Do you judge single mums who claim benefits to be able to stay home with DC?

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Specifically DC before school age.

No, but I’m not an arsehole

No, definitely not.

No.

No, I try not to judge anyone for whatever reason but parenting young DCs is a really important job and I don’t see why they should be forced/encouraged to get a job and pay for someone else to do that for them. Fortunately the benefit system (as flawed as it is) also recognises this, which is why there is financial support available to help, until they start school at which point you’d be expected to work part time/term time at least.

No - but even older kids need support - some parents have children with disabilities and need a parent around

Shame we have to even question this!!!

No - as a taxpaying adult personally I would rather pay for this than pay for subsidised childcare for pre-schoolers.

I know I will get lambasted for this - but its how I feel

Yes because I am an arsehole.

I have gone back to work part time because I don't expect anyone to provide for a child who I have brought into the world knowing they will need to be feed and housed.

No.

Not at all. I might judge the other parent who left though (assuming the sahm is not widowed!)

Not if they're younger than school age as I've been in that position myself before. Definitely think though that once child is in school you should be some sort of part time employment.

No, I did it myself.

A little bit, but, in all honesty, probably out of jealousy as I had to go back to work both times, when my children were 2 weeks (first) and 3 months (second).

The reason I ask -

I went back almost full time with specific hours in a job that fitted round nursery for my DS, I then was told after 9 months that I wasn't needed anymore. I'm left jobless, desperately trying to find a job to afford DS's nursery with no luck at all yet, worried about when I'll next get money and not knowing what to do. It's the first time in weeks that I've considered that I might be good for now to just stay home with DS and then return to work Monday - Friday so there'll be more opportunities for jobs (as DS will be in normal nursery hours) when he goes to preschool (in just under a year).
I'm being harsh on myself for even considering this and feel like a failure and just didn't know if there'd be a lot of judgement around it.

No.

I have been a SAHM, then a single mum on benefits (for a year), then a single mum working fulltime and now married working part time.

Single mum and working full time was hard, I was pulled in both directions. I was able to be fully available for my children when I was on benefits, money was very tough though.

Now I am so grateful for what I have and I would not judge anyone in that position.

I don't judge them but I do worry that there might be unintended consequences of this policy - ie people having another child before their first turns 5 as moving onto JSA is so tough. I'm not saying it's particularly widespread but I have met some people who have done this.

I don't know what the answer is though because I don't think that universal basic income is currently sustainable and there aren't enough part-time low skilled jobs that fit around school hours etc.

I'm being harsh on myself for even considering this and feel like a failure and just didn't know if there'd be a lot of judgement around it.

Be kind to yourself. Your situation is what the benefits are there for.

Honestly? Yes. Would I ever say anything to anyone? Of course not. Nor would I change the system as I'm sure there are genuine reasons for many and they should be protected. But I don't believe being a SAHM should be a choice funded by the government, it's a lifestyle choice. If you are low enough income to get enough benefits to stay home, you are likely low enough to have your childcare heavily subsidised (assuming you are a lower income earner when working). That was me, DH and I were low earners when our children were young and our childcare was heavily subsidised. Some may say how is that fair, but it meant we were working, paying tax, and have both advanced our careers enough that we will probably both become high tax income earners in the next few years. So I don't have a lot of sympathy for those who say it's too expensive to work who can then live on benefits. Usually they haven't even looked into the system, childcare tax credit threshold is much higher than standard TC (don't know anything about UC though so it may be different now).

So if you don't want "someone else to raise your child" (don't actually believe that of course) I think you should have saved enough to fund that lifestyle for yourself really, and if the child wasn't planned (as mine wasn't) just own up to the responsibilities you have. Not including special needs or disabilities in any of this though, of course.

I judge the single mums who have babies they can't afford and live on benefits as a lifestyle choice. I'm not generalizing, I'm talking about specific people that I know, different kids to different dads with no intention of ever getting a job. Some that I know, who's children are getting older are laying down plans, doctors app etc to claim sick pay when their benefits stop. However, I know people who claim, then when the children are older get jobs. Those people I'd support all day long

In general no. Your situation definitely not.

If they have 5 children and have the attitude that they will just keep claiming that's a different story. I have 2 and can't afford anymore so this annoys me very very much.

I worked part time and gradually upped my hours as dd got older. I think that everyone has their own view on what is right with their child- for me it was part time with tax credits upping hours to reduce them as much as possible as she got older. If you are claiming free early years hours you could always look at taking qualifications in those hours for when you do want to return to the workplace and keep your workplace confidence up.

Just seen your second post, my comments were those who actively choose this for pre school years. You are job hunting and that is exactly what the system is there for, don't feel bad. We needed the system for several months too, it was a god send and helped us back onto our feet.

Yes, so that makes me an arsehole too.

Yes I admit I do a bit. I went back to work FT when my DS was 6 months old. Why should the state pay for us? It is my responsibility to pay for my DS.

No staying home prior to school age is fine. The only time I admit I am judgemental is when babies seem to arrive every 4 years and none of the dad(s) provide financially (there's a lady locally with 5 kids over a 16 year period and my friend is her caseworker at the job centre. I would prefer we support parents more to stay at home but it does have to come with responsibilities not to keep having more kids to work the system.

Just to add, in your situation as you are job hunting probably not.