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Original poster

Dp lack of availability next two months

133 replies

Spanglyprincess1 · 02/06/2019 10:20

I'm in a grump, prob as exhausted and just missed ds swimming lesson as i missed up the time!, so prob am being a bit unreasonable
Dp is away for 10 days holiday, at a hobby related thing with his dad, not child friendly at all so me and 10mth old ds are at home. I've had to take some leave to cover his normal childcare, which is fine.
I've just realised, not sure how I missed it but, he's working away every single weekend Friday to Monday(self employed) plus weekdays working as normal for the rest of the month. He has one weekend free in July where we have his other 3 dc (my dsc) then he's working away evry weekend Friday to Monday in July plus a full week away 'working' - put in commas as two days is working rest is events and beer.
I'm exhausted. I know it's work but it means I am literally am either working (I work ft) or looking after ds on my own for 2 months! I know single parents do this all the time and hats off to them, but I'm dreading it and it feels unfair.
I know I have to suck it up, but I am feeling slightly hard done by

OP posts:
SunshineCake · 02/06/2019 12:01

Play pen in the garden. Swing. Play tent.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 02/06/2019 12:05

Play pen is a good option and a play tent.- I have both somewhere. He tends to climb and cling to me. I really need to invest in a good sling while he's much bigger, as it would help.

The washing up, tidying, sweeping floors in dining room/kitchen due to food throwing need doing daily. The food shopping needs doing. Washing needs doing and bathroom due to daily baths.
I'm. Going to have to do some work tonight as I'm behind on several things at the mo, which is unfortunate.

OP posts:
ConfCall · 02/06/2019 12:17

I feel for you and the kids. You sound resigned to it. It’s really very sad.

I hope you like your job and have good friends, so that there is at least some moments of enjoyment amongst all the drabness.

PollyEsterblouse · 02/06/2019 12:18

Spangly, while I want to tell you to just leave the housework and gardening until your partner's back to help sort it all out, I also understand the frustration at seeing jobs pile up, and the need to crack on with it all.

I used a baby backpack at the 9/10 month stage. I got it for going out and about, but it proved really useful around the house too, leaving me completely hands-free for cooking; tidying; lawn-mowing; almost everything.

If your son can sit on a table behind you and cling on to you piggyback-style, you'll be able to get him into a backpack singlehandedly.

I hope your partner cuts down on some of his weekends away. All the best to you.

DPotter · 02/06/2019 12:22

If you haven't got the time - don't try to do the work. Why should you but a gut when he's away having fun. 1 10 month old baby is a delight - you should be enjoying him as much as you can.

Leave the garden - tell you 'D'P he can do it.
Don't bother with cleaning bathroom daily if its just you - and if your DP is there - he can bloody do it. OK the kitchen floor will need sorting with a baby learning to feed himself, but book supermarket delivery, don't bother with ironing anything and don't wash his clothes. I may have misread your post , but I think you mentioned something about getting your DSS to dust ? first of all don't bother with dusting - within 30mins its all settled again in my view. second - does that mean your are caring for his children when he's away? In which case - stop that right now. Fathers of children who need caring for, do not get to go on 10 day holidays just like that. They need to come up how they are going to support you - and yes that means getting someone in to mow the lawn, clean the bathroom and put the washing on. He should be worrying about how to pay for a gardener, not you.

As the the clingy baby - I know its annoying, but it will pass. It's a wonderful excuse / reason not to be so house proud.

HollowTalk · 02/06/2019 12:23

This man sounds like a waste of time, OP. Who goes on a 10 day holiday without their partner or their children, leaving their partner to do all the donkey work?

You say that you can't afford a cleaner or gardener, but if he was working this week instead of holidaying, you could! He feels free and able to spend money on himself, doesn't he, while you can't even spend it on necessities.

Has anyone ever stood up to this man?

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 02/06/2019 12:24

SpamglyPrincess1 I remember a previous thread about your partners job that was really a hobby. I didn’t comment but felt so desperately sorry for you then. I was really hoping you had got away from the situation, as it just sounds so awful, and with no end or support in sight. Your thread today has upset me, as you seem to think you have to deal with this by doing more.......which I guess means your partner has created the exact result he wanted.

