Do you judge single mums who claim benefits to be able to stay home with DC?

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Specifically DC before school age.

Yep. Won't lie l think people should only have children they can afford and why should people be subsidised. Lots of people don't want to work when they have children but that's tough. I don't care if people think lm an arsehole, people need to take responsibility for themselves and their children. Not a fan of David Cameron but cutting housing benefit (live where you can afford like the rest of us, move somewhere cheaper if you can't -we all want to live in central London!) and benefits for 2 children only (lots of my friends want 3 children but can't afford this, 3 children is a luxury after all) were fair moves

Well I generally judge everyone (myself most of all) I’m a judgemental person 🤷‍♀️

NO I don't judge them at all. If they're doing their best for their children best of luck to them. I do somewhat judge people (in all financial situations) who have very large numbers of children who they can't properly support (emotionally or financially) but there are all kinds of psychological reasons they might do this.

Nope. One of my closest friends ended up as a single parent when her DS was 9 months old. It was never her "plan", but her DH had an affair and she was left quite literally holding the baby. Her DH had been the main earner and so she was left with nothing. She and her DS slept on a mattress on her mum's floor for a while. She said that she wouldn't go back to work until her DS was at school, because he had lost enough in his short life. So she struggled to make ends meet for 4 years on income support. At the same time, she took advantage of a free course offered by the job centre and trained for a career so that by the time her DS started school she was ready to start work in a job she loves. She has done amazingly well and I'm so proud of her. That is why the benefit system is there

I agree your situation is totally different OP from one you described initially. You are definately not to be judged ! You aren’t taking advantage your circumstances necessitate. I would definately take benefits if that was my only option!

At this point in the day, I suppose you might be getting a lot of responses from people who aren't working. I do think it's important to provide for your family. I left an abusive relationship with a baby so was in that position and went back to work as soon as I could as I felt it was my responsibility to.

My main consideration thinking about other people is the impact not working over a number of years has on opportunities to work and earn enough money in the future.

I do yes.you chose to have a child. Benefits are there to help while you find a new job, it shouldn't be considered a long term income if you are able to work.

No. I don't think the system is kind to those who have small children and need flexible working, nor does it incentivise new mothers to get back into the workplace. It's fine if you are going back to an existing job, particularly if you're in a fairly senior role, but otherwise it seems like it can be really difficult for people to find something suitable. I wouldn't judge someone who did this. Working ages are broad, kids aren't young for long and benefits are meant to provide a safety net for those who need them. I think the fabled "benefit scrounging mum" who has 19 kids is largely an invention of the daily fail; not least because she wouldn't get anything much for the last 17 kids anyway these days!

No, I don't judge. Dont worry about what people think, you need to do what is best for you and your family. Been a single mum is hard work, and the help is there for a reason. It's not like your popping kid after kid out every few years to stay on benefits like some so I don't see how people can judge, and if they do tell them to do one!

And I would like to clarify I am a working single mum, from the comment below! Just that I'm lucky enough to have a stable career, and that is a privilege.

No not at all. I’d rather a small child was with its one parent full time than farmed out to various child care providers while two parents go to work (and I’m aware that’s really judgey too and not very fashionable)

@Missb83 unfortunately mum's like that aren't a myth, my old neighbour had more children to enable her to stay on benefits and only had her last one so she would be eligible for a (bigger) council house. She didn't mind telling people either

Yes and no. I judge people who plan this I suppose but also recognise that circumstances change.
I also think that while ideally people should be in employment I recognise it can be pretty hard to get a suitable job that is compatible with sensible childcare.
I'd love to have three children and not work. But my husband and I can't afford that and still provide the things we want to for those children so will be having one child and I will be back at work after a year. I don't particularly want to be at work away from my baby to subsidise others to stay at home with theirs...
I think it's very situation specific and I suspect that those who abuse the system are less common than those who really need it.

Not at all.

I wouldn't judge as I was in that situation.

Depends on the circumstances. I have a relative with a young child. She doesn't work, but also has 50/50 care by court order. She openly admits she won't even entertain looking for a job until her child is in school full time (another 2 years).

