Is my neighbour hinting at something? Smoking.

[ClareDanesDress]

My partner smokes. I don’t like it but it’s his choice. He smokes in his office at home and outside in the garden. Our neighbour has commented a couple of times that she has “heard him coughing.” It’s suddenly struck me, after a couple of odd things like her refusing to take a parcel in, and complaining about teeny things, that actually she’s pissed about the smoking but won’t say it.

AIBU?

She's probably sick of the smell drifting across, I would be too tbh.

I wondered that too. The previous neighbour was a smoker himself so he wasn’t bothered.

So, the tiny acts of passive aggression may be fag related! Oh no! Don’t know what to do now!

It might be wafting into her open windows on getting on her washing. Not nice. I'd be a bit off with you too. Can he smoke anywhere else?

Do you live together OP? If so he shouldn't have to smoke elsewhere he has as much right without pandering to the neighbour.

If it's bothering you that's a different kettle of fish and he should compromise.

I think the smell can travel through walls if I’m being honest. My NDN’s must smoke because I can smell the faintest smell of fresh cigarette smoke near my living room wall and nobody in my home has ever smoked. I can’t smell it anywhere else so I’m assuming they sit in that room smoking... I know my DGM used to smell cannabis through her walls and she contacted the police.

Smoking inside is fairly grim, his office must stink like a 90s pub.

Next door neighbour smokes. It goes straight into babies bedroom so we can't have her window open. Not nice.
Saying that I wouldn't necessarily say that's why she isn't taking parcels in, a neighbour got accused of stealing after a delivery company said they had delivered something very valuable for a neighbour to her (she never received it) but it caused a load of trouble with the company contacting her etc certainly made me think twice about accepting parcels. I know lots of people who just don't.

How near is he smoking in relation to her house when he’s outside?

Is his office inside the house or separate like in the garden / garage? It always really surprises me when people smoke in their homes these days.

I'd hate it, absolutely hate it if I were your NDN. It does serikously impact on their quality of life - not being able to have windows open (particularly to children's rooms), washing out, etc. I probably wouldn't say anything because I know the legal position is (regrettably) that he can do whatever he likes in his own garden, but I'd want as little to do with you as possible, tbh. Sorry.

Don’t know what to do now!

Nothing. Just ignore her.

I'd hate it, it'd stop me enjoying my garden or hanging out my laundry. It's ridiculous that people smoke when they know how bad it is for them and the people around them - does your partner not care that he's damaging your health?

Both houses are detached so it isn’t going through the walls. They’re just a bit funny about other stuff - the porch light annoying them, snippy comments about the bin etc.

Perhaps your dp could look at giving up smoking? It's an increasingly anachronistic habit with literally no upsides.

I’d just ignore her tbh.

I would be a bit miffed if I was your neighbour, but I wouldn't refuse to take parcels etc on your behalf. I have a really lovely neighbour, we get on really well, but she does smoke outside in her garden occasionally, and the smell comes in to our house, so we have to shut all the windows and be careful about hanging out washing, which is a pain. It's annoying, but I wouldn't refuse her parcels or anything because of it.

He won’t. He’s smoked for years, he will give up when he’s ready, but next door being grumpy won’t be the motivator. We have talked endlessly about it.

I don’t like it but on the other hand it’s our house, and there is a good 30 feet between the edge of our garden and their bedroom windows. And he smokes in his office in the loft which isn’t near anything except our own chimney!

If I mentioned coughing I would actually be worried that they are ill. A "smokers cough" is a sign that lungs are being damaged.

I agree. But it’s still his right to do it.

I agree. But it’s still his right to do it.

What about your right not to have your lungs damaged by his selfishness?

My DD smokes and had a sneaky fag in her bedroom recently........I hadn't even smelt it but went to investigate because the tickly throat / cough was familiar.

You'd be surprised at how sensitive some people can be to cigarette smoke, I can't handle being near it at all

Honestly, I'd just swerve her entirely from now on. 'Heard him coughing', shrug, say nothing, bid her good day.

That’s sort of my point - how are their lungs being damaged? He’s either in the roof or now the weather is warmer, the garden, and even then only evenings and weekends because he works long hours during the week.

He has a right to smoke in his own house. I wouldn't worry about your neighbour.

Clare, don't give it a second thought. They'll find something else to be snitty and PA about. Just pretend they don't exist.

Previous neighbour was a smoker - how long has your current neighbour lived there?