To think I can return to work 3-4 weeks after giving birth?

[RoguePudding]

As in title, really. I'm pregnant with my first, self-employed, and if I pass on this assignment because of the baby, I may be without income for much longer than we could afford. What is probably important to know:

• my job is intellectually challenging, but involves no physical labour whatsoever
• I can work from home
• It would be for about 16 hours a week
• 3 weeks would be the worst case scenario. The assignment starts five weeks after my due date
• my husband works fulltime

Is this feasible? Anyone else return to (parttime) work or perhaps studies very quickly?

Controversial but I was taking orders and managing consumer queries within 48 hours of both births, C sections and EBF. Newborns sleep a LOT! And I work from home

Oh and it didn't do my sons any harm either, I worked through most of their childhood and they both turned out OK and I have a great relationship with both of them. In fact neither of them remember me working when they were little.

Sorry OP, I’ve not read the FT, but just wanted to give my experiences.

DS1 - 100% could not have done it. Bad labour, EMCS, countless infections afterwards, PND, PTSD, was pretty screwed up for around 8 months.

DS2 - 100% yes , I absolutely could of (had he been the first born, hard with a pre schooler around too!). In fact, we set up a second business within weeks of DS2 being born, and he was a terrible sleeper for the first 22 weeks.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

I gave myself 4 weeks off before going back to work (run my own business). In reality despite having a csection I was back at work after a week. I was bored and the baby just bf and slept. I easily managed 5/6 hours a day of work around a newborn and still do now with a 9 month. I do all the childcare too.

I had a friend who managed a business, 2 children and a newborn. I had the attitude if she could do that then so could I.

You make the decision and find a way. I personally found that on the days I work I am super productive. I achieve more in nap time that I would in a day pre-child! However on the weekends when I don’t have a plan I achieve very little, the baby just fills my time. If you have work to do you will find a way.

My advice read lots of parenting books now so you are aware of life with a newborn. I went down the baby whisperers “EASY” method. Didn’t work everyday but over time was very successful. I also am not the type of person to sit on the sofa snuggling my baby all day it’s lovely for 10 minutes but then I’m ready to crack on. I think because of that she learnt to sleep independently early on and is a brilliant sleeper now.

Also I have a cleaner, husband cooks evening meals when home and does a lot of the laundry. It wouldn’t work if I had to run the business, do all the childcare and run the house.

If you are organised and prepared that will start you in good stead! 16 hours over 7 days is really achievable. Good luck!

Yes, you can do it, it's only 16 hours a week and from home.
If you have to dial into meetings there is a mute button on your phone.
I'm self employed and I would never turn down a job (home based).
However, you do need to consider what to do if baby is early or late...
You also need indemnity insurance

It’s certainly possible. I went back to work a week after birth as my DH lost his job. Lecturing, so not too many hours, sometimes with baby in room! I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it, and a lot of those first months are a blur, but we managed and thrived. You need emotional support as much as physical, but despite mumsnet dire predictions most newborns sleep a lot and not every birth is going to leave you battered and weary. If nothing unexpected happens you’ll be fine. If it does then that’s not expected so not a reason to decline a needed job. You could as well accept a contract and then break your wrist.

I had an emergency c section and was back at work with baby in tow at 6 weeks. Self employed so didn't have much choice. Baby went to nursery for couple days a week at 3 months

BUT would I do it again? No way. Was shattered after being up half the night. However I would have had to have a complete change of career before getting pregnant and be employed so could get maternity leave instead.

This is why we only have one DC

I went back at 7 weeks and 10 weeks respectively. Both c-sections, unplanned and then planned.

I'm a beauty therapist and couldn't afford to be off longer as I need to still pay for my room even though I was off.

I wish I'd had longer but it was absolutely fine!

Yes you could do it if you have a normal birth with no complications (or deficiencies) and many women in the USA do. However don’t commit to it. Many workplaces do allow women to cut short planned maternity leave if wanted but often do not allow it to be extended.

