That he isn't THAT busy while WFH.

[Itactuallyneverends]

Disclaimer, I love DH very much but bloody hell he pisses me off sometimes .......
I commute 2 hours per day.
DH WFH.
We both train daily, plus DH has sport commitments for himself and DSS 4 nights per week.
We have a cleaner.
Every bloody night I come home and something needs doing before I can start dinner. Either it's dishes in the sinks, dishwasher needing unloaded, bins needing going out, washing bringing in. I am
Completely demented by it.
I know he's busy. But surely if he has time to go to the gym or take DSS to sport or training himself. He can unload a bloody dishwasher.
When asked, he says oh sorry been manic. Surely he's not that busy to do one small job through the day ....
rant over, I've just taken all our bins out in the dark. Going to pour a large wine and do nothing til DH gets home in an hour.
(Ps live overseas, don't have a drink problem ....)

The cooking would stop. Pick up a ready meal on the way home and pop it in the microwave. 'Oh, what about dinner?' 'Well, I knew the sink and dishwasher wouldn't be cleared out so I'm not going to bother with cooking from now on, just leads to more mess that doesn't get cleaned up' And I'd do NOTHING for him at all. Nothing at all. Wash your own dishes by hand, put only your washing in and hang it out. 'What happened to mine?' 'Well, since you're not pulling your own weight then it's up to you to sort your personal property.'

@BackforGood No he shouldn't routinely do housework during the working day when he is being paid to work. And he shouldn't have stuff dumped on him without consultation.

He should complete his fair share of the housework (50%). When he does that is up to him. If he is not doing so, not pulling his weight, then OP has cause to complain, but it has nothing to do with the fact that he WfH.

It is not reasonable for her to leave stuff for him to do while he is working without prior agreement. As I said in an earlier post, it would be like OP arriving at work and finding that her DH had put cheques to bank, a prescription to pick up and a parcel to drop off in her bag, expecting her to do it at lunchtime (or otherwise during her working day), without consultation, simply because she was going to be out of the house.

He should not do extra stuff because he works from home. He should do his fair half share because he is an able bodied member of the household who should pull his weight. That is all.

It sounds to me more like he isn't pulling his weight around the house generally and that the working from home issue is a bit of red herring. When working from home you should be doing your work which earns money to contribute to the household. You should not be leaving a mess for others to clean up however.
But you should be doing your fair share of the household chores, irrelevant where you work. If you are not able to do this then you need to cut back on activities in your free time in order to pull your weight and not expect a partner to pick up the slack.
Yeah.. I am still resentful about my lazy ex.

Mine doesn’t lift a finger when WFH but in the office can magic up two hour lunch breaks at the pub, early finishes to go to the pub and games of squash. Oh and walks to the sandwich shop daily.

But cannot do the dishes. I’m teaching our child very different ways as don’t think they should subject a partner to this level of contempt.

Working from home is exactly the same as working in the workplace, just in a different location. If you don't have time to do chores when working in the office, don't expect someone else to have time to do so just because they happen to be working at home. They are working, and their downtime from work should be exactly the same as it is when they work in the office.

^ This!

I'm out the house a minimum of 12 hours a day. There is no way he puts in a 12 hour shift daily ....... I'm not asking him to mow the lawn or clear out the garage. But just not leave stuff for me to do the minute I get home !!

Of course he should do more than the WOTH parent, as he has 2 hours more at home every day. Why is that difficult for you to grasp mrsm43s ??
No, his partner shouldn't have to leave him jobs. He should be able to see them / notice them for himself, but if he hasn't been, then it isn't unreasonable for the other adult to mention them.

You say he shouldn't routinely do housework during the working day when he is being paid to work, but no-one is advocating that.
I presume, if you have lunch in the staff room at work, then you are expected to clear up after yourself ? So why not do it at home ?

