To think I can return to work 3-4 weeks after giving birth?

[RoguePudding]

As in title, really. I'm pregnant with my first, self-employed, and if I pass on this assignment because of the baby, I may be without income for much longer than we could afford. What is probably important to know:

• my job is intellectually challenging, but involves no physical labour whatsoever
• I can work from home
• It would be for about 16 hours a week
• 3 weeks would be the worst case scenario. The assignment starts five weeks after my due date
• my husband works fulltime

Is this feasible? Anyone else return to (parttime) work or perhaps studies very quickly?

@resisterpersister those 4 hours of tuition meant being out of the house for longer than the 4 hours because of travelling time, plus each session would require half hour planning before hand. I also marked exam papers but DS was around 7 months by that point because of the time of year. 16 hours, working st home, that can be done at any point over the week is totally manageable, especially if their is DH to help! I would imagine even if he gets home at 7pm at the latest there is 3 hours each evening in the week, plus 8 hours a day at least at a weekend that can be worked in. It might not be easy, but it is doable even with a difficult baby if it’s what is best for the whole family. Some people don’t get the luxury of being able to completely give up work when they have a baby. I think being realistic is important, yes it will be difficult, yes you will be exhausted at times. But 16 hours, done flexibly over the week, in my opinion is doable, I wouldn’t suggest anymore.

@resisterpersister my DH is out of the house from 8am until 7pm 5 days a week. I start my tuition at 7:30 2 nights a week and do an hour on each of the weekend mornings.

Canvassing opinions on something like this is always tricky because no one here knows what your birth is going to be like, how long you're going to be in hospital for or what your baby will be like anymore than you do.

My first baby was an easy one. Slept well, ate well, rarely cried, would happily be put down if there was anything I needed to do. So I probably could have managed a few hours a day working on a laptop while she napped or just sat in her bouncer/lay on her playmat. Second baby, not a chance. Didn't nap, cried for hours and would only be soothed by me walking him up and down either in my arms or the pushchair, he hated being worn in any kind of sling or carrier.

Everything could be absolutely fine or you could end up with PND, a baby in SCBU, complications from birth that make working difficult etc etc. There's no way to know for sure, it's a complete gamble. Which is why I wouldn't put additional pressure on myself by committing to go back to work so soon unless I had no other choice.

Sorry if someone has suggested this already and I've missed it, but if I were you I'd ask my mum to come and help the first two weeks of work, not the first two weeks after the baby is born. That way you'll get an easier 'in' than you would otherwise.

How do you know that the assignment will begin 3-4 weeks after giving birth?

Only around 5% of babies are actually born on their due date. You could be a week or two overdue.

Personally I would not be taking on the assignment as, without meaning to scare you, childbirth is a physically and mentally draining experience and you do not know what health ramifications you will have to deal with whilst adjusting to motherhood and caring for a newborn.

I worked from home within a weeks or two of having my son. It was impossible. You simply cannot concentrate properly. If your DH cannot take paternity leave at that time, or annual leave, or you cannot get a helper to come in to assist, then I would really not do it. I can focus usually really well - noise, tv, radio, people - but no way could I focus with a newborn around!

Several people have said a baby a few weeks old will take up all the carer’s attention so it’ll be impossible to work. That’s simply not true.

Even the most difficult baby will sleep for some of the time, and feed for some of the time, therefore it is entirely possible to sit in your pjs and type while caring for a tiny baby. For heaven’s sake, how on earth do these people think parents manage with a newborn when they have several older kids and need to do far more than sitting and typing?

I completely agree that once the baby is past those very early weeks, you’ll need childcare. But frankly, during the 12 weeks I spent with dd before I returned to work, I spent a fair few hours sitting and reading or watching telly and I’m quite sure I could have managed 16 hours a week or flexible working, non physical, work which could be done while holding/feeding the baby and where it didn’t matter a jot whether I was washed and dressed.

