People tend to do what results in the most personal benefit for the circumstances they are in.
Some people look long term, e.g. breaking even on childcare costs for long term progression and financial security. Some people look more at the here and now.
Circumstances change as OP's have. I've known people plan pregnancy in good circumstances then encounter redundancy within a week of a BFP which lead to a very difficult start to raising their family before family life eventually settled down.
Benefits systems are/ should be there to make sure everyone has a decent foundation in life. Sometimes the reality of working conditions (hours, pay, security, childcare logistics) mean that benefits are more secure than employment.
What I find difficult is when people knowingly create and have more children than they can ever realisticly support financially and emotionally. Most people, however they are funded have a limit where practicality overrides emotion. I can understand resentment when someone has a much smaller family than they desire see someone else being enabled to have a larger family because the state relieves a layer of personal responsibility which is why the UK system has become much tougher in the past decade, with much damage at an individual level along the way.
Mums cop the most judgement in society because they are visible and most likely to provide childcare so not be the lauded "hardworking" that the government craves. The dads are either hidden away in the workplace prividing or far, far worse, don't carry adequate responsibility for the children they created, especially the type that move on from relationship to relationship leaving a trail of children behind them and the mums to deal with the consequences. That's the corner for my laundry heap of judgy pants, not people trying their best for their families in changing circumstances.