The hanging out washing thing is just common sense. Say you are contracted to work 8 hours a day (be that in time or be that in the 'amount of work you are expected to get done), the real advantage of working from home is that you can start 15mins earlier, or finish 10 mins later, or choose to have 10mins for lunch or 30mins, or an hour, and, in the time you create, it just makes so much more sense to put your washing out at 10 in the morning, than at 5.30 in the evening, similarly put your dinner in the slow cooker at 11am rather than 6pm. Also, that the dishwasher you are emptying when you are boiling the kettle / brewing your tea / eating your sandwich, is your dishwasher and not the one in the staffroom at work. Nobody is suggesting taking 30ins off your work time to clean the bathrooms or push the vacuum round, just notice things around him, and do things in a logical order.

Like I do, when I wfh.

I'm out the house a minimum of 12 hours a day.

But are you working 12 hours a day?

Or do you read a book/Mumsnet/watch Netflix/whatever on your commute? Do you have a lunch break? Do you chat (non-work) with colleagues? Check the news headlines or have a quick surf of the internet during the working day? Or is every single minute of the 12 hours spent either head down working hard, or doing chores? Because that is what you are saying your DH should do, fill his every bit of downtime with chores.

The house shouldn't be messier than it was when you left - he should clear his own stuff, for sure.

But leaving chores for him to do during his working day is not on.

@BackforGood Yes of course he should put his cup/plate etc in the diswasher/clean up after himself - I've said that repeatedly.

However, with 2 full time workers, chores should be split equally. Chores, incidentally, would include stuff like ferrying kids around, which is what he was doing whilst OP was commuting.

Lunch breaks at work are downtime (when not worked through, regardless if you are in the office or at home)
Commutes for workers are often downtime (I'm a London commuter, and literally everyone reads/internet surfs/watches movies on the train)
Plenty of downtime breaks for office workers throughout the working day. A quick chat at the watercooler, taking 5 for a cup of tea and a surf of the internet etc.

WfH parents are entitled to similar downtime. Just because you sit in an office to work it doesn't make you work harder or your job more important than the person who is doing the same from their own home.

When I am working from home, I am paid to work. I am not paid to hang washing on the line. If I was away for 15 mins doing so, it would show on Skype that I was unavailable, and if questioned "Sorry I was hanging the washing/loading the dishwasher etc" would certainly not be met with approval.

@mrsm43s
I'm not saying he should fill every bit of downtime with chores.......
My day looks like this, 6am wake get ready for work pack gym stuff, lunch etc. make tea, bring DH drink in bed, stick washing in or out, quick tidy up. Commute to work, this week been spent planning next holiday and sorting out Father's Day and up
Coming birthdays back home in uk.
Work, gym at lunch, work - during that time I'll tidy communal kitchen, stack dishwasher etc. shock horror durning my paid time. Commute home.
Arrive home at 7, DH out at sport etc.
There will generally be something to do, tonight it was bins in the dark and the dishwasher was full but not on and washing needed hanging out. I made dinner and prepped our b'fast and lunch for the next day. DH arrived home midway through. He helped with the clearing up after. But didn't help with dinner as DSS was upset for was texting him (completely ok) in bed by 9:30..... shattered.
DH's day, get up 7/7:30, drink coffee in bed, catch up on news. Work for an hour. Gym. Eat prepped b'fast. Work. Eat prepped lunch. Work. Dump all cups, glasses, containers in sink, leave for training.
Why oh why can't he help a little?

That's not a WfH issue.

That's a husband not pulling his weight issue.

Stop prepping his food for him. Take it in turns or each do your own.

Agree with him which chores are his to do and which are yours to do.

Don't expect him to do them during his working hours. Don't expect him not to have a lunch break.

Do expect him to do his fair share at some point, outside of his working day.

@mrsm43s you are completely missing the point.

Am I?

I think from your update it doesn't sound like he does enough.

He should, as you do, do chores before and after work. You should share them equally.

What am I missing? What else do you want?

That you're nit picking over the WFH issue. He doesn't have to clock in and out, so yes at some point when he or ANY person WFH they have the capacity to unload a dishwasher or put out a bin in daylight ..... oh and the Skype for business thing, there is a simple solution to that so you always appear 'active'

I stand by what I said about not doing housework when WfH. But WfH is not your issue. Your issue is that he's not pulling his weight generally, which obviously isn't ok. He should be doing half the chores in addition to his working day, which he currently isn't.