Everyone is different obviously, but I definitely couldn't have done any kind of work a month after giving birth! I was recovering from the birth (which was very straightforward thankfully), establishing breastfeeding, adjusting to having to look after a baby 24/7 and very, very sleep-deprived!!

Totally understand LovelyJubblee It is difficult, but I still regret not having a third/fourth...

I’ve had three children who have all been very different in terms of needs and wanting to be held etc. My youngest was easier than the elder two and I wouldn’t recommend this as an option for all the reasons outlined above plus please do not underestimate mum guilt. I am not suggesting for a minute you shouldn’t work when you have children or that women should feel a different type of way about this than men (I went back to a new professional role 7 months after my eldest was born and shared parental leave with my husband) but basically when you are not spending time with your children then most mums I know feel bad about it and basically beat themselves up about the time they are not spending with their little ones. It’s not rational but your instinct is to want to be with them and around them. I can only imagine that if you are having to work when they are so small and are not able to solely focus on them then that feeling may be compounded and might make you feel sad/miserable. However if you are set on it, if it were me, I would ask my mum to fly in on the week you start the project and ask her to stay an extra week (so she’s there 3 weeks in total) and then get my husband to take leave for the following week. That gives you a month with support to get into a routine and work out how you will manage things when the support is no longer available. Good luck OP. I hope it works out and you are blessed with an easy birth and a sleeping baby! Xx

I could have done this with 2nd,3rd or 4th... but not first. But, if you are confident and organised and have an easy baby ( no colic etc) then it could be done. They sleep most of the time anyway.

With DD1;

2 weeks post due date, I was in hospital having a section.

3 weeks post due date, I was just being discharged from hospital.

4 weeks post due date, I was realising that some newborns do not sleep for more than twenty minutes a time throughout the day and night and that botched sections have quite a few side effects.

5 weeks post due date, I was hallucinating through lack of sleep and the baby's father was screaming at me regularly that I was incompetent as, not only did I fail to be a proper woman and give birth naturally, I couldn't stop the baby from crying.

5 weeks +2 days post due date, he slapped me.

6 weeks post birth, I was medicated into stupidity because my unhappiness at being slapped was turned into PND thanks to an effective gaslighting attack that convinced everybody around that I'd imagined it.

No way on this fucking earth I could have done an ounce of work in that time.

DD2, however,

2 days post birth, I was doing the school run and everything was back to normal (other than DD2's father not screaming at me because this one sort of slept for 4 hours at a time, didn't cry that much and I could physically function because I'd had a relatively simple VBAC).

A friend who was 3 weeks post due date was visiting her baby in Special Care.

There are an awful lot of variables and no guarantees either way.

I'd want to be optimistic and take it, but I'd also try and make sure if something went awry that I had lined somebody up to dep for me. The thing is, if you fuck it up, not only do you lose the client, you then risk a reputation of letting them down with other prospective clients.

The only other sensible thing I could think of is that your DH takes his paternity leave in two chunks or delays it until after any visitors have gone home again.

I don't think 16 hours is impossible at all, it doesn't sound like it'll be for long, so if financially a must, then I'd go for it. We have American family and they're all back at work within weeks of having their babies, I believe because their maternity leave policies are pretty non-existent

That is, assuming you and baby are healthy and feeding is going well. My labour and newborn-time was very smooth sailing so I absolutely cannot speak on what it'd be like if things are rough.
Whatever you do, congratulations OP and good luck!

My boss did! She left 2 weeks before the due date and returned very soon after so she didn't lose the higher rate of pay!

As PPs have said, everyone is different. I had my DTs a bit early and when they came out of NICU they were on a lovely 4 hourly routine, so I never BF and they slept through within a couple of months. I was a bit of a zombie for the first 2 months, despite sleeping from 1 to 4 and 5 to 8 each night - but that is loads more sleep than many new mums and definitely more than anyone who BFs. Even I would have struggled to concentrate on the sort of work you're suggesting, but maybe could just about have done it. I would have been been fine after 2 months. Good luck!