I am thinking of you, and hope you find a solution that doesn’t involve you doing more to pick up his slack. I worry you’ll lose any joy you have.

AlunWynsKnee · 02/06/2019 12:24

You seem to be starting threads about him being a new variety of crap every few weeks but this is your 3rd in about 10 days. Why are you living like this?

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 02/06/2019 12:31

He is a delight at 10mths. Hopefully we can bake busvuits later n go to park if weather holds out

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/06/2019 12:34

I've gone through a few of your threads, OP, as I thought I remembered you.

Given everything you've said about this guy, I would move near to my mum and start a new life there.

He is completely selfish and unfair, and you are suffering as a result.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 02/06/2019 12:41

Why does he need a 10 day holiday? You, op, are a mug.

Yabbers · 02/06/2019 12:43

Not defending him but genuinely I wouldn't have had a child with someone who didn't see his other dc regularly and care about them.

He doesn’t see any of his children regularly, he’s away on a jolly for two months.

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 02/06/2019 12:47

Read the posts he isn't away for two months solidly and is regularly seeing the children when they are not way with maternal family.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 02/06/2019 12:48

OP some users don’t need searching to remember threads and you are one that should tell you something about how bad it is

Hopefully this is a way of you processing that in order to leave

FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 02/06/2019 12:54

OP can I ask what happened with the holiday your parents gave you as a gift, and at the last minute he told you he didn’t have any spending money? That thread really stayed with me, as I thought what a manipulative man and I hope the OP doesn’t give in just for a quiet life or to not ruin the holiday. It seemed to me like he had done that deliberately to you.

I am really thinking of you OP. (And it’s none of my business, but I wish you would charge him rent.)

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 02/06/2019 12:56

Hey we all went and had a nice time. He found the money. I did pay for bits but he found a few hundred for the holiday and we had a nice time. So it worked out.
Surprisingly he's found the money for this trip

OP posts:
Nanna50 · 02/06/2019 13:03

There’s a strange dynamic here where you start a thread about how inconsiderate your DP is and how he does not contribute and how you are left with everything and more to do. And then post about how you enable it to happen and then defend him Confused

YerAWizardHarry · 02/06/2019 13:07

Surely it is 40% roughly? He has the kids 6 days out of 14

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 02/06/2019 13:08

I'm not defending his work choices and being away but I am correcting the assumption that he doesn't see the other dc as he does very regularly. Fairs fair.
Mostly I'm posting as I'm frustrated and don't k ow if I'm being u fair or u reasonable not being able to or wanting cope on my own for this long with ds

OP posts:
FollowYourOwnNorthStar · 02/06/2019 13:08

OP - that makes me even more angry on your behalf! So he was doing all that to try and guilt you about you not helping and him having to work when he unilaterally decided to have his children over........then when you wouldn’t give in, turns out he actually DID have the spending money to go to his bucket-list holiday that was already all paid for by other people.

I have to step off this thread now OP as it is upsetting me as to how much you are being undermined and emotionally taken advantage of. As I said above, I really hope he doesn’t keep wearing you down, so that you think the solution to your life is for you to work harder. And I really hope your son doesn’t see you partner as a role model as he grows up.

Calmingvibrations · 02/06/2019 13:22

Did I read that right,? A TEN day HOLIDAY ... wow. When that leaves you exhausted with no help, and if you aren’t rolling in money, that’s just awful. There’s no way a decent partner would leave their OH in the sh1te like that.

If it’s work, fine. Lots of people work away, but a bloody holiday. He’s having a laugh

Nanna50 · 02/06/2019 13:24

You are not being unfair nor unreasonable to not want any of your life to be the way it is. Your DP is doing all of the unfairness and unreasonableness himself. But you already know this from the many replies to this and other threads

Original poster
Spanglyprincess1 · 02/06/2019 13:30

He did originally sys 7 days but it turned into ten. He keeps messaging mushy stuff and tbh it's annoying me. Which is silly as I know its nice but I'm. Too busy to miss him!

OP posts:
Nanna50 · 02/06/2019 13:37

He's left you for 10 days and plans to leave you for almost every weekend but its nice that he's sending you mushy stuff. Hmm I have my doubts.

wonkidonki · 02/06/2019 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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