Do you judge single mums who claim benefits to be able to stay home with DC?

[username00000]

Specifically DC before school age.

I don’t as I did it myself.

However I think lots do. Raising a baby on your own is tough, some can manage to work some don’t for many reasons . I left my abisive ex when my Ds was 10 months old. I was in a refuge for 8 months, then moved areas then needed for my Ds and myself to recover. I am not really concerned if people approve it was what was right for us.

No, not at all.

Honestly, if it’s a single mum who has child after child, whilst living on own with a hidden boyfriend to claim benefits then absolutely I do.

In your situation I wouldn’t, I’m a single mum always have been and also worked, just used the same childcare available as couples who work full time, childminders, nursery etc but recognise how hard it was. I had some lucky breaks and in the early days, over 10 years ago, working tax and child credit, which is also a benefit helped, I’d have been stuck without it! Not sure how the system works now? I think it use to pay up 70% of childcare.

I did miss out on many things though and missed the baby groups etc so if I was in the same situation looking back I can’t say I wouldn’t not do now what you are considering.

Yes I do.

I have 4 children and I've worked 3 jobs to provide for us all so if I can find and work 3 jobs then it's possible to find 1.

Why should you get to stay at home and raise your children while others have to work.

I'm running around in the morning getting 4 kids out the door then off to work then racing back home to do the school run to wake up and do it all again while some are sitting at home watching homes under the hammer. Piss take.

Firstly, you don’t have to share your financial business with anyone whatsoever. It’s private.

Secondly, if you can’t find a job which works then you are duty bound by your son to claim benefits to support you both. Just do it. Continue to look for opportunities and maybe try to do some training whilst not working.

So stop worrying about the judgement of others.

Yes because I am an arsehole.

I have gone back to work part time because I don't expect anyone to provide for a child who I have brought into the world knowing they will need to be feed and housed.

Then you're lucky that only working part-time pays enough that you don't have to claim any benefits whatsoever.

I think it's really hard, because there will be lots of parents on low income who would like to be SAHP but can't afford to ydo both parents have to work, often long hours for minimum wage just to make ends meet, who aren't entitled to benefits. I think in a situation like yours where you went back but were then laid off is different to someone who has multiple children without working at all. I also think once childcare hours kick in at two, work should be looked for, rather than staying off until the child is five and at school.

No. People have different reasons for making parenting choices.

However if you regularly post on Facebook about not wanting strangers to raise your children, or the posts about how you're not just a mum but an accountant, cleaner, chauffeur, nurse, (you know the type). Then you bet you're arse I'm judging. Passive aggressive posts aimed at working mum's (and it's always mum's never dad's) just piss me off.

No. What concerns me is what happens when the mothers come to as their kids grow up and realise they've done 0 with their lives and will always be badly paid even if they do start work. Women are shafted enough without making choices that shaft you more.

What concerns me really is men who don't bring up or finance their DC. That can never be OK.

Yes, I am very much of the opinion that if you do not have the means to have children you should not have them. Your children are your responsibility and not the state’s.

No because I'm a single Mum who has has to claim benefits when I suffered dv and ran from exh

No. I would do the same unless the financial benefit of working was significant (after paying childcare fees, travel costs etc etc)

No - I had a great job and earned a fair bit, however it involved cross country work every day which wasn't ideal with a baby/child. I couldn't rush home if required if she was ill or needed an emergency pick up from nursery or childcare. For what it's worth I bloody loved that job and still talk fondly of it 12 years down the line but due to disability I now couldn't return.
My partner at the time also left me once we discovered I was pregnant. He said if I didn't abort it was over and he would kill himself (he didn't commit suicide and know thanks for me never listening to him but meh)
I didn't feel I had much of a choice at the time.

Yes if it's a lifestyle choice, I worked and paid taxes when mine were little and I didn't do it to keep other Mums (or Dads) at home. If you are job hunting or disabled at any point in your life, that's what benefits are for, definitely claim.

I wouldn't treat the 'lifestyle choosers' any differently but we wouldn't be close friends, and I'd feel that their children were likely to have lower aspirations. Your situation is a little bit different if you are looking for work.

Yes I'm an arse. I see the people stucknoue describes in my location too.

What benefit do you think you are entitled to? There are no benefits that allow you to claim without looking for work, unless they are sickness benefits? And you're not sick . . .

I wouldn’t judge anyone in particular as I would know or expect to know their circumstances but I guess that, in general, I don’t think people should have kids that they can’t afford to look after themselves.

In reality you can never know why someone is in the position they are in so I wouldn’t dream of assuming anything about anyone.

No. But I’m very jealous.

I wanted to stay at home with DS but certainly couldn’t afford it. We are above the threshold for all those benefits but our income is all going towards mortgage and other essential expenses. DS isn’t entitled to free childcare like most mums on benefits are..

So I have to worry about affording childcare, stress about juggling parenting with work...

I feel like a single mum with preschoolers should be entitled to free childcare. But not necessarily have her choice of being SAHM funded because not all mums across the country have the same privilege.

So yeh it’s completely out of jealousy.

Because I see some of those mum affording things that I really can’t (expensive buggies)/cars so on.

But I think I’m hindsight, I’m being an arsehole.

I don’t judge people on benefits at all.. my mother was single for a while and was receiving benefits.

I just think the system is a bit unfair.

@Jon65 not in UK, benefit system is different.

No, but I would be worried for them because must be a very precarious existence with politics going the way it is at present. I wish there were far more flexible and part time jobs so that people had real choices.i feel lucky every day to have such a supportive and flexible job and I make sure I offer the same to everyone in my team (whether for children /elderly parents/a hobby or whatever).

When people decide they can have kids without working because they have the luxury of benefits, I absolutely judge.

When people circumstances change and they accept the help that is available, I don't, that's what benefits are for.

Interesting the way you have phrased your question.

Do you judge single mums who claim benefits to be able to stay home with DC?

Yes I probably would - if this was a choice they actively made as an ongoing plan.

BUT then I don't think that this is what you are describing. At the end of the day you are currently jobless. You need to claim benefits in order to provide for your son. That in my mind is what the system is there for. You have a plan to return to work - and I would look at any training / volunteering you can do to support that aim (online or by taking your son with you).

I dont think that it actually claiming beneifts that people have a problem - it is the 'sponging' element that causes people to judge. I have a number of non working parent friends - I only know the benefit status of one of them because of a quirk of circumstance. None broadcast their finances - or expect handouts. None of these folks I would consider 'spongers'.

There are a couple however at DC's school that are constantly begging/expecting handouts and making it clear that this is because they are on benefits and should be pitied - when they are in a position to change their situation but choose not to. These people I find hard work.

So I think it is more about attitude / presentation / expectation than where your money comes from.

Not judging you at all but 2 people make a child therefore 2 people should support and provide for that child . Not tax payers.

Why should you get to stay at home and raise your children while others have to work

Why shouldn’t mothers be allowed time with their children? Why should they miss out on a few short years?

You should ask yourself why government is determined to make woman work and farm the kids to minimum wage childcare

I do judge the people who have babies and keep doing so without any intention of working and just expect the state to keep them as they think it is their given right .But i would absolutely not judge you op .You are not a failure, it was a circumstance out of your control you lost your job and you are having no luck finding a new job .Then this is what benefits are truly for to help when you really do need it .

No, because I have an autistic DC and a baby and receive DLA and carers Allowance. I have to be here. No shame.