I think some people find it hard to imagine how other people manage things unless they’ve done it themselves. I’ve had countless younger mums tell me there’s no way they could have returned to work with a 12 week baby, when husbands didn’t get any paternity leave either. My response is always ‘of course you could, if you’d had a baby 25 years ago and that was the current state of maternity legislation and you needed to pay your mortgage!’

Even now In many other countries women return to work earlier than the U.K. If it were impossible as some people claim, then none of us would have returned to work in the past!

Gatoadigrado vast numbers of women gave up work completely when they had their first child, in the years before maternity leave in the UK. Many women left the labour market for good, many more left for a period of up to a decade. Most did not return to work when their baby was a few weeks old - apart from anything there was very little formal childcare available in the 1970s and early 1980s.

It's not true that before maternity protection people just toughed it out and went back to work after a couple of weeks, unless you are referring to preindustrial societies. The USA is shameful in every area of workers rights and it's horrendous what people there have to put up with (no job security, no legal minimum amount of annual leave, no legal entitlement to sick leave etc. as well as inadequate maternity provision).

I've got 3 kids close in age - looking after a toddler and a preschooler while breastfeeding a newborn in a wrap sling is its own kind of intense and tiring challenge but is the not same as trying to concentrate for extended periods on professional written work. It's not that either is easier, but interruptions to concentration are usually more problematic when working on reports etc.

I went back to part time teaching when my youngest was 4 months old but was able to leave him with my husband and had very little to do at home (teaching an established adult course at evening school). By contrast after having my first I was teaching secondary school, went back at 6 months because maternity leave was 6 months then, but found it almost impossible to get my marking and preparation done because she wasn't sleeping long stretches, partly due to reverse cycling and refusing a bottle at nursery and needing to feed at night instead. I left my teaching job to childmind instead, which was much more compatible with that life phase (without any drop in income once not paying for my own childcare or commute was factored in).

People didn't just suck it up 45 years ago or even 14 years go, they often left their jobs.

In 1975 only 50% of mothers aged 25-54 were in any kind of paid work. That's mothers of children of any age, even mothers of teens and young adults, not mothers of babies.

It's absolutely possible it will be fine for the OP, however I do think it's unhelpful to be totally unequivocal that it WILL be doable "if you're committed" / "that sort of person" / "because you have to" / "how do women in countries with poor mat leave or back in the bad old days" cope.

There is so much pressure on women to bounce back, be capable, and "manage". I, and many women I know, felt blindsided in those first few months with a newborn by how you can go from being an efficient, capable adult, to seeing a whole day disappear without achieving anything but holding a baby and eating too many biscuits. I felt like a total failure for still being unable to manage so much stuff weeks and weeks after giving birth.

Please don't denigrate other people's personal and real struggles by saying "it's not as bad as they make out". It might not for you but it somewhat glosses over the very real impact of difficult birth, difficult recovery, difficult baby, and the risk of PND. These things all existed in the past too, but women didn't have a voice - they were packed off by the GP with Valium, or self medicated with fags or booze (frowned upon these days...). How many women had an utterly shit time but no one discussed it? Even when I had my first DC in 2015, so many friends and female colleague suddenly divulged to me (mainly when I was pregnant actually) what hideous experiences they'd had and I kept wondering why they'd never spoken of it before!

And no amount of "being committed" or "just getting on with it" can counteract an horrific birth, or a baby in NICU, or crippling PND or extreme sleep deprivation. And these things aren't as uncommon as some make out. In my antenatal group of 7 women only 1/7 had a straightforward birth. In my circle of friends I have two who were hospitalised with Sepsis, and a third who nearly died from an undiagnosed uterine infection. A fourth whose baby was in NICU for a month, and two who have required ongoing surgeries and physio to repair birth injuries (some several years old), and these are "just" the big things, not taking into account tricky sleepers, allergies, feeding problems etc.