A close friend left a DV relationship with two young children (not in school). The oldest was quite badly affected so needed a lot of stability. Her youngest will be starting school in September and then my friend wants to focus on looking for a job or training for a new career.

In the first situation, my relative is using it as a lifestyle choice (openly admits it) whereas my friend needed to help her children get over some stuff they saw. So yeah, I judge the first person but understand the second.

No I’m jealous of them! Wish I could stay home and still get money coming in.
Once their children are at school I start to if they continue to claim benefits and make no effort to get a job years later, but it’s their life and choices I don’t judge what other people decide to do with it

*working single mum earning less than I would on benefits

I do, I think a lot of it comes from resentment & jealousy - which I've been guilty of.
It would be nice if this option was available to all mother's/parents.

My SIL moaned & moaned about being made to look for work after having 7 years at home with her children, 2 kids one after the other.

She even complained about it to my sister who reminded her she had to go back to work when her baby was 8mths and she was lucky to get 7 years what more did she want! - that shut her up.

In your situation absolutely not.

Someone who chooses to have babies with no intention of working ever, yes.

I work full time and am a single mother to 2yo dd. It’s frigging hard work, but the wage I bring in means dd doesn’t have to go without, ever. I can’t imagine being happy with being able to give the bare minimum just because I didn’t want to work.

Benefits are great, and should be utilised as and when they are needed. But I think they should only ever be a temporary solution in situations like your own. I will always think working and earning a living is better than not.

No, I don't judge single mums on benefits. But I do judge people who don't parent or provide financially for their children. Think of the relief to the benefit system if every dad who didn't live with his children contributed properly to their children's upbringing. I work with two single mums who have had to chase and chase to get child maintenance from Dad's who are earning considerable amounts. Child maintenance should just come automatically out of their wages like national insurance.

At this point in the day, I suppose you might be getting a lot of responses from people who aren't working. or work shifts like me and dp. First day off together in 4 weeks!

No I wouldn't judge, but I would say I'm jealous.
We're currently looking in to everything at the minute, and I will probably have to go back to work even though I'm desperate to stay at home (we can just about survive with maternity allowance, but we won't manage for long once that stops).

However, I know that I have to go back because I like my lifestyle. I'm not extravagant at all (we rarely eat out, don't smoke at all or drink much and only buy clothes when they are needed), but we could only survive the basics on DHs wage (bills, petrol, clothes etc).
I love exploring and travelling-and even doing these things close to home cost money.

Also I dislike the idea that we should be questioning the single mother who is presumably spending most of her time actually caring for the child(ren). While a father is lauded for paying the minimum or slightly more than the amount dictated by CPS.

Its a risky strategy if you remain in this position too long.

It's later than you think, and trying to get back into the workplace and into a reasonably paid job is tough. Then all of a sudden you're in your 50s, little money, little pension and facing a vulnerable old age.

This happened to a cousin of mine, she is in her late 50s and really struggles. She now works as a carer in a nursing home, it's not well paid, she's finding it increasing difficult as it's heavy work and she's got arthritis developing rapidly but can't find anything else. She's no savings, has debts, rents and is worried sick about the future.

Its also happened to my SIL despite many warnings of the risk of this happening to her. She thought her DH, not a high earner, would always provide for her. She very very reluctantly went back to work in her late 40s (DC were grown up) into a part time low paid role (it was the most she could be persuaded to do) he got fed up and left her as he was stressed and unhappy that they weren't pulling together and he had all the financial responsibility. That was a bolt from the blue as far as she was concerned. She's now stuck in this role as has few skills. She has tried for other jobs but doesn't even get short listed. She got little from the divorce as they rented, children had left home, he had no pension etc.

She's supporting her daughter, who's about to give birth to her second child, in the same lifestyle choice, and both are putting pressure on her daughters partner re this. Neither will listen to anyone else. He is younger than the daughter (mid 20s) and is an unskilled worker in a very manual industry. History looks like it will repeat itself.