Totally possible, aslong as you make sure to fit in some rest periods too as it is tough going in those first few weeks.

I did three exams and one assignment for my masters three weeks after giving birth. First exam was a bit tricky, I had fed before going in but husband stayed outside window with crying baby so boobs leaking everywhere and had to leave the exam an hour in to a two hour paper. Much to horror of most of the late teen candidates!! Invigilator refused to let me go out and feed. Other exams were ok as he stayed out of earshot with expressed milk. They were the worst bit.

Doing the revision and assignment from home was fine as baby was at the long naps stage. I got a distinction still and mentally was much better post natally that time than with my first baby to be honest

Because of financial constraints, dd intended to go back to work 12 weeks after having her dd. She has found that impossible as she is up numerous times overnight and is exhausted, plus can’t bear to leave her dd with someone else yet, so has had to take the financial hit! Looking after a newborn can be a lot harder than than you think!

Playmytune- I agree, first time round having a baby hits you like a ton of bricks - it’s life changing. But I suppose the point is, you make decisions within the parameters of choice available to you. Presumably your dd could afford to take the financial hit... it may have been tough but I presume it was an option to take a longer maternity leave. If your ML was 12 weeks in total, and it was a case of either return to work then to keep your roof over your head, or give up work (and possibly even have to pay back some maternity pay) then exhausted or not, you’re more likely to find a way of making things work.

It’s also different when you’re doing the same thing as your peers. If I were having a child now in 2019 I expect I’d find it tough to return to work after 12 weeks because so many mums take at least double that, if not quadruple that. But in the late 80s and early 90s it was very normal so it wouldn’t have seemed such a big deal. But yes I agree that it’s exhausting. I’m very happy in the long term that I kept my career up, and out of the 2 choices (return at 12 weeks or give up my job) I’m very pleased I stayed working. But there’s no doubt it’s a lot easier these days with much more flexibility - and of course the 2 weeks paternity leave rather than dad having to return to work straight after the birth

Wow, this thread developed a life of its own! Thank you so much for sharing all your experiences.

I have started a conversation with the client, and hopefully we can figure something out that is feasible and works for both parties. For DH and I, not accepting the job would mean more than having to give up luxuries for a while - we already live quite a sober lifestyle (small flat, no car) so it's more on the level of "can we afford to feed ourselves and our mortgage". Besides, I would really like to keep this client, and if I force them to turn elsewhere now, I might lose all their future business. So if I don't accept the assignment, there will be a different kind of stress to cope with. Of course, if either baby or I have insurmountable health issues, we will have to cope with it some way or other, but I can't say "OK then I won't even try" based on worst case scenarios.

She has found that impossible as she is up numerous times overnight and is exhausted, plus can’t bear to leave her dd with someone else yet, so has had to take the financial hit

I am just highlighting your comment, Playmytune, because it is right here, but I have read many comments now from mums who feel they were simply too exhausted to work and I just have to wonder - what about all the fathers / partners? Are they not having their sleep interrupted and still need to go to work every day? Don't you share night shifts and household duties at all? I understand some things fall on the person-who-gave-birth - if you are breastfeeding and baby is cluster feeding or refusing the bottle - but under most circumstances surely your partner is helping out? (Do not mean to exclude single mums - you are ace!)

I am just highlighting your comment, Playmytune, because it is right here, but I have read many comments now from mums who feel they were simply too exhausted to work and I just have to wonder - what about all the fathers / partners? Are they not having their sleep interrupted and still need to go to work every day? Don't you share night shifts and household duties at all? I understand some things fall on the person-who-gave-birth - if you are breastfeeding and baby is cluster feeding or refusing the bottle - but under most circumstances surely your partner is helping out? (Do not mean to exclude single mums - you are ace!)

