To think I can return to work 3-4 weeks after giving birth?

[RoguePudding]

As in title, really. I'm pregnant with my first, self-employed, and if I pass on this assignment because of the baby, I may be without income for much longer than we could afford. What is probably important to know:

• my job is intellectually challenging, but involves no physical labour whatsoever
• I can work from home
• It would be for about 16 hours a week
• 3 weeks would be the worst case scenario. The assignment starts five weeks after my due date
• my husband works fulltime

Is this feasible? Anyone else return to (parttime) work or perhaps studies very quickly?

I'm self employed. My first assignment (facilitating a workshop) is 2.5 weeks after the birth of child 4. I'll be taking a week from admin and stopping seeing clients, but will essentially be working from the sofa and laptop throughout. This is my 4th though....

I haven’t read all the replies. You might be able to. I was still wetting myself until 5 weeks pp as I’d had some bad tearing so I wouldn’t have been able to!

I also don’t think I’d have felt happy leaving my baby, but that’s very much a personal thing.

Depends on so many things you have absolutely no control over tbh. How well the birth goes and what your baby is like.

You could have a breeze of a birth and great baby.

You could have a traumatic birth, end up in intensive care with baby in nicu (not as uncommon as you might think) and end up very ill/visiting nicu for several weeks.

Or it could be somewhere inbetween, infected c section, baby with reflux, baby who won’t settle without being held, pnd, baby blues, just feeling overwhelmed.

I was all set for an uncomplicated waterbirth, I ended up with a crash c section under g.a both me and baby with double pneumonia,pph ptsd,clingy baby who I mentally couldn’t cope with being out of my grasp for months.

At the very best you would need to do work when DH is home and he can take care of baby.

Having a baby is unpredictable I wouldn’t plan anything that can’t be easily cancelled.

I did with second child as went def employed between 1 and 2. I was very stressed out and ultimately struggled with PND. I wouldn’t do it again.

It might be fine, it might not. Depends on the baby and the birth. I would turn it down at this stage as too unpredictable...

Can the work be done at any time and dipped in and out of? If so then yes I would say it is doable.

It’s only just over 2 hours a day if you spread it over the whole week and so could you do it in an evening when DH is home if you haven’t managed to get anything done during the day?

I am doing exam marking with a newborn. It’s all computer based and intellectually challenging at times. I do a few hours if baby sleeps in the day (not often as I also have a toddler at home 3 days a week who doesn’t nap). Then I do 2-3 hours in an evening and more at weekends when DH is home. It’s a 6 week project to mark them all.

I just really think that you need to consider all other options first. I lost my job when my baby was born. Fortunately I had a few savings for the first few months as had planned to return to work at 6mths. I never returned to work. I found that things that I previously needed really were no longer important or required. Nice hair cuts, new clothes, meals out. I didn't feel like doing those things anyway. I felt that attempting to look nice was a bit like polishing a turd at that point. You think that a career is important until you have a baby. Then your priorities change. Second hand baby things from friends, home cooked batches of food for the baby... gradually my lifestyle switched. 8 years later and I've still not returned to work. We survived a recession and my husband losing his job twice, and more recently, we survived my husband being unable to work, when, shortly after the birth of my second child, he nearly died from Sepsis and ended up in a coma on life support. He's had to relearn how to sit up/walk etc and is still unable to work full time. It was scary as I had no idea how we were going to survive, although was able to draw on savings and was fortunate enough to have family able to help out. My point is that life changes so much as do priorities. You may find that some of the other options that you have ruled out ( downsizing, moving to be closer to relatives etc) are no longer such awful options. Out of my NCT group, 4 of us ladies out of 8 were made redundant ( 1 a single mother who rented out her house and also registered to become a child minder (despite having worked as a high flying director commuting to London). I would start by looking at your bills and seeing if you can cut back even more (switching energy suppliers, getting rid of cars (if more than 1) etc. And explore what paternity leave your husband is entitled to. And try to save as much as possible in the weeks/months before you give birth if you have time.

