing bringing in. I am
Completely demented by it.
I know he's busy. But surely if he has time to go to the gym or take DSS to sport or training himself. He can unload a bloody dishwasher.
When asked, he says oh sorry been manic. Surely he's not that busy to do one small job through the day ....
rant over, I've just taken all our bins out in the dark. Going to pour a large wine and do nothing til DH gets home in an hour.
(Ps live overseas, don't have a drink problem ....)

I agree op he could be doing basics while wfh. My H is the same. He can meet his mother for a coffee every Friday but can't put the buns out or clear the litter tray!

Agree you should stop the coffee in bed, stop lunch prepping and let him cook and launder for himself.

I save 1.5h whilst working from home (1h of commute plus lunch taken at home). My work also encourage hourly screen breaks, and I find they massively boost my productivity.

So in my WFH day, I not only get about 20% actual more work done, I also do all my laundry, tidy up this and that, prep some homemade food to last a couple of days and leave everything tidy for the cleaner.

When my husband works from home, he acts as if there is no time whatsoever to even move three feet to put a tissue or banana skin in the bin. He leaves a trail of detritus everywhere which NO WAY would be acceptable in his office!

Why on earth are you prepping his breakfast and lunch?!

Stop making him a drink in the mornng and enabling him to lie around like Lord Muck watching the news while you dash around like a blue-arsed fly!

Sit down with a list of chores. Include all the life admin and wifework on there too - shopping for birthday presents etc.

Divvy them up. Say which have to be done before you get in from work.

Then don't do anything that's not on your list. Stop prepping breakfast and lunch for him too.

If he doesn't pull his weight, stop cooking for him. Laze arse.

Why when you’re out of the house for 12 hours, did you cook/prep three meals a day for him?

Fuck that.

I haven’t rtfs but here’s my perspective. I work from home (well I run a business from home). I don’t do ANY housework during the day when I’m working, other than say emptying dishwasher while making lunch or similar.

Dh does have an hour and half commute each way - but I start work before he even leaves the house and finish just before he gets home.

I do my fair share of the housework, but... it doesn’t take place during my working day.

I think it’s telling you say he leaves the mess ‘for you’.
I kind of asked earlier, why don’t you both tidy it up when you get home, or what would happen if you didn’t? Just ask him to do dinner and let him get on with tidying the bits that need doing for him to do so.

When I worked from home I certainly wouldn't have been cleaning because I had a lot to do and wasn't being paid to clean my house, but I would have a normal lunch that you'd have in the office (IE quick sandwich or some microwaved leftovers) and then spend my lunch break moving the laundry over, cleaning breakfast dishes etc. Just those little jobs. It seems like it's the little jobs that you're talking about.

Tell him to stop being a lazy arse.

Oh, FFS, Itactually. First of all, pulling one's weight in life is not 'helping' and why, why the fuck are you serving this man drinks in bed like Lord Fauntleroy and prepping all his meals? Honestly, who does this? I don't even prep all my kids' meals!

He landed on his feet with you.

Just stop with all the catering for starters. Stop it cold. No more. He balks or asks you just say you're tired of being a short order chef and he's an adult.

Just stop doing anything for him.

Thanks all. I get your point. But I prep for myself so it's seems petty not to do his too.
I don't want to leave stuff til after dinner as I like to be in bed early due utter exhaustion and my daily early start! I like to look after people and I'm naturally like that however I do wish I'd get the same in return.

Why can't he ever prep for both of you?

You're being taken for a mug OP.

Stop being a bloody martyr.

Well, then, he'll just continue to mug you off. He's never going to do anything in return for you. Why would he? He's shown you he puts himself first and you enable it, so why on Earth would he change? But it sounds like it's working for you on some level to martyr yourself so by all means crack on, accepting that this is how he is.

Yeah, he’s a nob.

I WFH 3/5 days. I save 2 hours commuting time, get a 1 hour lunch break plus tea breaks. That’s basically 3.5 hours to get house shit done.

So DH comes home to an immaculate house, washing done, etc.

DH WFH one day last week when I was in the office - did fuck all around the house all day and just added to the mess so I came home to a shit tip

Men just aren’t wired up the same way.

Stop making excuses @MrsPinkCock - just cause your DH is a lazy bugger doesn't mean they all are!

I was away Friday night and then out all day yesterday. Got home at 7pm to an immaculate house - dog has been walked, all the housework done, bed stripped - I didn't ask him to do any of that, he just did it because he's an adult who realises the house doesn't clean itself!

There's a saying - if you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got!
If you are not willing to take action and stop being a doormat, your husband will continue to wipe his feet all over you.

I work from the office part of the week (3 hour commute each way) and from home part of the week. I don’t do household chores during my work day (perhaps different because I need all my work hours as they are dictated by childcare when I wfh). But like everyone should my dh and I use the hours before and after work to get things done. He needs to make time in his day for that outside of work hours and you need to stop facilitating him doing nothing for himself.

Let him get out of bed, get his own coffee and start loading the dishwasher, making breakfast and tidying before work. While he is making lunch he can wipe the counter down. He can throw something in a slow cooker before he heads to the gym. If he can’t get enough done, he’ll need to get up earlier or free up an evening. I truly don’t think my dh or I have ever had coffee in bed reading the news on a work day. That needs to be saved for a lazy weekend.

Thanks all. I get your point. But I prep for myself so it's seems petty not to do his too. I don't want to leave stuff til after dinner as I like to be in bed early due utter exhaustion and my daily early start! I like to look after people and I'm naturally like that however I do wish I'd get the same in return

I see. So you don’t want to change what you are doing in any way. You just want people on the internet to magically make your husband change his ways.

Good luck with that.