Incidentally, how do you remain looking active on Skype for business? Asking for a friend, obviously!

I think we'll agree to disagree, but I do agree he doesn't do enough and he admits that himself.

Haha ! @mrsm43s you play a movie. Any media player. Keeps your computer from falling asleep. So you can get that load of washing out after all ......

When I am working from home, I am paid to work. I am not paid to hang washing on the line. If I was away for 15 mins doing so, it would show on Skype that I was unavailable

Me too, but as a professional, I am trusted to get my work done. Nobody cares if I take a 15min break at 10am or at 5pm. Why do you find that so difficult to grasp ?
I could start at 9, have a 30min break at 1pm and finish at 5.30 and will have worked 8 hours.
or
I could take a 15min break at 10am and only take 15mins at 1.30
or
I could start at 8.45 and take a 15min break at 10am
or
I could work until 5.45
etc.etc.etc

.......there are all sorts of options that mean I work the same number of hours across the day. I'm not sure why that is difficult for you to understand ?
It just makes sense for work life balance to do something like hanging the washing out whilst it has 7 hours of sunshine to dry it, or to put the dinner in while it has the time to cook it, rather than not having a break in the day then clocking off at 5.30 to a machine full of wet washing or a load of uncooked chilli ingredients.

Ah, I WFH and I would be aggrieved if my DH expected me to have done household tasks during my work time. I may get the washing pegged out or breakfast pots cleared away but generally not much more if I’m on back to back calls and actually working. Having said that because I WFH and he commutes I do usually collect the children/start dinner/unload the dishwasher before he gets back. Clearing away after dinner and reloading the dishwasher/cleaning round the kitchen is his job. It’s about being fair isn’t it, not necessarily who works where? You’re both working so share out the jobs that you both need to fit around that.

I think you need to stop looking after him so much. Seeing as he does so little to make your life easier, why are you taking him coffee in bed and prepping his breakfast and lunch - a grown arse man can do these things for himself.
It's really fucking disrespectful to just leave his dirty dishes in the sink and bugger off out - stop coming home and cleaning up after him. He is totally taking the piss out of you and if you do not stop what you are doing, he won't stop what he is doing!

Mrsm has a good point. Your DH isn’t pulling his weight outside of his working hours. Why on earth are you getting up earlier than him to do chores and prepping his breakfast and lunch? And then making dinner in the evening?

He needs to pull his weight generally, the wfh thing is a red herring. You can split the work more equally and he could get his arse out of bed 30min earlier to make lunch for you both, hang out the washing, take bins out.

That's not a WfH issue.

That's a husband not pulling his weight issue.

I must be missing the point as well because I agree with mrsm43s
I also said this upthread.
If he wasn't WfH he'd be leaving a mess in the evenings and not doing his fair share around the house.

The question is, what are you going to do about it? What are you going to say to him about this? He is showing a basic lack of respect by dumping stuff in the sink.

Just stop being so accommodating! Stop the coffee in bed. Stop the prepping of breakfast and lunch. Stop doing his chores when you get in. Be clear that X,y and z need to be done in the day. And if they made not, he needs to do them when he gets back from his sports. He sounds lazy. I wfh and there is always time to do odd jobs. It's a good excuse to get up and stretch legs. You can't after all go to the water cooler.

@mrsm43s, fyi you can set up Skype for business so it doesn’t show you as away for up to an hour. Just in case you want to hang out your washing!

This explains a lot....!

If you don't have time to do chores when working in the office, don't expect someone else to have time to do so just because they happen to be working at home.

On a typical day I can walk to the coffee shop and get a coffee - ergo at home I can put the kettle on and unpack the dishwasher whilst it boils.

I typically take 30 mins at lunch and go to the canteen - that’s 30 mins at home to get some food and deal with the washing machine.