Self employed bookkeeper here due with no 2 in Nov. I'm planning 6 weeks off then I'll probably have roughly the same, 16 hrs a week, from then on (although it'll be more to start with to catch up on the 6 weeks, and I doubt I'll have a complete 6 weeks off as I'm sure urgent things will pop up!). I had an easy birth with DD, so if it's anything like that I'll physically be ok, DD wasn't exactly an easy baby though. I plan to do the majority when DP is home in the evenings and weekends (he also works shifts so I'll have the odd weekday). DD will be at pre school full time so I can work around babies naps for a couple of months. I don't think it'll be easy but going to try and make it work. I am thinking of finding someone that can help urgently if I have a non sleeping baby (maybe a VA with bookkeeping experience or something).

Don't forget as self employed you can do 10 KIT days and still not lose your maternity allowance.

I had to go back to work 12 days after my second was born - payroll needed doing, i had deadlines to hit. Like you I could do my work in chunks, so i did. And DC2 was not an easy child!

This is the reality for self employed mothers, i took the full year with my first but needs must!

I was planning on doing something similar (self employed writer) and decided against it on the advice of friends who already had babies. So glad I did. Birth and those first weeks are so unpredictable. Traumatic birth and I was very sore with CS recovery afterwards and DS ended up in special care. There was no indication before birth that we would have problems. I was 2 weeks overdue as well. If I had gone ahead with my initial plan, I would have had to let the client down last minute. Not meaning to be doom and gloom, what happened to me was probably unusual but I would advise you not to underestimate the unpredictability of everything.

I'm working around 10 hours a week (all on one day) at the moment with 4 month DS and that's hard enough. I have to stop regularly when my DH brings him to me to breastfeed. I'm exhausted from 4 month sleep regression and can hardly see straight so I'm not doing the best job of the project (although doing my best) and all in all I wish I hadn't committed to it before birth. I just had no idea how much hard work a baby would be! So yes, I see there might be some situations where it's unavoidable. But honestly I would say it should be an absolute last resort. If you're breastfeeding in the early weeks, I really think it will be impossible. Nothing could have prepared me for how much time a newborn spends attached to your boob!

Is it a typing thing? If so, I’d get practicing on some voice activated software then you can do it while holding baby at the time when, as a comparison, I was watching back to back Gilmore girls.

If it can be chunked into 30 mins then sounds more doable. 2.5 hours a day, 5 30min slots. That sounds ok-ish.

@RoguePudding I could of done it with DD, for the first few weeks I sat on the sofa watching the whole of the walking dead 🤣 so probably could of done 2-3 hours of 'work' a day. Youtubers don't get maternity leave I am sure they have to sit at there computers for a few hours a day to get an income...

Hmmmm no I highly doubt it. May be possible but will not be enjoyable or best for anyone realistically

It’s a gamble really. What would happen if you said yes but then had to pull out of the contract closer to the time? Would that have a worse impact than saying no now?

It’s totally possible that it might be fine. But you might have a screaming colic baby and be getting no sleep, to the point where you can’t concentrate. Or you might have a baby who won’t be put down. My first was like that, but I could have worked over his head as he wasn’t a screamer and slept fine as long as he was held. With my second I was seriously ill and would not have been able to work.

Depending on how the birth goes, and how "easy" your baby is, I think it could be possible.

However, the thing I was really unprepared for was how little I would want to do anything other than be with my baby. I just couldn't concentrate on anything other than him, and all I really wanted to do was cuddle him and stare at him

The difficulty is that there's just no way to know how you're going to feel until you get there (and also no way to understand just how crippling the sleep deprivation can be if you're unlucky). Good luck with your decision; I hope it all works out for you.

With my first, I was back at my desk in 5 weeks - although not at all at full capacity (even 16 hours would have been pushing it). He was a bit of a needy baby though, and I took a little while to get into breastfeeding and to recover myself.

With my second, I felt positively indulged, and was back working in a fortnight! He was a super-easy baby, my recovery was a walk in the park - and the only thing stopping me getting some work done was DS1 only having a few hours at playgroup!

I love my job though - I find it all genuinely interesting and enjoyable - so it was actually something I was eager to get back to.

