To think mixed sex dormitories in hostels are unacceptable

[FannyCann]

I don't mean the accidental mixed sex where someone is presenting as the opposite sex, I mean all in together.

DD1 is travelling around Australia, mostly staying with friends or Airb&b. But she booked herself into a hostel in Sydney for one night and didn't realise she hadn't specified women only until she got there and couldn't change due to lack of availability. She was nearly in tears phoning home next day - the guy IN THE BUNK below her had sex all night. She felt very unsafe and was very upset.

I mentioned this at work and a colleague agreed her daughter had had similar terrible experience. The drunk man in the bunk above her had fallen off in the night. Turned out he was a homeless man who had wandered in and helped himself to an empty bunk.

Met up with a friend yesterday and she said her son had also been appalled. This time it was the behaviour of the girls, bringing randoms in and having sex all night. He was in Bali and went and slept on the beach before moving into a hotel.

So that's a quick three out of three terrible experiences.

I had no idea mixed sex accommodation was now the norm in these hostels (aside of double rooms/family accommodation obv). It's obviously unsafe and unpleasant.

DD is in a lovely airb&b with a friend now until her flight home and has learnt from the experience. But really I see no reason why this has become the norm. It's terrible.

the guy IN THE BUNK below her had sex all night

By himself?

So that's a quick three out of three terrible experiences

What about the ones you haven't spoken to who had no problems at all?

It's not new - mixed sex was the norm when I stayed in hostels over 20 years ago.

I don't understand any of the things you describe are unique to mixed dorms 🤔

This is not uncommon but I do agree that there should be single sex dorms.

Could your DD not try and select a place with smaller/female only dorms?

But there are plenty of hostels with single-sex dorms. Your daughter should have checked and booked one of those. Even if she’d assumed all dorms would automatically be single-sex, surely she’d have had to specify which she wanted at the time of booking?

As for the sneaking people in, do you really think that wouldn’t happen in single-sex dorms?

I mean there should be single sex dorms as WELL as mixed.

So DD messed up and didn’t book single sex dorm, and somehow this is now the hostels fault?!

There must be a market for mixed sex dorms, otherwise they wouldn’t exist.

But you mention the appalling behaviour of girls too, so anyone you share with could be acting in a bad way.

I do agree that the rooms should be single sex, though.

What if you're traveling as a mixed sex group and wish to stay together? Your DD shouldn't have booked it if she was uncomfortable with it but it is hardly the fault of the hostel. Backpacking isn't for everyone.

I was in mixed sex dorms the whole time I backpacked (over a year) and never had an issue.
Every hostel I stayed in offered single sex or mixed sex dorms. I always picked mixed sex because they were friendlier and everyone seemed to have more fun when there was a mixture.
Listening to others having sex is unfortunately par for the course if you’re staying in a hostel 😂 trust me even in single sex dorms people bring others back.
Your DD will need to get a thicker skin and put headphones in or whatever, or upgrade to cheap hotel rooms.

But really I see no reason why this has become the norm. It's terrible

It hasn’t “become the norm”, it’s been perfectly normal for years.

Always ensure you book the accommodation you require then you won’t have unwelcome surprises.

I have done this. I did feel quite uncomfortable as it turned out I was the only woman in the dorm, but it worked out ok. No one in my dorm said a word to each other the entire time (I think we all spoke different languages). Everyone kept to themselves and was quiet. I got the impression that the other men in there were terrified of going near me in case I felt threatened. I slept with my valuables under my pillow and took all of my stuff into the shower with me so I could get dressed in the morning. All was ok.

If someone in my room had been having loud sex I would have gone to the front desk and told them they need to be kicked out. You don't need to suffer that in silence.

*the guy IN THE BUNK below her had sex all night

By himself?*

.

ALL night? She didn't happen to get his number, did she?

For the hostel owners, mixed dorms are generally preferable, because they can fill all the beds, regardless of whether customer is male / female, as opposed to turning away a man because there are only female beds available

But they offer a choice, as they know some customers have a preference

Staff shouldn't be allowing strangers into the bedrooms though, sounds badly managed

In all seriousness, a girl in the bunk below could have been doing the same thing.
The bringing people back for nooky and the mixed sex dorms are two different issues.

If you want single sex, you pay more.
You still get arseholes that behave like that, in single sex dorms too.

Mixed sex dorms have been a thing for absolutely years. I totally understand that they aren’t for everyone and I’m sorry your DD had a bad experience. But it’s really her fault for not booking a single sex dorm if that’s what she needs to be comfortable or feel safe. When I went backpacking I was in a group of two men and two women and we felt much safer all being in together, so mixed dorms worked best for us. She just needs to be more careful about booking next time.

If they're shagging another person staying at the hostel (not improbable) it's hard to stop that. If they're bringing people back, supposedly staff should be stopping that (?)

I too thought the default for dorms was single sex, but clearly not now do she's going to have to ask.

I'd worry about assault while sleeping in a mixed dorm tbh. Most people are ok but it only takes one.

20 years ago I did a year in Australia. Mixed dorms were the norm. It meant couples could stay together in dorms without forking out for expensive double rooms. Like me and my ex. Single sex dorms were very rare. In fact I remember being a bit put out when a hostel I was staying in decided to separate the dorms as I was being separated from my male friends!

The difference is the hostel I think, if your daughter doesn’t mind doing a bit of research and possibly paying a bit more she can avoid the “party” hostels where shagging and people rolling in and out drunk all night are regular occurrences. Some of the very loveliest hostels have mixed dorms. 20 years ago we had only word of mouth and the Lonely Planet to plan out a safe trip, now she has trip advisor and the internet to help her.

Incidentally, this man having sex was probably with a woman who is a much at fault here.

Yeah this has been the situation for years! When I went travelling to Australia 10 years ago, people having sex on the same bunk as you happened regularly regardless of if you were in a mixed or single sex dorm. Just have to put your headphones in and try not to die of cringing!

Mixed sex dorms have always been a thing. I never felt unsafe (female). I’m sorry your daughter failed to book a female dorm but that’s the learning experience of travel as a young adult.

I've always felt more comfortable in hostels where they have large mixed dorms. The single sex dorms I've been in are often only for 4-6 people - i prefer the anonymity of being 1 in 20 than 1 in 4 if that makes sense regardless of the sex of the other people. I've never heard anyone having sex in a hostel though

Your DD was upset because a man was having sex all night, then your friends son said his experience was bad because the women were having sex all night. Doesn’t that show you its nothing to do with being mixed and could’ve happened even if she’d been with all women?

Mixed sex dorms have been a thing for a very long time, if you want to stay in a single sex one you pay the extra. It’s not great that you’re dd is upset and uncomfortable but it was her mistake not the dorms.

There is nothing unacceptable about it. They’re adults. They choose to stay there. 🤷🏻‍♀️