Really isn’t the same. Whether you are breastfeeding or pumping , the act alone causes you severe hunger and exhaustion due to the amount of energy used to produce milk. Especially in the first few months while your breasts are adjusting.

And the night feeds, if you are breastfeeding, will require you sitting up with the baby until they fall asleep. Which includes a min of 20 min session of feeding. 10 mins of burping. And another 10 mins of cuddling on a good day. If they won’t sleep due to colic this might include massaging their tummy.. singing for them.. and this cycle repeats every 1.5 hours (from the start of the breastfeeding session).

While you can reduce this by pumping, and so your DH can do half of the required feeding... but the fact milk is coming from you, will cause you exhaustion.

And pumping at 4 weeks will actuallt cause your nipples to become sore and your breasts to get confused causing things like very painful blocked ducts and perhaps mastitis. It’s only recommended to pump after 2 months when the supply regulates. If you get blocked ducts then you need to massage your boobs while feeding, and make sure you feed them direct from the boob and very often. Else it will pain you.

So the other option is if you aren’t breastfeeding. It is recommended to bf the first 6 months so I don’t think it’s good to plan not to unless things come in the way.

Now if you aren’t, you also need to factor in the fact that you are probably still bleeding (not too much at 4 weeks), but having bled for so long actually takes a toll on your body. Having given birth alone takes that toll. Your body has still not recovered from producing some of the pregnancy hormones.. and lactation hormones alone causes you tiredness.. let alone relaxins and residual progesterone and all that.

It’s reallt not the same as the man being woken up by a little scream and going back to bed. Yes would be very handy if he helps and takes on some tasks.. but really not comparable.

You might want to consider mix feeding if you are desperate by giving formula at bedtime to ensure baby sleeps longer. And that dad can do all the bedtime stuff while you catch up on work.

I’m not saying you can’t work. I did it. 3 hrs a day. You can. But you need to realise that it’s not likely to be anything but very stressful.

If you were suffering pnd, or had a c section, then god help you deal with that stress.

So if needs must, do it. But do as much as you can to ensure you take it easy on yourself.

I can’t speak for everyone but I did 99% of night times with our DCs when they were babies, partly because of bf, but also because I was SAHP and it didn’t seem fair to ask DH to be up when he had to work. I would imagine that the parent who is on parental leave (almost always the mother) would do the majority of night time care because they can, if they are lucky, nap during the day, they don’t have to drive to work, they don’t need to concentrate, or operate heavy machinery, etc.

Now that our DCs are older we share night time care because it tends to be more contained, e.g. at worse a night of V&D which is awful but nothing compared to a baby that won’t sleep. A baby that doesn’t sleep well is a whole new level of exhausting...then again some babies sleep!

Rogue I'm sure you've already realised there is a huge spectrum in regards to how people are physically and mentally affected both by pregnancy and caring for a newborn, not to mention that the baby itself brings its own dynamic. Only a handful of posters have said you will catergorically be too tired and I think most are also bearing in mind you will have the baby at the same time as working - unlike the partner in most scenarios.

If you take just a few minutes to read related threads on MN you will realise pretty quickly that many, if not most, men do not help at night, and some barely do anything other than work so have a fairly cushy time of it. Some men and women alike think it is the woman's job to do all household tasks because she's at home and apparently as even according to some on this thread, it's so easy looking after a baby, why not?

The fact is, the partner hasn't had to recover from 9 months of pregnancy, giving birth (quite a high percentage of women have some sort of intervention or tear), can't breastfeed - which can at first make you knackered / hungry / thirsty. The pain of establishing bf with a tongue tied baby for me was worse than my infected section wound! It's a whole level of pressure having a vulnerable person entirely dependent on you if you are breastfeeding and demanding you and only you. So yes, my DH, being a decent sort, did help at night when on pat leave and he did what he could at home but most of my friends DHs slept in separate rooms and got the pleasure of 8 hours sleep, then headed of to work where they ate their lunch without anyone crying at them.