I want to know why I didn't get one of these newborns that sleeps all the time.
OK my first wasn''t a sleeper - was awake most of the day and night from about 4 weeks onwards. Wanted feeding all night until about 6 months. I have never been so utterly exhausted. DH did his fair share, but even so. I wasn't recovered from the birth for a good 3 months (had needed a blood transfusion).

Second did sleep, but not for any length. Wanted a feed every 2 hours, fed for about 30-40 mins. By the time she had been changed and settled, she slept about 30 mins and then wanted another feed. And again fed continuously from about 6 -midnight. That lasted until about 8 weeks, but still fed every 2 hours for the first 4 months.

Oh and I was a SAHM. Sheer exhaustion. Couldn't think straight at all - wouldn't have trusted myself to be accurate with work issues at all.

If you are going to be letting people down, I really wouldn't commit.

I wouldn't do it. She was all absorbing. My attention was on her only and found concentrating on anything else difficult.

Bloody difficult but if needs must it's possible. I had a crash cat 1 section under GA with DS and he had tongue tie and literally fed every 90 mins. But by week 3 I was driving and although I was on mat leave from my employer would have been able to do a small amount of paper work if I'd had to.

I'd recommend getting a mother's help type person who can look after the 'admin' round the house for a while. Eg tidying up, putting rubbish out, ironing etc so you can focus on baby and work. DH will need to step up when he's home too eg nappies and carrying baby. DS was always unsettled about 8pm ish and it helped to hold him in a sling all evening.

Good luck.

I think you're going to have to get used to the idea that you will need someone to care for the baby while you're working. That could be your DH or your DM or a professional such as child minder. It's not realistic to work at the same time as looking after a baby.

If my childminder was spending 16 hours a week writing a book and not fitting that in around after looking after my baby I'd be furious...

I tried to do some freelance when my DS was 5 months old. I had to give up, I just couldn't do it.

Yes some women manage amazing feats while their babies are small. Doesn't mean It's possible for everyone or even desirable.

I think trying to work from so early is likely to make your time with your new baby incredible stressful, to the point you are risking PND.

It's hard to imagine what you'll be doing with a new baby, as It's all so new, but please understand you are very unlikely to have 16 hours spare, you don't be hanging around twiddling your thumbs.

New babies need attention constantly. They need feeding, getting to sleep, changing, It's relentless. They don't sleep at night so you will be shattered more than you can posdibly imagine as It's so hard to find time to catch up, and It's not like staying up late as a one off- It's night after night after night for months.

When both my DC were little it was a challenge finding time to have a shower or make myself lunch. My DP would make me tea and it'd remain undrunk as I couldn't even find enough time without a baby attached, to drink a cup of tea!

Please don't do this to yourself, it'll be a nightmare.

Oh come on- babies really aren’t as difficult as some people on here are making out. Yes a minority will be very challenging, but the majority aren’t too bad!

I’ve got a toddler and a newborn- my toddler was a really difficult baby but I work doing private tuition 4 hours a week 3 weeks after birth while DH looked after him. He fed every 90 minutes and wouldn’t be put down to sleep but I survived! I certainly didn’t need anyone to make lunch for me and I always managed a shower.

Right now my 2.5 year old is napping, my 10 week old is next to me in a swing chair and I’ve just marked 500 exam questions and am taking a break on MN. It’s doable for some, depends on the type of baby you have. Luckily my newborn is very easy, sleeps 8 hours at night and only breastfeeds every 3 hours in the day. She cluster feeds from 4pm onwards so I camp out on the sofa and DS watches CBeebies before dinner which I make while having baby in the sling. Once she is in bed at 8pm I work on the laptop until around 10/11pm. Then I sleep until she wakes for a feed around 4am.

It all depends on how committed you are to making it work, how well you can function on very little sleep and what type of baby you end up with. Good luck with it, you can make it work if it’s whats best for your family.

Of course you can do it. Lots of women do. I did it. Nobody cried. It was fine.

I’ve got a toddler and a newborn- my toddler was a really difficult baby but I work doing private tuition 4 hours a week 3 weeks after birth while DH looked after him.

The two key phrases in this are "while DH looked after him" and "4 hours a week".

Unless I've missed something, OP is suggesting doing 16 hours a week from home, much of which is going to need to be while she's home alone with the baby as her DH works full time.