To think I can return to work 3-4 weeks after giving birth?

[RoguePudding]

As in title, really. I'm pregnant with my first, self-employed, and if I pass on this assignment because of the baby, I may be without income for much longer than we could afford. What is probably important to know:

• my job is intellectually challenging, but involves no physical labour whatsoever
• I can work from home
• It would be for about 16 hours a week
• 3 weeks would be the worst case scenario. The assignment starts five weeks after my due date
• my husband works fulltime

Is this feasible? Anyone else return to (parttime) work or perhaps studies very quickly?

I was talking about the late 80s/early 90s. Yes, some women gave up work completely (as some do now) but many went back to work. There were regulated childminders and day nurseries around- not as many as now- but they certainly existed. And as mortgage rates were astronomical back then very many of us did return to work. The key differences between then and now was that maternity leave was much shorter and paternity leave non existent. Times change, and it’s great that better terms and conditions are available now if people want it. But my point is, people tend to judge situations by their own experience, so if you have a year off after having a child it’s perhaps hard to get your head round other mums having 12 weeks off. But to me and my peers it was totally normal

I had to do it with my third. I won't lie - it's hard. But of course, it's perfectly do-able if you have to! Do things have to be done in office hours, or can you do them on an evening, when perhaps your partner is back to help?
You'll be shattered though, and it may impact on your enjoyment of your baby. I had a proper mat leave first time round and it was lovely. It's hard having work hanging over you all the time as it means you can't always just pop out, or enjoy the sunshine, or go to the baby group...the thought of it is always there - somehow worse than actually just getting it done! But of course you'll have to work round your baby's schedule so it can't always be done when you'd prefer.
But yes, it can be done. Mine was EBF and clingy - so I got used to typing one handed! Slings were great too.

Will depend on circumstances but I am self employed and was back doing some work (maybe a day a week, perhaps a bit more) after about a fortnight. It helped me keep my brain going and feel like my old self.

I think it would be a grave mistake to even try to do this

It could badly disrupt the bonding process with your baby .
The initial bonding or lack of it has lifelong implications

Can you explain how sitting and typing a work report while nursing your newborn would prevent you from bonding?

Honestly if are organised you will be absolutely fine.

How would typing a report seriously impact bonding?? In the first couple of weeks with all of mine I mainly sat with them attached to my boob while I read/played on my phone/watched films. Should I have been staring them lovingly in the eyes the whole time?

Several people have said a baby a few weeks old will take up all the carer’s attention so it’ll be impossible to work. That’s simply not true.

It was true for me.

Even the most difficult baby will sleep for some of the time, and feed for some of the time, therefore it is entirely possible to sit in your pjs and type while caring for a tiny baby. For heaven’s sake, how on earth do these people think parents manage with a newborn when they have several older kids and need to do far more than sitting and typing?

Managing an older child is totally different from using your brain to produce work of a professional standard.

I completely agree that once the baby is past those very early weeks, you’ll need childcare. But frankly, during the 12 weeks I spent with dd before I returned to work, I spent a fair few hours sitting and reading or watching telly and I’m quite sure I could have managed 16 hours a week or flexible working, non physical, work which could be done while holding/feeding the baby and where it didn’t matter a jot whether I was washed and dressed.

This is why you can't understand what others are saying. During the first 12 weeks I had no time for sitting and reading or watching telly.

I was mentally and physically exhausted. I had sleep deprivation. There's no way I could have done a good job that involved using my brain.

Yes it is do-able provided that you and baby are both well. I went back to work albeit from home Ben my youngest was 3 weeks old. I could work evenings and weekends if necessary so it wasn't actually a problem. Tbh if finances are an issue then you just have to suck it up and make it work however that may be. When I had my eldest Mat Leave and pay and finances meant I had to go back to work ft at 6 weeks (earliest that was allowed).

when* not Ben! Doh!

I went back to work when my dd was 2 weeks old, only 1 day a week as there was no-one to look after her any other days. Didn’t do her any harm, and was essential for my sanity

It could be fine. I'd be worried about something going wrong during the birth. I was in hospital for weeks and there is no way I could have managed work 3 weeks after baby was born.
It's risky but might work out very well. Sorry that's not much help.

I think it’s quite optimistic to think it will all be OK and do-able - more likely that it won’t be - but that thought is probably coloured by my own experience. There is absolutely no way I would have been able to what you are intending to do. Completely and totally impossible. Maybe if I’d been 27 instead of nearly 40, I could’ve ridden better through the total utter exhaustion. Some people seem to sail through the first 12 weeks (and have babies who sleep and sleep- which means that mum can rest - work- whatever as well) but for others it can be really punishing. It’s like torture. My DH and me used to joke about it - “Why did nobody tell us?”. We figured out that people had actually told us, we just thought that they must be exaggerating.
You could be lucky. I suppose there is no harm in being optimistic - better that than to expect the worst - but do read what people are saying about their difficulties - they are very very common (and no one is exaggerating).