Totally depends on how your labour goes. If you need a section then it may be uncomfortable doing things and slow you down but it might not, depending on how fast you heal. With my second I was off work for 6 months but I was employed full time and had maternity pay. My second I was a full time student from home and was studying and doing my coursework all the way up until I went into labour and then was back to it a few days later. I breastfed so I just sat on the sofa with a laptop on the sofa arm and a baby on my boob a lot 😂 that being said DC2 was a very easy baby.

It might be that you are totally able to do your work part time from home and be fine. Or it might be that you really struggle. Every baby is different and every mum is different.

Good luck

Easy! It’s your first and newborns sleep a kit you could easily sit holding baby asleep and work

kit-lot

Even with a section by 3-4 weeks you should be fine

I did it OP and it was fine for me. I'm self employed and went back 18 hours a week from home as I could do it around the baby. Did I feel well? Not particularly, but I had to go back as it was financially necessary for us as a family.

I was so tired. So so tired. Barely able to function tired. Six mugs of coffee wasn't enough tired. But I did it. And you can too. But if you have the luxury of being able not to, don't.

It's potentially do-able but I think that dh needs to agree to looking after the baby for a chunk of time (4-6 hours) at the weekend depending on feeding so that you can get work done and then get into a routine of doing 2 hours in the weekday morning when babies are usually less cranky. Good luck!

If the assignment was short term and the end was in sight then yes... if it's ongoing then you are mad!

I work from home, in a fairly physical role, I was driving within a week and back at work within 2 weeks, after my first.

Unless you have child care I think you will find it difficult. I say this as someone who worked from home when dc1 was 2 or 3 weeks old, without childcare. It was really stressful trying to work and look after a baby, who can be far more demanding than I had ever realised at the time.

I went back full time when mine were 6 weeks old, with one day the week before because they needed me with DS 1. I was bored senseless by then and very happy to return. The baby brain thing lasted about a week, so over that when I went back. I reckon 16 hours at 3 weeks very doable if you want to.

You really won’t know until you have the baby

Firstly, needs must and if you need to work then I'm sure you'll find a way to make it work by hook or by crook.

In making up your decision I would also think about what impact it might have if part way through your assignment you decide that it's too much and need to quit. Of course it could work really well and be a simple way to maintain income and not have the worry of not picking up work again after taking a mat leave break (I'm currently in that position and discrimination is real despite what people may say to the contrary!).

Based on my experience, I would have been absolutely hopeless at my job at 5 weeks PP. But I didn't have the easy newborn that slept all day (I was soooo jealous of people who did! LOL). Instead my baby was being referred to various specialists for some pretty serious medical investigations and I was still physically (and emotionally) recovering from a traumatic birth. I guess I am the worse case example noted above! However you could have an easy time and regret not taking the job for fear of something that hasn't happened. So hard to predict until you actually have your bubba. Good luck!

No way. Look back on this post once you've given birth and smile at the absurdity of it.
You'll be glad to shower and sleep once in a while never mind work!

^ This. Absolutely. Until you’ve had the baby, you have no idea if he/she will be a sleeper or not. Both my children slept about 20 minutes at a stretch, with the occasional 1 hour nap for the first few months. So yes, even having time for a shower was a challenge. I can’t imagine trying to focus on work. Plus, you’re kind of animalistically programmed to focus on the baby. Nature is a wonderful thing 😉

Do you mean going back to work full stop at 3-4 weeks. Or a short project to tide you over? I think a short project would be fine with the right support, i.e. you being in charge of baby and 16 hours work only and your husband being in charge of housework/cooking/shopping or at least a fair share of it. If you'll be expected to do it all then I think it will be do-able but depressingly difficult.

Hello,
I’ve had 3 kids. One an emergency section. I would suggest you accept the work. Babies sleep a hell of a lot during the day in the first few weeks. You will be fine. In some countries maternity leave isn’t even a thing. Worst case scenario you take the work and find you can’t cope could you subcontract the work in that scenario and simply quality control before submitting?