I realise others will have said but, yes you can certainly go back to work that soon after childbirth, but the main problem for you will be having to do so at home.

Physically leaving the house and having the baby looked after by someone else makes the process much easier, in my opinion. Of course other people will disagree because leaving the baby has its own difficulties (bfing for example) but it makes work so much easier, especially if yours doesn't turn out to be one of the mythical 'sleeps all day' sort of newborn.

With first, ds never let go of my breasts. He doubled size in two months!

With second, dd, I packed up house and we moved when she was 5 weeks old. (My dm helped, ds was 21 months)

It's a gamble. If your dh can help at night??

One thing that helped immensely with both dc was dh got up and changed the babies and handed them to me to bf at night.

I wasn't too sleep deprived...except that I swear that I counted 6 toes on ds' foot!

Best wishes.

Going against the grain a little here.
There are 168 hours in a week.
48 of these at the weekend when your dh is home to help.
If you managed 2 hours a day through the week and 3 hours a day at the weekend you have it covered.
I am allowing all 24 hours as babies are often awake at all times.
I see no reason why you can’t do this and I have had 2 babies who were v different from each other.

sorry but I'm just laughing at 'intellectually challenging' + having a newborn to look after.

I was invited to speak at a conference when my baby was four months old - I accepted before she was born, when it came around I realised that I Had actually fallen asleep while pushing the buggy down the street that I wouldn't be going to the conference...

You will be beyond tired - shattered, so you can't even remember if you have eaten lunch or not - you won't be in a position to do an intellectually challenging job - without childcare! insane!

I was doing my degree when I got pregnant thought I’d just be able to carry on studying as normal plus work in family business but I struggled to even find time to shower and sterilise bottles and was doing all the night feeds. Ended up taking a year out. It didn’t work for me but with the right help it could be doable. Good luck

You will be beyond tired - shattered, so you can't even remember if you have eaten lunch or not - you won't be in a position to do an intellectually challenging job - without childcare! insane!

Maybe you’ll feel like that. I have three DC (5, 3 and 5 months). First two were exceptionally poor sleepers (DD2 didn’t sleep longer than 2 hours at a time day or night for 6 months) and I have never felt as tired as you’re describing.

If you do accept the project, I'd advise prioritising socialising with the baby too. Don't get into the situation when the project has finished that you don't know where the baby groups are, or all your peer parents have formed friendship groups and habits that you may find difficult to infiltrate.

You may find it hard being at home with the baby as well as working at home - you'll desperately need a change of scenery and some other conversation!

16 hours spread over a week isn't a lot. You sound as if you are an organised type so you would probably manage. What would be worse for you 3 weeks of juggling or no income.

I’m also self-employed. I had to return to work briefly a few days after ds was born as he came early and I had to finish things off. He just came in the sling. Then we ended up having to go back into hospital so it’s lucky I didn’t have more to do!

I did a project again when he was a few months old and found it harder.

I probably wouldn’t have done any work given the choice, but did in a way find it a welcome break to switch my mind to “work” mode, though I also felt I was much slower.

So hopefully it is do-able provided that you have some support and a straightforward time after delivery.

You will be beyond tired - shattered, so you can't even remember if you have eaten lunch or not - you won't be in a position to do an intellectually challenging job - without childcare! insane!

How do you think people with more than 1 child cope? I have a newborn and can certainly remember whether I have eaten lunch, and fed my toddler! She doesn’t necessarily need to do it without childcare. If she splits the hours between evenings and weekends her DH will be home.

Between now and the birth make a plan with your DH about how you are going to cope returning to work. What parental leave and holiday leave does he have that he can stagger over the next few months to be around more to help you work from home, have different options in your mind of how else you could approach this if the situation changes, baby is late, not feeding as hoped etc. It's doable, be prepared, enjoy your baby and good luck.

I had 8 weeks maternity leave with my second, 2 weeks before and 6 weeks after. My other son had just turned two. It sounds mad now but I was 28, it was only a few hours a week to start with, DS2 was an easy baby, and my Mum helped. I did it because I had a career in a very male dominated environment and this was 18 years ago, I was scared of being pushed out of my job otherwise. It is definitely possible but I had a much more complicated birth with my first and I am not sure I would have managed to work so soon after.